


Truth & Consequence

by orphan_account



Category: E.R.
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Mild Language, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:17:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 76,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4814660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucy and Carter.  Were they meant to be?  AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Carter turned to update the board after watching her flip her hair and sashay down the hall. That woman drove him crazy, she argued about everything! They had short bits of time where they got along and connected and then she was driving him mad again.

He heard a little giggle beside him and glanced over at Chuny, she was watching him, amusement dancing in her dark eyes.

“What?”  He sighed impatiently.

“Oh, you have it bad for her.”

“For who?”  He questioned nonchalantly, knowing exactly who she was referring to.  Chuny never let up when it came to - her.

“You know who. Luuuuucy. You broke up with that Roxanne, you’re not seeing anyone right? Maybe you’ll do something about it.  I noticed you watching her walk down the hall, and staring at her ass.  Just like that day in the exam room you were checking her out.”

“I broke up with Roxanne months ago, and I’ve had other girlfriends since then. You need to stop it Chuny, Lucy is a medical student, I’m a doctor, her supervisor, and you’re wrong. She’s like an annoying little gnat most days.”

“Aha she’s really gotten under your skin, Carter. You two would make a really cute couple, don’t let a few silly rules get in the way of true love.”

“I’m not in love with her. She’s my student.”

“Uh huh, that’s why you messed around with her in Exam 6 a few months ago. Why you always looked so pissed off when she went out with Dale the surgical weasel. Better get on it, or some other guy is going to grab her attention.”

Carter rolled his eyes at Chuny and picked up the next chart.

“I have work to do, and I bet you do as well.  In fact the guy in exam 1 could use a good clean up, you seem to have a lot of time on your hands.” He shoved the chart at her, knowing she could not refuse.

Carter couldn’t help but think about what Chuny said though. That day in the exam room had gotten rather hot and steamy. Her sweater had found its way onto the floor, his hands sliding up under her shirt, her perfect breasts and pert nipples felt so good under his fingertips.   Lucy had run her hands through his hair, but he stopped the whole show on the spot when those soft gentle hands wandered down south to rub him through his pants and she’d started to undo them.

The alarm bells had gone off, and good thing, Chuny had almost walked in, they’d barely locked the door in time, but still, Lucy had left with her sweater inside out, which had raised suspicions and caused untold amounts of gossip.  For weeks.

Since then he had pushed Lucy away, tried to keep his distance. It would be very wrong for him to have sex with his med student, and there was no doubt she wanted it. She had outright asked him to come to her dorm, and though she dressed it up as a joke, he would bet if he had agreed, they would have been in bed that night knocking boots...as Chuny would have phrased it anyway.

Tempting, very tempting, he’d bet the sex would be fantastic, they’d always had these little sparks flying between them, but he just couldn’t give in.  He’d thought about taking her up on the offer, he knew he could only deny it to himself for so long, he’d been attracted to her for quite a while.  Really, she was quite cute, the blond hair, the hazel eyes.  She was smart too, he hated ditsy women, at least as far as dating them went.  She was stubborn, well, he could never fault her for that, since he knew he was very stubborn himself.  She was a compassionate and caring woman...and he had recognized she was definitely all woman, she was 25 years old now, age wise in the realm of possibility. 

She cared about her patients, being a doctor was all she wanted to do with her life.  Really, they had a lot in common, and he had to admit that if she was not a medical student, particularly one he was supervising...there would not even be an issue.  He would have definitely been in her bed long before now.  He’d had a particular weakness for blonds all his life, he didn’t know why, but they drove him crazy.

It had killed him to watch her date Dale the Weasel Edson.  The thought that she might have slept with Dale was appalling to him - anyone but that creep - but no, she had to date the guy.  He and Dale did not get along for many reasons.  Still, he had gotten over it before, Harper was friends with Dale, and he remembered she’d had a night with Dale, but long before he'd met her.  He and Harper had dated for a while, and they’d had sex regularly, Harper loved sex as much as he did, another little blond vixen he would never forget.

Carter sighed and shook the thoughts from his head.  No way it was going to happen, so, he needed to get his mind back on work.

* * *

 

Lucy sighed as she stalked away from Carter, she knew he was watching her go, and made sure she put an extra little wiggle into her walk. He was infuriating, always telling her what to do, and it didn’t help that she was so damn hot for him.  And kind of in love with him too. That day in the exam room was like heaven, kissing him, his hands on her body, and the feel of him as she rubbed him through his pants. She had started to undo them, longing to touch him, but he put the brakes on. Maybe a good thing since Chuny arrived just as they were straightening clothing.

She had tried to entice him to her dorm later, and he had declined. Oh, she knew there were rules, and maybe it was inadvisable, he really could get in big trouble if they were caught, but damn, she really wanted the guy in her bed.

She dated Dale a few times just to make Carter jealous, and she wasn’t sure if it had worked. She didn’t like Dale, he was a weasel and always trying to get into her pants, but she was reserving that right for Dr. Carter. John. Oh how she longed to call him by his actual name, scream it out loud as he made love to her.

She had called him by name, that night they had tried to save Corinna. That was a rough night, but she had felt so much closer to Carter afterwards. He was actually kind of sweet. She had to agree with Roxanne, he was a deadly combination, sweet and mixed up, and completely adorable with those eyes, like pools of warm melted chocolate.

He still was a mixed up mess, continuing to make bad choices in women as far as she could see. He needed to date a woman who actually saw him for who he was, not these Barracudas that were circling him because he was a good looking doctor.  The blond ho’s who always seemed to be breaking his heart.

He needed to date a woman like her, she saw him.  She was good at reading people, and knew he was a deep well, a mess of contradictions and angst and...well, he was just the man she had fallen in love with.  Despite how he pushed her away, she knew he was attracted to her, he just furiously denied it at every opportunity, to himself and to the world.  

If she could just break through his shell, get him to let loose even one time with her, maybe she could draw him in.  Make him admit that they had a deep mutual attraction, admit perhaps he could love her like she needed and wanted to be loved by him.

Lucy knew she could love him like he needed to be loved.  She’d been watching him, she listened when he talked.  And they talked a lot, in their spot on the roof.  He gave her clues that he might not even know he was leaving, like a trail of breadcrumbs or a puzzle.  Who was John Carter?  Lucy thought she was figuring him out, little by little, one breadcrumb at a time.

He was intelligent.  Absolutely no question.  Stubborn.  Yes, impossibly stubborn and he got defensive rather easily too.  Adorable.  Yup, his deep brown eyes, that thick hair, but she was not at all sure that he knew just how adorable.  Or did he?  He certainly picked up women rather easily.  No Lucy, don’t think about that, it always drove her crazy, imagining him in bed with anyone but her. 

On the surface, he seemed arrogant, but underneath was a mass of insecurity, it was like he wore his attitude like a shield when anyone threatened to get too close.  She was not sure why, he was well liked at the hospital, he worked hard, he learned quickly.  That was a part of the puzzle she was still trying to figure out.

Underneath he was generous, and compassionate.  He cared deeply about his patients for the most part, though he did occasionally express frustration when people wouldn't listen to his advice as their doctor.  He was passionate.  Oh yes, he sure was.  That kiss in the Exam room that day...he was a passionate man and she would love to let that animal out of its box at some time when they were alone.  Alone far away from the hospital where there was no chance of getting caught.

The questions was...how?  She never wanted to take advantage of him, but she wanted him to see her as more than his annoying med student.  She wanted him to recognize her has a grown woman.  Not like a little sister or something.  Mm, Carter kissing her, she had enjoyed that a little too much.  She gave her head a little shake, realizing she was starting to fantasize about him again when she should be attending patients and that would not do.

Yup, she constantly fantasized about him, wondering if reality would be as good as the fantasy. He was no virgin that she knew. Roxanne mooned over him as their relationship crashed, and had made more than one comment about sex with Carter the morning they’d had coffee. A very positive, almost indecent comment about the sex, Lucy thought it would be even better with her and Carter, they drove each other crazy in the ER, she could just imagine what they would do to each other in bed.

Roxanne outright asked if she was getting it on with Carter at work. Lucy denied it of course, they weren’t having sex, though she really wanted to. She didn’t say a word about the exam room, it was obvious Carter hadn’t told Roxanne about it or Roxanne would have clawed Lucy’s eyes out long before now. Funny, it seemed like his refusal to consummate was more about his job and position than about Roxanne, and he didn’t seem all that upset when their relationship finally ended without much fuss or preamble.

Soon after the demise of his romantic liaison with Roxanne, he’d dated an older very attractive blond, he seemed to know her really well, and she knew he’d had sex with her early on. Lucy had kept her jealousy under wraps and rejoiced silently when it was over. Just a fling, she thought happily, though she noticed he was out of sorts for a few days after the lovely Elaine had left town.

Lucy wasn’t naïve, she knew he was dating on and off, and he was sleeping around, after all he was almost 30 years old, and all man. She however hadn’t been with anyone for a while, the object of her desire was John Carter. She didn’t know how she was ever going to get him in a position where he would have sex with her, but she knew she was going to try.  She didn't want to act like a stalker or an obsessed school girl though, he needed a mature woman.  Someone to be his equal, his partner, and she really thought she was the one.

It had been a few months now since they worked together, she had been up for a rotation in Psych, and had just returned to the ER for another rotation. She hadn’t done a good job the first time and she wanted to prove herself.

Dr. Greene in his infinite wisdom had made Dr. Carter her supervisor again. And the sparks were flying, again. She couldn’t help it, she liked to rile him up, she wanted him to notice her. To want her as much as she wanted him and he was so cute when he was irritated with her.  She also needed to work hard and make sure she had his respect.  Without being conceited, she knew she was his intellectual equal, but she had to find a way to get him to see it.  To gain his respect, that might get his attention.


	2. Chapter 2

He heard Lucy sigh as she moved onto the next patient. It might be a long week, it was only Tuesday and they were like cats and dogs again. Carter felt like he had to constantly be on her case, pushing her to get patients discharged, reminding her to be more concise.

She complained she liked to be thorough, but to him it was simply annoying, he needed to good evaluation from Mark as much as she needed a good evaluation from him.

"Ms. Knight, Dr. Carter. A word please." Mark Greene beckoned them both into one of the exam rooms and shut the door.

Oh here it comes, thought Carter. Mark is going to comment on the adversarial nature of the relationship again.

Mark sighed. "Ms. Knight, is there a problem?"

"Like what?" Lucy tried to look innocent, but none of them were fooled, she knew exactly what Mark was referring to.

Mark gave her a knowing look, then turned to Carter.

"Dr. Carter?"

"Um, no, there's no problem." He glanced over at Lucy with a look that said, ‘keep it zipped’, sometimes the girl could not shut up.

"Then why are you two yelling at each other. I expect that you stop immediately and find a way to work it out. You were doing fine for a few days, and now, you are both at each others throats again. This is not what I want to see. Understood?"

They both nodded and Mark rolled his eyes and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Carter rubbed his hands over his face and then crossed his arms.

"So?"

"What? What do you want me to do?"

"Shut up and listen once and a while Lucy. Just, ahhh, you drive me crazy, you know that? I thought we were over this, we have times when we work together so well, but lately what is up with you. I have a lot I can teach you, but I just feel like you don't want to learn. Not from me anyways. I don't know why Mark thought this was a good idea."

"I do want to learn from you, Dr. Carter. I just don't always agree with you."

"You never seem to agree with me. Just...can you just go back to work? Work up your patients and lets see if we can get through this shift without killing each other."

"Fine!" Lucy threw up her hands and stormed out. She was flushed with embarrassment as she slammed a chart down on the desk.

Carter watched her flounce away, wishing he could get through to her.

* * *

By Friday, Lucy was beyond annoyed, she had taken some charts and started the patients, but when she had come back, she found that they had been treated and released. By Dr. Carter.

Lucy was still upset that Mark had spoken to them again the other day, and Carter had been so...damn....damn, as usual he was just too cute when he was angry. She knew she needed to tone it down for a while, being Chief Resident meant everything to Carter, and she didn't want to ruin his chances.

Sure she’d taken on a lot and the ER was very busy today but they were her patients, damn it. She fumed and was particularly argumentative with him all day, how dare he discharge her patients, she was waiting for just the right time to confront him.  It was clear he lacked confidence in her, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

Except the time didn’t come. When she arrived at admit he was gone. Signed out.

Mark glanced over at her.

“You should go home Lucy, Carter just left, you’ve put in a long day.”

“He left?”  Lucy ground out.

“Uh huh, his shift was over an hour ago and he got through an amazing load of patients. Good work by the way, I see you did some really interesting cases today."

“Okay, um, thanks Dr. Greene goodnight.”

Lucy wanted to slam down the chart she was holding. Coward, he had left? She was going to find him and have her say.

She dashed to her locker and tossed everything into her bag, maybe she could catch him before he left. She knew where he parked his jeep. And there he was just opening his door, tucking his bag behind the seat.

 “DOCTOR! CARTER!” Lucy yelled at him, letting out all her frustration in those words, emphasizing each word like it was it's own sentence. She could almost hear the sigh.

“Lucy.”   He moaned under his breath.  “Well I almost escaped.”

He turned as she stalked towards him, incensed, ready to murder someone.

“What the hell were you thinking today? Those were my patients – mine! And you kept taking them over and discharging them!”

She stomped up to him, eyes on fire as she glared up at him into those delicious chocolate orbs.  She despised him, the amused look on his feature enraged her and he was smirking, she wanted to slap the smile of his face, and she found a hand rising automatically.  She was angry and he was not taking this seriously and she was going to remove that stupid grin.

“Whoa! What the hell Lucy!”

He caught her hand easily and she struck out at him with her other hand, which he caught just as readily. He backed her up against his Jeep and held her there as she glared at him in indignation, panting slightly from the exertion of running after him.  Intense emotions were coursing through her, she felt herself shaking uncontrollably.

Her skin tingled at his touch, she could smell his aftershave, he was so close, pressed up against her body, holding her wrists tight enough so she could not escape, but not hard enough to hurt her.

She stared into his eyes and it was like being hit by lightning, she was vaguely aware of the frisson of excitement in her belly as they stood frozen for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only fractions of a second.  Her breasts were heaving as she tried to catch her breath and make the words come out of her mouth, but she found herself speechless.

She heard as he inhaled deeply, their gazes locked. One moment she was yelling at him, her hair in disarray, her eyes crackling with annoyance as she stormed up to him.

She was frozen in place, wanting so badly to kiss him, but knowing she shouldn't.  It felt almost like the world stopped for a moment, as she leaned up and pressed her mouth against his.  Not gently, but forcefully, she kissed him, her lips parting slightly.  Desire coursed through her body, she'd been fighting these feelings, and it was like a floodgate opened.

Carter released her wrists and grabbed her face between his hands, kissing her as her arms wrapped up and around his neck.  His arm snaked down and around her small waist, pulling her against him. They were totally wrapped in each others arms now, the kisses burning with fierce desire.

Lucy pressed her body up against him, his arousal evident, there wasn’t even room for a piece of paper between them, no way she could miss it.  She opened her mouth fully, taking his tongue in for an exploration as she moved her hands down, working at his pants, wanting to touch him.  She managed to get a hand into them, stroking him as his hands found their way to the tie on her scrubs, undoing them and letting them drop right there.

Lucy couldn't believe what was happening. She had her hand down his pants, wrapped around him, stroking as she felt her scrubs drop and his hand found its way into her panties. She felt a finger rubbing her, spreading the wetness that was almost gushing from her now.

He was driving her into a frenzy as he inserted a finger, then another, continuing to work her. She moaned into his mouth, she wanted him inside her, and stroked him harder. Carter removed his hand and ripped down her panties, she felt them give way and he lifted her slightly as she frantically worked to free him from his boxers.

She guided him against her wet center.

“Oh Lucy.” He breathed against her ear as he entered her with a firm thrust of his hips.

She wrapped her legs around him, pulling his body close to her, holding him tightly with her thighs.

“Yes, don’t stop. I need you so bad,” she whispered softly as he filled her completely, her back against the side of his Jeep.

He paused only momentarily before he thrust into her fiercely, hard and fast as their hips rocked in rhythm, losing themselves in the sensations, her legs clamped tightly around his waist.

Lucy’s lips were hot on his, her hand wrapped around his neck and pulling his mouth against hers, the other in his hair.

He buried his head against her neck inhaling her soft familiar smell, she let out little oh’s of pleasure as he continued to thrust into her, and finally she uttered a strangled cry as her muscles clenched around him, and he let himself go, giving a few final thrusts to bury himself deep inside her as he climaxed.  He collapsed against her, both of them panting as they recovered from the exertion.

Once he could move again, he withdrew and let her down, tucking himself back in and zipping his pants. Adjusted his clothing before leaning up against his Jeep.

Lucy stood stunned, had that really just happened? That was crazy, hot and incredibly fantastic, she never dreamed it would be so damn good. Hoped, yes, but this was beyond her expectations.

She’d wanted him for so long, and now she’d just had him up against his Jeep in the parking lot? She pulled up her now ruined panties and her scrubs, tying them quickly. She looked over and he leaned against the Jeep with his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry Luce, that should _not_ have happened, I am _so_ sorry.” He rubbed his hands through his hair and looked over at her. “I don’t even know what came over me. I can’t believe we did that.  Here, in a parking lot, I’ve lost my mind, totally lost it.”  he muttered, absolutely aghast at what they’d just done.

She could tell he was upset with himself, as happy as she was, he looked incredibly devastated about what had just happened, and she knew, just knew, he was blaming himself.  Because that's what Carter did, he took on too much ownership for anything that went wrong, she’d worked with him long enough to know.

“No, Carter, you don’t need to apologize. It was as much my fault as yours. I fully participated and it was….pretty damn great actually.”

He looked over at her and gave a little laugh.

“Yeah, that was hot, I won’t lie, it felt good, but we should not have done it. Here of all places, we're so lucky no one saw us.”

“Give me a ride home? You can make amends by not making me take the L."  Lucy didn't want to let him just go, she needed to talk to him, to make sure he wasn't going to be too hard on himself, after all she hadn't said no.  In fact she had encouraged him.

 “Can I buy you a coffee, or maybe we could get some dinner and….just talk about this? I was going to go eat.” 

“Yeah, yeah, let’s get out of here.” Lucy was not going to pass up a single minute of time with Carter if he was going to take her out instead of just driving her home?  She was game.

“So, not Docs, that’s for sure, what do you want?”

Lucy had to stop herself from saying – you, naked in my bed. If it was that good just now, what would it be like if they had proper foreplay?

Carter lifted an eyebrow, she was just staring at him. He took her arm and led her around to the passenger side, opened the door and got her settled before he went back to the driver’s side. He picked up her backpack from where she had dropped it and put it behind her seat.  

“So?”  He started the engine and backed out of the space, which was fortunately a dimly lit corner, unlikely to be on camera.

“Oh, I’m not particular, but not burgers, I eat way too many burgers.”

“Italian? I know a little place that is really good but not too fancy. You know, since you’re still dressed from work.”

“Sounds good.” Lucy reached back and grabbed her pack, she had thrown her clothes in as she didn’t want to stop and change, risk missing Carter. She pulled out her pants and changed out of her scrubs right there in the front seat. She could feel him glance over at her as she did the quick change.

“Not shy are you.”

"Should I be? We just had sex, besides, it’s not like you haven’t seen plenty of female bodies, been with lots of women.”

“Ouch.”  He muttered under his breath, earning a look from Lucy.

“Like it’s not true.”  She wrapped her panties into the scrubs. “You ruined my panties, they are unsalvageable.”

“I’ll buy you a new pair. Thong, size small? Any particular brand?”

“I usually shop in the mall, so they are nothing special.”  What was she saying, he didn't have to replace them.  "Don't worry about it, they weren't expensive or anything, you don't need to buy me new ones."

“Okay.” He pulled into the parking lot of a cute little restaurant, quite a ways from the hospital. He was out and her door open before she could even blink. Wow, he had good manners when they weren’t fighting in the hospital.

He opened the door of the restaurant and soon they were seated at a lovely little table near the fireplace. Lucy inhaled.

“It smells heavenly in here.”

“The food is some of the best Italian I’ve ever had. Rivals that of what you get even in Italy.  The owners pride themselves on bringing a real taste of Italy to Chicago.”

“You’ve been to Italy?”  Lucy was curious.

“Um, yeah, I have. You?”

“No, my mom raised me, by herself, we didn’t have a lot of money.”

“Any brothers or sisters?”

“Nope just me. My dad took off as soon as he found out my mom was pregnant, abandoned her to raise me by herself.”

“I’m sorry Luce, that must have been tough. But I remember you telling me that before, they were really young, right?"

“Yeah, they were teenagers when my mom got pregnant. It’s okay, she was a great mom, she and I are really close. We talk about everything.”

“Everything?” Carter raised an eyebrow at her.

Lucy had to laugh at that. “Okay, not everything, like, maybe I won’t mention having sex in the parking lot with my supervisor. But almost everything, yes.”

“Yeah, maybe it would be best if we…didn’t mention it to anyone.” Carter met her eyes. “I could get in really big trouble, and I know I have no right to ask, but, are you going to tell anyone? It won’t happen again, I promise, it was out of line, and I am so sorry.”

Lucy couldn’t believe how apologetic he was, and of course he has a lot to lose, but she didn’t think the apology was empty. He was truly sorry for what had happened. She knew him well enough by now to know, he really was sorry.

“Hmmm, well, I kind of wish it would happen again.” She watched his eyes widen in a bit of surprise. “You didn’t do that alone, John, I kissed you, I started it, and I don’t regret it. It was fantastic, hot, and I’d do it again. I won’t tell anyone, I promise, and I know that it is just as much my responsibility as yours.”

“You know we can’t do it again, I’m your supervisor at work, it’s wrong on so many levels.”

“I know, I get that. But, I like you, you know I’ve wanted to have sex with you for a while, I don’t regret it and I won’t tell. I promise, we can go back to work tomorrow and no one will ever know. I’ll continue to be a pain in your ass, you can continue to be an ass, business as usual.”

He gave a soft laugh.  “Gee thanks.”

The waiter brought their meals and they started to eat.

“I know this is personal, but I have to ask. Please tell me that you are using birth control.”

“Well, we got kind of extra personal in that parking lot, so you can ask. You have the right to ask me, Carter, you fucked me against the side of your Jeep.” She looked over and saw he was uncomfortable, and realized how that must have sounded. She sounded accusing, and she had meant it to be joking.

“I told you I was sorry. I know it doesn’t excuse it, but you didn’t say no either. In fact you said yes, I would have stopped if you had said no.”  Carter put down his fork, rubbing a hand over his face, clearly troubled by her answer.

She reached over and took his hand, looking into his eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound harsh, that was supposed to be a joke, but…it wasn’t funny, was it?”

Carter shook his head and responded in a low voice.

“No Lucy, it wasn’t. I would never take advantage of a woman like that, if you had said no, I would have stopped. You seemed willing, and please tell me if I am wrong on that, because I never want to be that kind of guy.”

“John. What we did was totally consensual sex.” Lucy had heard the sincerity in his voice, he really was worried that he had overstepped, that he had misjudged and she wanted to put his mind at ease. She had very definitely been willing, and she didn’t want anyone to think differently. “I did say yes, I know I did. I was willing, and I wanted it, I have wanted it since before we fooled around in that exam room last year. That was pure physical release and everyone needs that occasionally. Be honest, we should have done that a long time ago, the sexual tension was overwhelming.”

“That it was, and that certainly qualified. No foreplay, just sex.”

"I am using birth control and I wouldn’t worry, I don’t think I am near the time we would need to be concerned anyway. I usually use condoms, I don’t have any infections or anything, so relax. Remember I was tested not long ago. You usually use condoms right?”

“Yes, I don’t have anything deadly to pass on either. I get tested, so you don’t need to worry. A little ironic since we always tell people to use condoms, safe sex and all that, but I get why it doesn’t always happen.”

Lucy grinned. “Hey, it was safe enough, we’re both doctors, we’d know if we had something bad to pass on. You didn’t get me pregnant, and neither of us are infectious, so we are all good.”

“So business as usual at work, this is between us.”

“Of course, John. I am not looking to get you into trouble, and I am not going to claim this was something it wasn’t. We had sex and I can live with that.”

Lucy looked into his deep brown eyes. Oh how I wish it could be different, I really like this guy. He is so damn cute, he’s sweet, in his mixed up way.

“So, you have brothers and sister?”

“Just a half-sister, she lives in Paris.” He paused for a moment. “My brother died when I was 10.”

“I’m sorry, how old was he?”

“He was 12, he died of AML and it happened fast, less than a year. But it was a long time ago now.”

Lucy just nodded, wow, 12 years old, and AML, a very tough illness.

“So you’re close to your parents? You never talk about them, I barely shut up about my mom, but you never talk about yours.”

“Not much to tell, like you said, they travel like childless jetsetters. They’re never around, I haven’t seen them for Christmas or any other major holiday for years. Maybe they will show up for thanksgiving, but someone pretty much has to die before they appear.”

Lucy stared hard at him at this comment.

“I was kidding around, but you mean I was right?”

“Yeah, Luce, you were right, you can read me like no one else and it’s scary. Really, really scary.”

Carter wasn’t joking when he said this, she _could_ read him. Women didn’t usually read him this well, or maybe no one had ever bothered to try before Lucy.

They chatted a while longer, then Carter paid the bill and got her settled on the passenger side of his Jeep. 


	3. Chapter 3

“So, the dorms?”   To Carter this seemed to be like a date, except they’d had sex first, then dinner.  He was still trying to get his mind around it.

“Nope, I have an apartment now, my roommate was a pain, she was always out partying and I work shifts and try to study so my mom agreed I should have my own place. You’re still at Weaver’s?”

“No, she evicted me when she became Chief, said she didn’t want to show favouritism,  someone would get the wrong idea. I’m renting a two bedroom apartment, kind of nice to have my own private space. Address?” Carter looked over at her, and Lucy spieled off her address.

She giggled slightly.

“What?” Carter glanced over at her before turning back to the road.

“Oh, Weaver. Someone might get the wrong idea? I mean, really? I could never see you with Weaver, not like that.”

“Ew, Lucy, you are going to give me nightmares. I like Kerry personally, I do, but as a relationship? Yeah, no way in hell that would ever happen, she is so not my type.  And she is quite a bit older than me, and so not my type.”

“You said ‘so not my type' twice."

"Yeah, I know, it's just so true though.  But you know, it's fine, I like having my own place away from Weaver.  It worked out okay."

"I know, right? I can’t imagine anyone would think that there was anything between you two, seriously.”

It wasn’t long before Carter pulled up in front of her building. He opened her door and walked her to the front.

“Good night Lucy, see you tomorrow.”

“Good night Dr. Carter. I had… _fun_.” She gave him a saucy smile and unlocked the door, going up to her apartment.

Carter sighed as he turned away. It had been fun all right, he wished it could be more, but no way could he ever do that again. Having sex with her was wrong, doubly wrong to have sex in the doctor’s lot where anyone could have seen them. It was hot, no question, but so, so wrong.

He opened his door, about to slide into his seat when something caught his eye. Lucy’s backpack. He sat for a minute, knowing he should really give it to her now, he couldn’t take it to work tomorrow or there would be questions. Chuny already watched him with an eagle eye. He picked it up and stepped out, locking his Jeep before going to the front door. He pushed the button L. Knight.

“Hello?” Her soft voice came over the intercom.

“Luce, you forgot your backpack.”

“Oh, oops! Could you bring it up for me?”

Carter rolled his eyes at her flirty tone.  He knew when a woman was coming on to him, he’d had plenty of experience especially living in the dorms.  There rarely seemed a day that had gone by without some cute little coed coming half dressed to his door asking him to fix something.  When he’d refused to take the bait, it became some kind of challenge, the clothing skimpier and the requests more ridiculous to the point he’d dreaded opening his door.

He bounded up the stairs and gave a light knock, the door was slightly ajar so he pushed open her door, stepping in.

“Lucy?”

The little grin on her face said it all, his eyes travelled down to her bare legs as she looked up at him coyly.

“Here.” Carter held out the backpack, his mouth going dry at the sight of her standing there in a skimpy silky robe which clung to her slim body. His body responded immediately, her firm breasts outlined and her nipples taught against the fabric.

Damn, did she do this on purpose?

“Thanks...John.” She purred as she reached out and pushed the door shut behind him. “I don’t know what I would have done without all my books.”

“Okay, well, I should probably go.”  Frozen to the spot, he wanted to move, but couldn’t, damn why wouldn’t his legs work?

“No rush.” The backpack hit the floor with a thunk, he caught a whiff of...he wasn’t sure, but it smelled heavenly, combined with her distinctive enticing scent.

She stepped closer to him, and licked her lips, she appeared nervous, before it just happened so quickly, this time…he wanted to bolt, she was reading him, she knew he was ready to run.

Carter took in a deep breath, a huge mistake, his head swam as her heady aroma filled his nostrils. It took him back to the day in the exam room, her trying to seduce him with the bottled pheromones...with the help of Chuny and the patient.

Don’t do it, don’t do it he thought.  He knew he _wanted_ to kiss her, and he knew she _wanted_ him to kiss her, but he also knew he should absolutely turn and walk...no run...out that door.  But he could not move, his feet were lead, bolted to the floor.

Lucy’s eyes met his, her gaze intense as she reached up and ran her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him towards her. Their lips met, a gentle kiss, which began to deepen. Lucy slid her other hand into his coat, under his jacket and up his back, bunching the fabric of his shirt in her fist.

His resolved wavered, it was too much like that day in the exam room, except…there was no one here to catch them which was an incredibly dangerous situation.  There was nothing to stop them.

“We shouldn’t be doing this Luce.” He forced out the words, barely a whisper as he nuzzled against her neck.

“I know, but…we’ve already had sex, so what’s one more time.”

“Hmmm, famous last words, it’s never just one more time.” He slid open her robe, taking in the silky nightgown. “You dress like this all the time?”

“No, I wore this for you.” Her lips were soft, so, so velvety and warm. “I want you in my bed.”

“That is so tempting. You are a little vixen.” He tenderly sucked her bottom lip, biting, not all that surprised by her admission, truly tempted by the offer given so freely. “A ruse to get me in your apartment?”

Lucy pushed his coat off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, without any resistance from him.  She started to slowly work the his shirt open.

“You caught me, I want you so bad, stay with me tonight. Think about how great the sex will be this time.” She pushed his shirt open, her finger tips trailing down the firm warm flesh, brushing her silky lips followed by her tongue caressing his nipples.

He was lost, already giving into the temptation, her touch creating sensations travelling straight to his groin, fully arousing him.  Her hot and willing body rubbed against his, there was no hiding his desire, his mind already justifying his actions.   _They’d already had sex...he didn’t want to sleep alone, she clearly desired him as much as he wanted her_.

He wanted to take everything she offered. He’d been fighting the temptation for months, and she’d been offering it up daily, teasing, flirting, wiggling that fine ass in his face.  Ever since the exam room...no, even before the tryst in the exam room, and now he’d had a taste, he wanted the whole experience.

He slid her robe off her shoulders, brushed his hands ever so slowly down her body, gratified by the sharp inhale of her breath, the way she tipped her head with her lips slightly parted.  He covered her mouth, his tongue tracing and seeking entrance, cupping those perfect little breasts, he’d ached to touch them and they were right there for his taking, covered only by thin silky fabric.  His thumb traced her erect nipple, the soft moan against his mouth fuelled the fire.

* * *

 

The wave of desire rushed straight through her body at the sound of his low sexy voice, his warm sweet breath tickling her neck.

He was tempted, it was obvious as she rubbed herself up against his growing arousal, her robe slipping onto the floor effortlessly as his hot fingers traced down her arms.  His tongue teased as his hands moved agonizingly slowly down over her hips before caressing her breasts, her flesh tingling and nipples tightening at the slightest touch.  

How she wanted this man, she’d never wanted someone so much as she wanted John Carter.  She was losing control of the situation, she’d set out to seduce him, and suddenly the table were turned, her knees shaking, her pelvis grinding against him.  She was needy, her fingers fumbling at his shirt, the last buttons too much, she yanked, hearing them patter to the floor.  

It was a sensual dance across the floor, her nightgown slithering the floor, landing in a silky pool around her feet as she entwined her fingers in his thick soft hair, moaning at the molten hot kisses, the pressure and suction on each pulse point on her neck.  The slight clunk as his belt hit the floor, the realization his pants had been removed, his boxers incredibly smooth and satiny as she clutched his tight ass.

The back of her legs met the edge of the mattress, an arm curving around, lowering her gently as his hot, hard length covered her.  He was stronger than she gave him credit for, she clutched his bicep as she went down on the bed, the tips of her fingers digging into his flesh of his finely muscled back.

Lucy’s hands were in motion, touching and caressing every inch of warm skin, throwing back her head as mouth and lips created a fiery trail down her neck, across her collarbone, her breast heaving as he lavished attention on them, her back arching in anticipation.  She was a quivering mass of need, John was stroking her, teasing her, and taking his time. Driving her insane with desire.

When he finally reached her wet centre, her hips rose involuntarily, uttering a loud moan at the entrance of his finger, involuntarily clenching her muscles tight around him as he primed her in a way no man had before.

“Oh...feels so good.” She gasped. “Want you now!” She begged, grinding against his hand.

“Mmmm, not yet.”  

“Now...ah, oh!”  Lucy’s eyes snapped shut as it hit, leaving her breathless.

“Open your eyes.”  The command was low, gentle, and she obeyed as his lips consumed hers.

His hand ran down her inner thigh, she opened willingly, their gazes crossing as he eased into her.  She let out a soft moan and let her hips rise up to meet him as they found their rhythm together, eyes locked on each other.

Lucy let herself go, wave after wave of pleasure washing straight through to her core. He filled her so completely, and seemed to know just how to move against her, she let out small cry at every thrust. He adjusted slightly, the loud moan involuntary, oh holy crap, it felt _so damn good_.

 _“Oh baby, yes.”_ Carter whispered against her skin.

Every move he made inside her created an exquisite fantastic sensation, their sweaty bodies sliding against each other, the friction unbearably sweet.  She clutched his back, digging into the flesh.

 _“Oh yes, oh, oh.”_   She was getting loud, incredibly vocal, but she couldn’t help it.

This was beyond what she’d ever fantasized or experienced with anyone.  It was building, the fiery curling deep in her belly, until finally the sweet release ripped through making her cry out loud, unable to hold it in. _“John, oh yes, John!”_

She closed her eyes her muscles clamped tight around him, his low groan washing over her. He gave a final few thrusts into her body as heat filled her belly, with one final drive deep inside her before he stilled. Neither of them moved for a few moments, both gasping for breath, his breath heavy against her neck.

He didn’t pull out or away, instead he rolled them onto their sides, pulling her leg over his hip so they remained together. He tucked a strand of her damp hair behind her ear before giving her a long sweet kiss.  His fingers played through her hair, his lips caressing hers, he seemed in no rush to break their contact.  

They lay cuddling for a few minutes before he finally loosened his hold and moved onto his back, bringing her to lay her head on his chest.

Lucy savoured it, the quiet but comfortable connection, as she cuddled against him.

The sex had been way better than she’d even dreamed,  was crazy, hot.  He sure was unlike any guy she’d ever been with, not that there had been a lot of them, but there’d been enough. They didn’t have any control, they climbed on board and were done in less than 5 minutes. They were...boys, all being around her age, while John...definitely a man.

John was almost 5 years older than her, and very experienced with women, as Chuny had so kindly pointed out.  She wasn’t wrong though, she’d never felt like that before, as loathe as she was to admit it, she felt like all her previous sexual experiences had been amateur hour.  For the very first time in her life, she had been properly, fully and truly satisfied sexually.

“John?”  She whispered, wondering if he’d dozed off to sleep.

“Yeah, Luce?” He rubbed her arm, giving her a light squeeze.

“That was incredible. I told you we'd have great sex.”

“Well, you were right, it was fantastic.”

“Yes, it was. John?”  Her heart raced...fantastic?

“Yeah, Luce?” He turned slightly and looked at her with his deep brown eyes.

“I know we shouldn’t, but….I want to. No one has to know.” She leaned over and kissed him deeply. “How can we not, it feels so damn good. We both want it, don’t even pretend you don’t want me as much as I want you.”

“It’s not about what I want, Lucy. I wouldn’t be here if there was no attraction, I won’t deny it. It’s about getting us both fired. We’ve worked so long and hard to get where we are, you would give it all up for sex? It could come to that, if we get caught together, if anyone figures out we’ve been together like this…we are so done.”

“For sex like that? With you? I would seriously consider it and I think we can keep it secret at work. We would have to be very careful, stay super professional, and under no circumstances have sex at the hospital. Keep it in our private bedrooms.”

“Ha, you’ll get tired of me soon enough. And it sounds easy, but keeping it secret at work is not necessarily a given, the people there are astute, Chuny is already watching us after the whole thing in the exam room. She knows something went on in there, she’s not an idiot.”

“No, I have wanted you for months, I don’t think I will tire of you as quick as you imagine.  I know we can be discreet John, I get how the rumour mill works, but we stay away from each other at work.  No touching, no kissing, no sex in the workplace.   We come in separately, no riding in on the train together or anything like that.”

“Remember, I told you I have never had a long term relationship? I was serious, Lucy, and I don’t know how this is going to work out. You’re my student, this is wrong on so many levels. You have months before you graduate, you will be ready to move on long before then.”

“I don’t know about that, John. Give us a chance.”  She really didn’t want to let him go now that she’d had him...she felt inexperienced, but he hadn’t complained, he said it was fantastic.  

Did he say that to all the girls or did he truly enjoy the sex?  

She screwed up her courage, time to find out.  She kissed his lips, teasing lightly before she worked her way down his body, paying attention to what he seemed to like, until she got to her destination.

She took him in her mouth, wrapping a hand around his ample base...well endowed did not begin to describe him, and he knew how to use it too.  Double bonus, she could not help but smile as she stroked the silky skin, teasing with her lips and tongue.

“Oh Luce, if you don’t stop…oh that feels so good.” He groaned and trailed off, tangling a hand in her long blond hair, letting her continue.

Lucy had rarely done this for a guy, but for John, she wanted to pleasure him fully, let him see what he might miss if he said no. She continued until she knew he was on the verge, backing off slightly then going full out until he climaxed. She continued sucking him until he was finished, then she moved up and kissed him again, sliding her tongue into his mouth.

They kissed for a few moments before she whispered in his ear. “Did you like that?”

“Oh yeah, how could a guy not like that.” He gave her a wicked little grin. “So you have a good use for your mouth that doesn’t include arguing with me.”

Lucy gave him a playful smack. “I wonder if your mouth has a good use that doesn’t include yelling orders at me.”

Lucy did wonder, it was on her list to get Carter down south. She’d heard he was pretty fabulous in that department, there were quite the rumours about how great he was in bed.  In her books the rumours and innuendo didn’t do him justice, she’d never been loved like that before, and she sure the hell wanted more of the same.

“Nope, I just like to yell at you, you drive me crazy.” Carter teased her.

“Which reminds me, I have a bone to pick with you.”

“Oh, really? You didn’t like the performance? I could have sworn you enjoyed yourself, you certainly moaned loud enough.”

Lucy giggled, she was vocal, she never tried to stay quiet.

“I loved the sex, you were magnificent...I'm very satisfied. This is about work. You kept discharging my patients today.”

Carter groaned and put the pillow over his head.  "Work.  Way to ruin the moment."

"John, why were you discharging my patients."

“You took on too many, so I cleared you minor medicals so you had more time to work the ones that had some learning value. I assigned some of the scut work out to the new group of students coming in.”

Lucy frowned. “You did it so I could take better cases?”

“Yeah, I’m supposed to be teaching you, you know how to do basic labs, suture, that kind of stuff, so I dished it out to others with less experience. Delegation, my dear, you will learn how to do that soon enough, but you need to do well on this rotation or Mark will have both of our asses in a sling. So I am giving you the cases that are of the most value.”

“So it’s not because you think I’m useless.”

“No, I think you just proved that you aren’t.”

“John! Be serious.”  She hit him with her pillow.

“Kidding, kidding.”  He wrapped his arms around her, forcing her to drop the pillow.  His tone was serious.  “Lucy, if you had shut up long enough to listen to me, I'd have told you, but whenever I try to talk to you…well, you argue. It gets very frustrating, trying to teach someone who never listens. You have the potential to be a great doctor, Luce, but you have to let me supervise you. We're always at odds, fighting against each other, and it would be so much easier if you tried to work with me.”

Lucy thought about that for a moment. “You think I’m a good doctor?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, you sound...shocked.  You have a lot of potential, but…you're not always the smartest person in the room. I can listen to what you have to say, but don’t ramble, just get to the point, be quick, concise and clear.”

“I am.”

“Uh, no, you are far from it, Lucy. The way you present is to argue with me, if you just did bullet point, quick analysis, I don’t need the fluffy explanations, I have my own case load and Lockhart to supervise too.  Often other students or residents ask for my help and I jump in on a lot of incoming traumas.  I’m busy and working my ass off so I can get the Chief Resident position.” 

Lucy stared at him mutely, he was certainly driven, he did work harder than most of the residents, and no question about him being smart.  Mark especially mentored him, called for him first a lot of the time for traumas, and let him work independently way more than say...Malucci or Chen.

“Occasionally you have to shut up and listen to me. Sometimes I try to ask a question or give direction and you just will not stop talking.” 

Lucy considered the statement. “Do I really do that?”

“Yes, Lucy, you do. You don’t do it to Mark or Luka or even Dr. Dave, which is ridiculous because he is not that good of a Resident, but you sure the hell do with me. I’ve told you this before, you know and it got better for a while and now you are back at it. I have worked in that ER for almost 6 full years. I did a full year on the surgical floor. I have way more experience than you do and you need to take advantage of that. I need to know I have your respect as a doctor too, I can’t teach you a damn thing if you don’t respect me.”

“But you’re not always right.”

 “No, I’m not, and I can admit that. Sometimes I've been able to catch things more experienced doctors haven’t, and at times I push back too, but I also respect the other doctors enough to listen to them. I feel like you don’t always respect me as a doctor, and then we end up fighting like cats and dogs. I don’t know what I have to do to get your respect or get you to listen.”

“I do respect you, you just drive me so damn crazy, and I don’t know why. But we’re talking now. So now you know what you need to do.”

“Ah, right, excuse me Dr. Greene, but my med student is arguing with me, I’m just going to have my way with her in one of the exam rooms, if that’s okay with you. She always listens after I bang her brains out.”

“Well, that might work, actually, I can get down on my knees, you’d like that, I bet.”

“Lucy!”

“I’m kidding, John but admit it, you liked it.”

"Yes, I liked it, but that is for in the bedroom, not at work."

Lucy leaned over and kissed him.  "I know...I enjoyed doing that for you.  I don't do it for just any guy, but I wanted to for you."

He pulled her in and gave her a warm deep kiss.  “Well...I’m honoured, not every woman likes to do that...I enjoyed it, but you don’t have to...unless you want to I mean.”

“I wanted to...but I understand what you're saying, some of my friends hate it and only do it to make the guy happy.”  A lot of Lucy’s friends classified it as disgusting, but Lucy didn’t mind for the right man...John qualified as the right man, he let her have full control of the performance and she loved having that control over him in some weird way.

“Never do that for a guy just to make him happy, Luce, your friends shouldn’t either.  You should only do what you feel comfortable with, never let a guy push you to do something you don’t want or like.”

“You like it though.”

“Of course I do, but I'd never force someone or even expect it.  You just...did it...and it was great, don’t get me wrong, just know I'd never demand it...make sense?”

“Yeah, it does.”  Lucy smiled to herself, John was so damn sweet, respectful...but not a prude or bashful in the bedroom, a good combination.

She brushed her hand over his cheek then leaned back against her pillow  Oh yeah, he liked it, Lucy smiled, feeling slightly victorious.  She could tell, as she had always suspected, John Carter loved sex.  She thought he still had a lot hidden in this respect, he hadn't really let himself go with her.  Not yet anyways.

“So what are we going to do? This could get awkward at work, we’re attracted to each other, the sex is great, but it doesn’t change that you are my med student. We have to figure out how we are going to work together and not let this affect our relationship.”

“It’s going to affect us, John. We had sex. Finally. I think personally, it will make things better between us, we’re finally talking, not just yelling at each other. I think we should keep having sex, not at work obviously, but I wouldn’t say no if you want to come warm my bed any other time. Or I can come and warm yours, I’m not picky.

Carter’s mind whirled at this suggestion, warm her bed anytime? Very tempting, he knew she was drawing him in, teasing him, and he was not adverse to the idea of having sex with her again.

“You think we could keep it a secret at work? Chuny is already watching us you know, she keeps making little suggestive comments to me.”

“Yeah, she does that to me too. I know it is a while before I’m done the ER rotation, but let’s just take it one day at a time. It will be fun and kind of sexy to sneak around, no one will ever know.” Lucy was holding her breath and crossing her fingers.

“I don’t know Lucy, we’re taking an awfully big risk here.”

“I know, but…I think I need to convince you some more.” Lucy turned and caressed the side of Carters face. She leaned down and kissed him, running her free hand down his body.

“This might be just for tonight, Luce.  We are way over the line, I could get fired for sleeping with my student.”

“A one night stand Dr. Carter?”

“Do you want me to go? I can’t promise we can do this again. We really are taking a huge risk, even being together tonight.”

“No, don’t leave, just love me again. If this is all I get of you, I’ll take it. I will never tell, I promise.”

She wrapped her arms around him and they kissed deeply. Lucy inhaled as he nibbled on her neck, memorizing his smell and touch. If there was only tonight, she wanted to remember it, every detail. Her fantasy had come true, she was in bed with John, and she didn’t want it to end.

His lips caressed her collarbone, then her breasts. She slid her hands into his hair, something she loved, his thick silky hair. His soft kisses moved down her belly, over her navel, then down the outside of her thighs, his fingertips following lightly, causing a shiver of desire to run up her spine. Carter nibbled the back of her knees, and finally up her inner thighs. When he finally ran his tongue over her, she moaned loudly and clutched his hair, pushing herself towards his mouth.

Lucy was in heaven, she let herself moan and writhe in ecstasy as he nibbled then kissed her. What he was doing was exquisite, tender and gentle, not rough like so many other guys. He displayed some real talent, his lips and tongue moved over her, licking, sucking, nibbling and kissing in turns.

 _“Oh baby, that's amazing.”_ She managed to force the words out, when all she wanted to do was moan.

She sure the hell didn’t want him to stop what he was doing, it was magic, heavenly and she pushed herself up towards his mouth, needing more of him. She turned her head slightly, watching him through half closed eyes, seeing his eyes come up and watch her in turn, never stopping even as he took her in.

She balled one hand into the sheets, the other in his hair, gripping tightly as she climaxed, the rush of wetness, and the pulsing of her muscles after the initial wave passed over her. He sucked and licked her for a few moments afterwards before moving up her body, settling between her thighs, thrusting gently into her. 

Lucy opened her eyes as she felt him against her, inhaling sharply as he thrust inwards. She met his eyes, locking on him as he started to stroke in and out, in and out, so deep and regular, but not rushed. With John it felt like it was all about making her feel good, not about getting to the finish line, not about making himself come. Her hips had started moving with him of their own accord, they fell into a rhythm with each other, and she let herself become vocal, finally closing her eyes as the sensations that had started in her belly rushed over her.  Her back arched and her hips pressed upwards as her walls closed in on him.

“John, oh!” Her cry was exuberant, falling from her lips effortlessly as he let himself go. Let the orgasm that he had been suppressing rise to the surface and take over.

Lucy opened her eyes as she heard his breathing change, catching the expression run across his features as his eyes closed and he moaned softly. He drove into her several more times, before collapsing against her, his head buried in her neck, his breathing rough against her ear as he tried to regain his composure.

Lucy put her hand around his neck, cradling his head, rubbing slightly. She loved holding him so closely, so intimately. He finally moved, rolling off onto his back, then pulling her into his arms. She snuggled into him, sighing in contentment.

"John.”

“Mmhm?”

“That was amazing.”

“It was, the sex is great, you were so right.”

He dropped a kiss onto her hair, and she closed her eyes, suddenly very tired after a long day. They both fell into a contented sleep, as she drifted she thought about how he even cuddled after sex, how could it get better than that?


	4. Chapter 4

“Luce.” Someone shook her. “Lucy, I have to go home, we work in less than two hours.”

“Mm, what?” Lucy woke up from the most fantastic dream, she’d dreamed she’d slept in Carters arms all night after making love with him for hours. He’d taken her to heaven and back. She stretched slightly. “Mm, baby, don’t go.”

She mumbled, still half asleep, not wanting to wake from her reverie, in her mind still entangled with his smooth warm body, touching his soft skin.

Lips caressed her cheek, a voice whispered in her ear.

“I need to shower and change before work, I have to go. You need to get up and get ready for work too.”

She inhaled the spicy masculine scent as she buried her face into the extra pillow and her eyes snapped open. A little smile crossed her lips as she realized that it wasn’t a dream at all, John Carter had spent the night in her bed, he’d been incredible between the sheets, last night had been an amazing experience, she felt like she’d lost her virginity all over again.

She rolled and looked at the clock, 5:30am, then at his back as he gathered the clothing strewn across the floor, sitting on the bed momentarily.

“Come back to bed baby.” She wrapped her arms around him and yanked him down into the messy tangle of sheets.

“Lucy, I have to get ready for work. I need to go home, shower, and change.”

“So do I, but I am going to put a smile on your face before we go. I want a happy doctor at work today, I want you fully satisfied.” She nibbled at his earlobe and stroked his growing arousal as she spoke. “We can make it quick, I promise, you won’t be late for work.”

“You are insatiable.”  He muttered as his hand ran down between her legs, finding her wet warmth.

More than ready, she pushed her hips up towards him as he stroked her, her arms wrapped around his neck, rolling him on top.  She welcomed his now familiar weight, wrapping her legs around him, encouraging him to drive into her. It was hard and fast, Lucy moaning in his ear from the moment he entered her slick warmth.

Their hips pumped furiously, the sheen of sweat already starting on their bodies at the desperate pace, the exertion.

 _“Yes, baby, yes!”_ Lucy tipped back her head slightly, feeling his breath hot against her neck as he pounded into her body over and over, the sensation starting at her core and radiating to her hot center.

The orgasms slammed them both hard, Carter giving a couple final hard jerky thrusts as he spilled inside her and her body clamped tight around him.

“Wow that was intense.”  He finally croaked out, still catching his breath.

“ _That_ was a great wake up call. I could go for that every morning, Dr. Carter.” Lucy ran her hand up into his hair, kissing the side of his face as he buried his head against her neck.

He lifted his head and smirked at her. “Yeah, so we can both be fired. I better get home and shower and change, I have no clean clothes with me.”

“You don’t want to do the walk of shame?”

“What?”

“You know, showing up in the same clothes as the day before? The walk of shame, everyone knows you didn’t go home, you were with someone having sex.  All. Night.  Long.”  She wiggled her brows meaningfully.

“Ah, well, I don’t know if guys get all the worked up about people knowing what they were up to. Must be a girl thing, I just hate going to work in the same clothes, I don’t feel good if I have dirty clothes. Anyway, I don’t want to be late, and neither do you. Your supervising resident doesn’t like his students to be late, no matter what they were doing the night before, or with whom they were doing them.” He kissed her deeply. “You were magnificent, Ms. Knight, I will see you at work. Don’t be late.”

He kissed her again, hurriedly dressed, grabbing his keys and heading out the door.

She stretched luxuriously, very relaxed, he had not disappointed, that was for sure. She could smell him, the warm masculine scent clinging to her skin, she loved his hands on her body, his mouth kissing her. She definitely wanted him in her bed again. 

He was classy too, he didn’t sneak out this morning, he woke her gently, letting her know he was leaving and why.  He’d kissed her goodbye, told her he enjoyed being with her, it made her feel...happy. 

She hated it when she invited a guy to stay the night and he disappeared without so much as a good bye.  It felt so cheap and trashy, made her feel like a slut.  Lucy was not a prude by any stretch, she loved sex and wasn't afraid to admit it, but some guys treated you badly because you were so willing to be with them.  Like they hadn't taken advantage of the fact a woman wanted sex with them.

John didn’t do that, even though she’d initially been the one all over him, he didn’t make her feel like tramp because they’d had a night together.  He made her feel good about herself.

She reluctantly crawled out of bed and into the shower, she hated to wash his scent off, but she couldn’t go to work smelling like John Carter and sex. Especially not with Chuny on her case, she might notice Lucy had Carter’s expensive and distinct aftershave clinging to her. 

She mused about him while she washed her hair, how she had finally touched him, stroked him, felt that firm ass under her hands. Last night was so amazing, she knew several more things she would like to do with Dr. Carter given the chance.  A new woman, she stared at herself in the mirror, no man had ever made her feel like that in bed, she was not giving him up without a fight.

* * *

Carter chewed on his thumb on the drive home, deep in thought. He had not _meant_ to spend the night with her, but he had. It was warm and comfortable in her bed, the sex had been amazing. She had wanted him to stay, even knowing it might be a one night stand. Everything in his being told him this was wrong. He should not be taking advantage of a med student.

He snorted a bit…who was taking advantage? She’d left her backpack on purpose, asking him to bring it up, showing up at the door in silky, sexy lingerie, she even admitted she wore it for him.

Game on, he thought. Carter hated sleeping alone, he had spent too much of his life alone in that massive house when his parents were gone. Alone for holidays, alone for his birthdays, alone so much. Coming home from boarding school to find his parents were far, far, away. Of course his grandparents had so often invited him, but it always turned into the same thing. The family obligation. _John, we need you to be part of the business. John, we are counting on you to take over some day.  John when are you going to be over this silly phase of yours, working in medicine when we need you in the family business._

John knew he’d be interminably bored working in an office.  He did _not_ want to end up liked Chase, who was now permanently disabled after his Heroin overdose.  Why had he fought so hard to bring Chase back, he wished he had let him go in peace.  He loved his cousin dearly, but he was only a shell of who he had been, and it was his fault. 

All John wanted to be was a doctor, and to find a woman who could love him just as he was, one that didn’t care about the money. So far he had struck out, every time he hoped he had found love, she walked away.

Anna who toyed with his heart then ran back to Max. Harper who dumped him because he dared play Dale the weasel’s game, to get a few procedures so he could actually stay in the program. Elaine ran off to Europe, telling him it was just about the sex, as had Keaton, she went to Pakistan, though that was more about work and he understood that.

Sometimes like with Roxanne, the sex was good but he couldn’t wait to get away from her. She irritated and annoyed most days, he didn’t even really like her much towards the end, and he was ashamed to admit she was just a warm body in his bed. A warm body who loved sex, she was insatiable, and he was too, he could make love to woman over and over in one night.

Carter loved sex, he loved making a woman feel good, while he was making himself feel good. Lucy loved sex too, that he could tell. She had said months ago that the sex would be great, they had chemistry, and once she had stopped trying to rush things, it had gotten downright hot.

It really wasn’t surprising they had fireworks between the sheets, it had taken every ounce of control to stop from taking her in the exam room that day.  Roxanne had gotten extra lucky that night, it had been insane, damn good thing Kerry had been on shift.

He sighed.  It would be wrong for him to continue this relationship, but he wasn’t sure he could resist if she invited him into her bed again.

He knew the theories, his mom had never been there, so he was looking for something. He opened his heart too easily, and got burned, a lot. But, he also got into a lot of women’s beds, and his affairs, as short as they sometimes were, meant at least he wasn’t always sleeping alone.  He knew sometimes he got into relationships because he was lonely, he didn't need a therapist to tell him he was screwed up, an emotional basket case half the time.  He hid it well, but underneath he craved a woman who could truly love him, but he often settled for companionship and physical comfort.

Like with Abby Keaton, almost a soul mate, she had embraced her work, resigned to being alone a lot of the time. They’d filled a need in each other, and he had slept at her place most nights when they were seeing each other. It left a big hole when she’d moved away, even though he knew she was never serious about him. She was a lot older than him, and he knew it was just sex and companionship she desired, though they did get along really well.

Maybe he was just unlovable. Maybe he’d just drift through life, one woman after another, warming their beds but never their hearts. That’s what Lucy wanted, she even said he could come warm her bed, she wanted to keep having sex. She never said she cared about him personally, just that the sex would be great. And it was.

Maybe this time he would keep his heart under wraps and just enjoy a strict physical relationship, he’d done it with Roxanne, he could do it again. After all, she was a student and it couldn’t last.  If he could sleep with an Attending when he was an intern and get away with it, he could keep the Lucy thing secret too.  He decided that if she invited him, he would take her up on it.  He didn't want to invest too deeply, he was tired of getting his heart broken, but tired of being alone too.

He arrived right before 7am, barely enough time to grab a coffee and get his lab coat from his locker. He hummed, a little grin on his face. Man, Lucy was hot, she loved it fast and hard, Carter had really needed the sexual release since he’d been single for a couple months. He’d dated and slept with a couple girls, but it was nowhere as good as last night.

Mark wandered in. “You’re in a good mood. New lady in your life?”

Mark smirked at him, as Carter raised a brow.

“You look like you got laid last night Carter, don’t even deny it.  Have to admit, I’m a touch jealous, you need to teach me your secret.”

People didn’t realize, Carter knew he had a reputation around County.  People here were inordinately interested in his sex life, and someone always commented when he had a new girlfriend. Rumours abounded about his penchant for attractive blond older women and people commented how he had everything going for him.  Women found him attractive...patients of all ages came on to Carter, and though he would not admit it, he’d even caught a few men checking out his ass.  He brushed them off quickly, pretended to be oblivious to it, he would be teased mercilessly if anyone caught wind of how many times guys propositioned him.

It made him wonder if he gave off an unconscious vibe, but...no, no way, Carter plain loved women, he had never even contemplated being with a man and he never would, he just didn’t swing that way.

“Uh, no one special,” he said.

“How are things going with Lucy?”

Carter gave a bit of a start. Did he know?

“Um-mm, sorry?”

“You know, working with her. You two seemed to be at odds again yesterday, she was pissed about something when she left last night.”  Mark dug in his locker so fortunately missed Carter’s reaction to the initial inquiry.

“Oh, well, I’ll talk to her today. I bet she didn’t like me clearing some of her patients.  She tries to run too many cases at once, so I cleared the board a bit, we were short on beds. I ran through the minors about five times faster, and let her keep a few of the tougher ones so she had a chance to learn something new.”

“Oh. Okay then, let her know. Good job, though, it was busy yesterday and we really needed the beds. Just don’t forget to help her learn how to manage her patient load.” Mark patted him on the shoulder, got a coffee and left.

Carter walked out and started with the first chart, looking at his watch, damn she was late. She was definitely awake when he left just before 6am, no question she was awake. His mouth twitched, he tried not to smile, thinking about the wake up call.

“Anyone seen Lucy?”

Chuny sidled up. “Oh, why did you need Lucy, Carter?” She used the insinuating tone she had perfected.  Carter knew to be extra careful around Chuny, she was sharp, and missed little.

“She’s on shift at 7am, and I want her to pick up some patients. That’s why I need her, she my med student, Chuny.” He unconsciously started humming again and Chuny watched him.

“Get lucky last night? You seem in a very good mood. Better be careful though, don’t let Lucy find out you got laid.”

Carter shot a glance at Chuny. “Why would she care about my personal life? Why does everyone care so much about my sex life? I can’t be in a good mood without it being about sex?”

Chuny giggled. “Well, you probably have one of the best sex lives of everyone in the ER. We’re jealous that’s all. And Lucy won’t like you being with another woman.  You should see how she looks at your girlfriends, she detested Roxanne.”

“All right then. If you say so, though not sure why she would care, she’s not my girlfriend.” Carter shrugged, catching the sight of Lucy out of the corner of his eye as she rushed in the doors.

He’d warned her about being late, though it would be fun to give her a little lecture...just for show.

* * *

 Lucy pushed through the doors at 6:58am, she’d better hustle or she’d be late. Daydreaming about her night and morning with Carter a little too long had set her back, the trains were slow and now she was rushing.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Carter already picking up charts. Damn, he looked so good, and she'd had him in her bed last night.  That brought a smile to her face, the sex had been out of this world, and she was sure they were just getting warmed up, that it could be even better.

He seemed irritated already, she could see him look at his watch, before he strode down the hallway towards the exam rooms.  He’d asked her not to be late, and she was, it was her fault she’d ruined his fantastic mood .  She’d intended for their morning activity to put him in a light mood, give her a bit of leeway when she’d realized she was going to be late, but maybe not.  She recognized he couldn’t show even a hint of favouritism at work, or someone would make the connection.

She grabbed a couple charts from the front of the rack and started workups. 7:05 am. So she was a couple minutes late. A little grin crept over her face. Carter could spank her later if he was upset about her being late. Yeah, that would be just what the doctor ordered, he could take down her pants and…she let the smile slide off her face, as she noticed Chuny smirking.

“You look very radiant this morning Lucy, and quite happy. Did you have a...good night?”

“Oh, um, yes, I had a terrific sleep.”

Chuny giggled. “Sleep. I doubt it, honey. Good try but you look like a well-loved woman this morning. Hmm mm, and Carter is humming and looks kind of happy too. You two been knocking boots again?”

Lucy laughed lightly, thinking that this woman never let up, but she was right.

“Again? That implies we ‘knocked boots’ before. We never did anything you know. He’s my supervisor, it would be wrong for me to date him.”  Hmm, he’s humming and looks happy? Guess he did like the morning activity, she thought.

“You can knock boots without dating the guy. Just bang his brains out honey, he’s really cute, you should go for the older experienced man."  Chuny lowered her voice.  "I've heard he's pretty damn great in bed, he's too young for me, but he's perfect for you. I won’t tell, you know, if you decide to take advantage of the situation. You two would make a really cute couple.”

“Chuny, he’s my supervisor I can’t have sex with him, no matter how cute he is. I need to see some patients, Carter gets grouchy if I don’t keep up, and if he’s in a good mood today I don’t want to spoil it.”

She located Carter viewing some x-rays for Lockhart.

“Yup, there, and there. Cast it up, I’ll come by and check on you, don’t let the patient go until I’ve seen them.”

“Right Dr. Carter.”

“You were late, Ms. Knight. Did you…oversleep this morning?”  He kept his face very straight as he spoke to her, but she could see the gleam in his eyes.

He used a very stern tone with her, Lucy could see Chuny watching them.

“No, sorry, Dr. Carter, I got my _wake up_ call, the trains were a bit slow this morning.” 

He wore a poker face, not even a twitch of his lips gave it away.

* * *

 Wake up call. You sure did.  Carter almost laughed out loud at her little double entendre.

“I see, well, don’t make a habit of it.  I'll let it go today because you are generally on time. What have you got?”

She ran down her patients, Carter did his review, quick exams, signed off and shooed her off to proceed with treatment. 

Carter was running like crazy, with a full load of patients, plus overseeing Lockhart and Lucy. It was going well, seemed like Lucy had listened when they'd had their little talk last night.  Pillow talk, guess that did work with her.  Mark grabbed him and pulled him into an empty exam room.

“Whoa there Carter. Everything okay?  You seem to be going 90 miles an hour today.”

“Sure, just busy. Two med students, and my own patients are keeping me hopping.”

“Well, whatever you said to Ms. Knight must have worked, she isn’t arguing at all today.”

Carter laughed. “Yeah, well, don’t get too excited, she must be having an off day or something. But we did have a bit of a talk, so she is trying to listen more and talk less.”

Carter’s heart thumped, Mark was asking about Lucy a lot today, had he seen or heard something?  He had scanned to see if there were any cameras near where he parked and he hadn't seen anything but he was still a bit nervous.  One of his worst fears, that they had been caught on a surveillance camera and it would be public viewing.  _That_ would make for some gossip, video of him screwing his med student in the parking lot.

“Great, it will go a long way towards your application for Chief Resident if you can resolve you issues with coworkers. Keep it up.”

Carter breathed a sigh of relief, but it was a little bit funny too.  If Mark only knew why she’d stopped arguing, he would be fired on the spot. He finally started to relax, evidently no one had seen the incident in the parking lot, and the day flew by.

He was finishing up some charts in the lounge when Lucy walked in. She looked around to make sure they were alone.

“Quiet in here?”

“Yup, no one here but me. What did you need Luce?”

She came close, he could smell her soft floral scent and he lifted his eyes to hers.  The room felt electrically charged, a jolt passed between them and he felt a stirring in his groin.  She trailed her hand down his arm.

“A doctor. In my bed tonight. You off at 7?” Lucy whispered, even though they were alone.

“Uh huh. What did you have in mind?” Carter looked back down, keeping his attention on his chart.  If someone walked in it would not do to be staring into her eyes, he needed to get himself under control.

Lucy removed her hand, it seemed she realized it was too familiar to be touching him in this manner at work. 

“I’ll make us some dinner, for around 8pm, bring some clothes for tomorrow so you don’t have to rush home to shower and change. I want you in my bed all night again, and I loved the wake up call.”

The lounge door swung open.

“Carter we need you. Multi MVA.” Haleh ran her eyes over the two, taking in the pile of charts.

Carter pushed back his chair. “How long?”

“Now.”

“Ms. Knight, did you want to join us?” He said formally as he flipped his charts shut, scooping them up, and dropping them on the admit desk as he went by.

An hour later they ripped off the gloves as the last patient was taken upstairs.

“Great job everyone, that was 100% on the saves.” Mark pushed out through the doors.

Carter looked at his watch as he entered into the lounge.

“And I’m out of here, 7:45 already. I might be late for my dinner plans.  I really need a shower and some clean clothes.” He purposely did not make eye contact with Lucy.

“Oh nice, going out? I am just cooking at home tonight. I could really use a glass of wine, but I think I’m totally out. Hmm, yeah, pasta, I need some red wine.” Lucy was putting her things in her locker at the same time, Carter almost smiled at the hint.  Wine...check.

“Well, goodnight.” Carter shut his locker.

Lockhart came in, opening her locker at the same time.

“Dr. Carter, I was going over to Doc's for a bite to eat, did you want to come?”

“Oh sorry, Abby, I’m supposed to meet a friend for dinner, so maybe another time. I have to run, I’m late with the MVA.”  He watched Lucy’s mouth twitch, he willed her not to smirk.  Abby flirted with him, Lucy had noticed.

“Lucy? Did you want to go to Doc's?” Abby Lockhart glanced over at her.

“Oh, I’m kind of beat, I think I am just going to bed early tonight. Thanks for the invite, I’ll take a raincheck.”

* * *

Lucy sped out of the ER and up the stairs to the L. She wanted to get home, freshen up and start dinner.

She trudged from the L to her apartment, not seeing Carter’s Jeep anywhere in sight. She let herself into the apartment, digging out the sauce and setting the burner to low heat.

She wanted a shower, she smelled like hospital, not exactly romantic, even if her date was a doctor.  She hummed happily, using some of her lavender body wash, finally realizing the door buzzer was ringing.  She wrapped up in a towel then ran for the door, worried he would give up and go home.   Or worse, join Abby at the diner, Abby had been eyeing Carter for a while, she was a bit infatuated with the doctor too.

“Hello.”

“Hi Lucy.” His rich voice filtered through the speaker.

“Come on up.”  A smile creeped across her face. He showed up. Just what she ordered, a hot doctor in her bed again tonight. She hit the switch and opened the door a crack.

She swiftly pulled on some clothes, and swept a brush through her hair, just making it to the kitchen when she heard his voice.

“Red wine, right?” She looked up to see Carter standing there, holding up not one, but two bottles of wine.

She ran her eyes over him, casually but well dressed in a button down shirt and expensive looking dark washed jeans. She liked this look on him, casual, but not too casual.  Sexy.

“Perfect. I’m making pasta and Caesar salad, it would have been a bit fancier but we finished so late.”

“That’s great, Luce, I’m not picky, but I am starving.” He pushed the door shut, shrugged off his jacket and dropped a small bag on the floor. “It smells really great.”

Hmm, he did bring a change of clothes, she thought. She anticipated spending another night in his arms.

“What can I help with?” He hung his jacket neatly and tucked the bag out of the way. Nice and tidy too. Though Lucy remembered that from the dorm, very tidy, organized, just like at work.

“Oh, just open the wine, the glasses are up in the cupboard over there, and the corkscrew is probably in that drawer there.” He stepped into the kitchen and she turned towards him slightly. She wanted to kiss him hello, but should she? They’d had sex last night, she really wanted to kiss him, but what were the boundaries?

Carter answered her question, just not in words.  He leaned down and kissed her. A gentle, lingering kiss, with those soft, luscious lips, she wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, caressing as she pulled him closer and intensified the kiss.

Lucy’s heart pounded. Now that was a great hello, having him kiss her like that, it made her weak in the knees. It carried promise for later, her heart soared at the thought he would be in her bed tonight, kissing her, loving her like she dreamed about. His hand rested on the side of her face, his thumb brushed over her cheek oh so lightly as he pulled back.

“Don’t burn our dinner.” He whispered.

Lucy came back to the present with a start, and a slight giggle. She could hear the sauce bubbling furiously now.

“No, that would never do.” She turned to the stove, quickly turning it down before she scorched it, and dropped the pasta in the hot water to cook. Lucy washed the lettuce while Carter opened the wine.

He moved around her easily in the kitchen, she could smell the fresh tang of shampoo and aftershave, so he’d showered too. He smelled better than dinner in her opinion, she would love to drag him to bed right now, but she restrained herself. Let the anticipation build, she thought, feed him some good home cooked food, and get into his heart. She didn’t want this to be just sex, or just a fling. Carter was the kind of guy she wanted around for a long time, maybe he was even the marrying kind.

Lucy wondered what it would be like, being his wife. Waking up to him every morning after a night of being loved. She bet it would be fantastic, he seemed to treat the women in his life pretty well.

As tough as he could be, as grouchy, as hard on her as he was, she had seen flashes of who he was underneath - a good person, and she wasn’t yet sure why he was so tough on the surface sometimes. She didn’t have him quite figured out, though she hoped to get to really know him, see if he would let her in.

She shook off the thoughts, she was way too far ahead of herself. She needed to get him into a relationship first, be his girlfriend, not imagine being Mrs. Carter.  No, it would be Dr. Carter.  Dr. Lucy Carter.  Hmm, she liked the way it sounded.  Oops, she was doing it again, she had to stop fantasizing.

She set the table, Carter jumping in and helping her. He took the plates from her hands to put them out for her, her fingers tingled as their hands touched.

“It really does smell good. Do you cook much?” Carter’s smile that made her heart flip as he pulled out her chair.

It was cute he seated her first. Guys didn’t act like that in her world, and Dale was not at all like Carter either. Carter seemed the true gentleman when in public, though he sure the hell wasn’t in the bedroom, where it became a whole other ballgame, but in a very good way. Kind of the perfect combination in Lucy’s mind, a man who treated her well but wasn’t boring when it came to sex.

“Thanks, my mom’s recipe. I always have some in the freezer, for nights like tonight, where I don’t get out of work on time. I do like to cook, I just don’t always have time. You know, the thing about having a single mom like I do, her mission was to make me self-sufficient.” She watched as he expertly rolled the pasta onto his fork and took a bite.

“Mm, well, she did a good job, it's delicious, Luce.” She felt the rush of pleasure, not just that he liked her cooking, but that he’d taken up a nickname for her, she loved it when he called her Luce.  It seemed casually intimate.

“Do you cook? Did your mom teach you?”

“No, I can get by in the kitchen, but my cooking is not spectacular. I tend to eat out a lot, time and cooking skills are my downfall. My mom wasn’t…all that domestic.” 

She caught the slight hesitation, his family was a mystery, there were rumours of course, but he seemed like such a regular guy.  She let the comment go for now, they had lots of time.

She sipped the wine. “Oh, I like this one. What is it?” She looked at the label. “So, you must know a bit about wines?”

“Sure, I’m a pro at lifting bottles out of my grandparent’s wine cellar.” He winked at her and she thought she was going to dissolve into a puddle.

“Don’t they miss it?  Or get upset you take their wine?”

“No, my grandmother knows I take a few bottles every time I’m there, they order it by the case. They entertain a lot and they have a huge selection. She’s the wine connoisseur, not me. She usually insists I take some when I’m there, I think she is trying to train me through osmosis, without making it seem like she is? I do take note of the ones I really like though, and I know what to look for, what I like if I order in a restaurant.  So I guess her plan is working.”

“Mm, well, if we go out to eat, I’ll let you order the wine. I don’t know much about wine, you don’t know much about food.”

“Oh, I know a lot about food, I can order with the best of them, I just don't how to cook it. I love to eat, and my grandparents throw some elaborate dinner parties. You know, 5 course meals, the works.”

“Really. I don’t think I have ever had a 5 course meal, my mom taught me basic meals, but it is good food.” Lucy felt a bit intimidated now, and Carter picked up on it

“Which is great, I love really down to earth basic cooking. You know, like what we are having now, like what we had at the restaurant the other night. It is fun to go out for a fancy dinner once in a while, but I am not a food snob or anything Lucy. If it tastes good and it is cooked well, then I am happy. I am not all that picky.”

Lucy realized that she didn’t know a whole lot about Carter besides what he portrayed at the hospital. Though by the end of dinner she was getting a better idea. He was still dropping hints that he was probably not aware of, and she was getting the feeling he was anything but an average guy. She knew from his comment the other night that he’d traveled a bit, that he was not that close to his parents. His mom was domestically challenged and he spent more time with his grandparents than his parents.  A cut above other guys she had dated, in his manners, how he talked, there were all these little things that made her wonder even more about him.  She had suspected for a while that his family must be reasonably well off.

He dressed nicely, she hadn't missed the fact that he wore monogrammed shirts.  The comments that his parents really were jet setters and never around?  His grandparents with 5 course dinners?  Who was John really?  Not that she cared about money, she really didn't but...he was a conundrum.

He helped her clean up the kitchen then she sighed.

“I hate finals, I have a ton of exams coming up soon. You wouldn’t want to help me study, would you?”

“Ah, it all becomes clear, you needed someone to help you with homework.”

“You caught me, though maybe Dale would be better at anatomy, since he’s still in surgery and you’re not.” Lucy realized she had made a mistake the minute she said the name. John and Dale did not get along, at all, they had a bitter rivalry, and Carter intensely dislike Edson. There were things that apparently had happened when they were both surgical interns that fueled the dislike.

“Well, if you prefer, you could call him then. I know you two got pretty close there.” Carter put his glass on the counter. “I should probably go, let you study. Thanks for dinner.”

Lucy was starting to panic a bit, she had hit a nerve bringing up Dale.  She knew he didn't like Dale, but she suddenly realized it went far beyond that.  Carter was friendly with everyone, but it was clear he had a hate on for Dale.  A true pure dislike of him, and it gave her pause.

“Carter…John, don’t go. I’m sorry, that was just supposed to be a joke. I never slept with Dale, I was just trying to make you jealous.” Lucy finally admitted the whole Dale thing was a mistake. “I never liked him much, he was always staring at my ass or my breasts….though then again I swear I caught you looking at my ass a couple times too.” She reached out and grabbed Carters arm. “Really, it was a bad joke. I never liked him, I wanted you to notice me.”

“Yeah, don’t bring Dale into any of this, okay? He and I are not on the best of terms.” Carter sighed. “And I left surgery because it doesn’t fit who I am, Aunspaugh was very angry with me for leaving, but they let me go to Emergency Medicine. I could have done it, I just didn’t want to.  I know Dale likes to make a deal out of it, but...never mind.”

“John? Why _did_ you leave surgery?”  Lucy was truly curious, and she knew this was a chance to get him to open up.

“Well, surgeons have little patient contact, it’s all about getting people under the knife, while Emergency is treating the whole person. You talk to people, and really see the difference you make. I’m more of a people person, to be honest I went down the surgery road to make my family happy. They didn’t want me to be a doctor, I had to fight them and I did Medical school against their wishes. The only thing that appeased them was me pursuing surgery, and at first I thought it was what I wanted. Then I realized that I didn’t really want surgery. So here I am.”

“My mom is thrilled I am going to medical school. It is so strange that any family wouldn’t want their child to be a doctor. What did they want you to be?”

“A rich white guy.”

Lucy frowned. “What does that even mean?”

“Never mind. They wanted me to go into the family business. Finance mostly, and I am not the corporate sit in an office and go play golf kind of person. I have a Bachelor degree in Finance along with my MD, it was that or doing Pre-law. I love what I do, it’s all I ever wanted to do.”

“And you’re good at being a doctor. Wow, I could not see you as a lawyer. Not that I don’t think you could do it, just that you don’t seem the lawyer type.” Lucy walked up and put her arms around him. Tipped her head up and kissed him, then took his hand. “Forget the studying, I have a better idea.”

“Do you.”

“I certainly do, let’s watch a movie and relax.”

Carter shrugged. “I really don’t mind helping you study, Lucy. You need to do well for your finals, and even if you only do an hour or so it will make a difference.  Finals are tough.”  He was quiet for a moment.  “Lucy?”

“What?”

“Don’t do shit to make me jealous okay?  That undermines trust, it wrecks relationships.  If you feel the need to engage in that kind of behaviour?  I’m gone.”  His straightforward statement surprised her.  “I’ve had to deal with it before, particularly with Dale the Weasel, so...stay away from him, I know things about him you don’t, I tried to tell you, but you didn’t want to hear it.”

“How do you know?”

“I was a surgical intern with him...and a good friend of mine knew him at school.  Don’t trust him, ever.”

“Noted.”  Lucy tilted her head. “You really don’t mind spending your free time helping me study?”

“No, I’m of used to it. When you are a doctor, you are always keeping up to date on things, I read a lot of medical stuff, journals, all of that in my free time. If you are going to do well on your tests, you need to study, and I won’t interfere with that.”

Funny how Dale was all about getting her to go out and talking her out of studying where Carter was talking her into it.

“Okay then, if you’re sure.”

“Get your books.” They sat on either end of the sofa and Carter quizzed her.

She sighed in frustration as she got the anatomy wrong again.

“Let’s try something, it will help.  Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”  Lucy closed her eyes tightly.  “Relax, take a deep breath, in and out.  Okay, now, picture it, visualize it.”

“This is silly, how does this help.”  She opened her eyes and frowned.

“Trust me.  Close your eyes!”  

Lucy rolled her eyes, then did as he asked.

“Describe  what you are seeing.”

“What do you mean, I see the bowel, and the intestine.”

“No, no.  Describe it you know, like a heart feels like a bag of worms, picture it and describe it like that.”

“Um...all right.”  Lucy started to talk, her eyes closed, coming up with the silliest descriptions she could.  He made her do this for a while, then she realized...she’d memorized the anatomy.  “Wow, it seems so stupid, but it works.  Where did you come up with that?”

“Sadly, I cannot take credit, but...I worked with a paediatric Surgeon, she’s very well known, top in her field, works in Boston now at their Children’s Hospital.  She did this before every surgery, after examining the patient, she visualized, what to expect, and how it should look corrected.  I still do it when I am studying.  Tests were always my weak spot. I had to learn to manage them, I knew my stuff, but...tests did me in sometimes, but I swear this got me through.”

“I know what you mean, John. I get so nervous and I seem to forget everything. Maybe this stuff will help. And the anatomy stuff, how do you know all of this?”

“Uh, maybe a year as a surgical intern? I did quite a few major procedures, assisted and observed a ton, and I even assisted on some pediatric surgeries. You don’t get into the OR without hours of preparation, Lucy.”

“Of course not, that makes total sense. I think I am going to need you as my study buddy from now on, I’ll ace my tests.”

“Happy to help.” Carter yawned, it was getting late and they had both put in a long day.

Lucy put her books aside and scooted down to the end with Carter.

“Bed time?”

“Yeah, I’m tired and we both have to work tomorrow at 7 am right?”

“Yeah we do. Come to bed with me.” Lucy took his hand, pulling him gently up off the couch and into her bedroom. Once they were there, she slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him. They undressed each other slowly, ending up finally in her bed.

Lucy loved how each time they were together was a bit different. He was not boring in bed that was for sure, in fact he was energetic and uninhibited, she was enjoying every second of having Carter loving her. As she drifted off to sleep, she did not regret asking him to stay. Magnificent is all she could think, I don’t think I will get tired of this guy in a hurry. And he could perform more than once a night, she could get used to having someone do that to her 2 or 3 times in a row.

She woke up the next morning to soft kisses, she sleepily opened her eyes. Damn, he was cute first thing in the morning, his hair ruffled, and the sleepy smile. She encourage his advances, knowing they were both going to work in a good mood if they had sex before they left. And Carter was in no rush, he didn’t have to go all the way home.

She cuddled up to him for a few minutes afterwards, before they had to get up for work.

“John.” She enjoyed calling him by his first name. And now she was doing it when they had sex, which was even better.

“Mm-mm, yeah Luce?”

“Are we exclusive?”

“What?”

“You aren’t seeing anyone else, right? While we are together you aren’t going to have sex with anyone else?”

“No, I won’t have sex with anyone else. What about you?”

“No, I only want you. So can we skip the condoms? We had sex already more than once without, we’re both clean, I’m on the pill. I don’t want to get pregnant, but it is so much nicer when we can cuddle after, you don’t have to deal with the condom.”

He had insisted they should be using condoms every time. He was concerned as long as she was a student they had no room for the risk of her getting pregnant.

Carter sighed. “I know Lucy, but if we are going to do this, then I don’t want to take any risks, if you are on the pill and we are using condoms, it is virtually impossible for you to get pregnant. I’d rather be extra careful. If we are together when you graduate, we can talk about it again.”

“So you are not worried about the other risks, just getting me knocked up?”

“At this point I am not sure there are any other risks, if we were going to give each other any deadly infections, well, news flash, it's done.  As you pointed out, we've had unprotected sex several times.  So, yeah, my main concern, Luce, is you getting pregnant. You are still a student, do you want to take the chance of having a baby right now? I sure the hell don’t want lose my career, we are already taking big risks being involved like this.”

Lucy nodded. “Okay, but I want to talk about it when I graduate. I think the pill is good birth control.”

“It is good, but it's not perfect, and you know that.  There is too much room for error, if you miss even one for any reason then we could be in trouble. We would be facing some serious decisions, losing our careers or terminating a pregnancy. Can you deal with that? A baby should be a good thing, and I don’t want to face those sort of choices. If we are going to have sex we need to be smart about it, and deal with the small inconvenience of a condom each time.”

Carter spoke seriously, she had to agree. She didn’t know what she would do if she found herself pregnant, especially with Carter’s child. She cared a lot about him already and terminating a pregnancy, especially his baby would not be an easy thing to do.  But, she was in no position to raise a child, and he wasn’t either. Been a resident demanded all his time and attention and he wanted to be Chief Resident, which involved another year and long dedicated hours.

“Okay, agreed. Until I graduate and it is no longer taboo for us to date, then I want you without.”

“We’ll discuss it when you graduate, okay? You might be tired of me before then. And we don’t know what will be going on in our lives either. I’m not quite ready to be a father, are you ready to be a mother?”

“No, you’re right, I’m not ready to have a baby. As for being tired of you by then? I don’t think so, but we will see.”

“You know Chuny said I should be careful you didn’t find out I was getting laid. She seemed to think you would mind if I was getting lucky. Do you?”

“Nope, you can get lucky as much as you want, as long as it’s with me.”  


	5. Chapter 5

Lucy woke up to the sound of his alarm clock ringing incessantly, she could tell John was already awake.

"Luce, baby, time to get up."  He gently shook her and kissed the back of her neck.  He reached over and silenced the alarm.

"Five more minutes, John, please?"

"Nope, we have a shift in an hour, you don't have time, so up."  He flipped back the covers and tickled her.  She dissolved with laughter.

"Stop!  Stop it!  I'm awake, I'm getting up."  She giggled.

"Okay, I am going to get the shower warmed up, be there in one minute or you are in big trouble."

“What, you going to spank me?”  She taunted him playfully.

“Don’t tempt me.”  He retorted as he padded off into the bathroom, the lights coming on and the sound of water as he flushed the toilet and turned on the shower.

Lucy flopped back on her pillow, then rolled out of bed, stumbling into the bathroom moments later, stripping down and joining him.  She stood on her toes to get up close enough to give him a kiss.

"Morning honey."

"Good morning Lucy." Carter washed his hair quickly and was ready to get out, leaving her to finish her shower.  He wrapped up in a fluffy towel and went back out to get dressed.

It had been about 5 weeks now, and they were spending a lot of time together outside of work, they’d fallen into a very comfortable lifestyle.

Lucy made most of their meals, Carter helped with dishes, and was always helping her study.   When they had a day off, they would go out to movies or dinner, but were careful to stay away from places frequented by other staff at County. 

It became a routine, meeting down the street, staying most often at his apartment. His place was much larger than hers, he had two bedrooms and a massive bed that was incredibly comfortable.   Lucy loved his bed, the soft sheets, his bright and spacious apartment and it was a treat that someone came in to clean and do laundry.  At first though she was a little surprised.

“A maid? Seriously John?”

“Yes, I work long hours, I hate cleaning and laundry. So I have someone come in and do it. Big deal.”

“I can’t afford a maid, and once I’m done school my student loans are going to kill me. How in the world can you manage?”

“I just do, don’t worry about it.”

Carter still didn’t talk much about his family, but Lucy was determined to get him to open up to her.  They had been together a lot.  They were having sex regularly, which seemed to be getting better each day and Lucy loved cuddling up to him in bed every night...or day depending on which shifts they were on.

He truly was sweet, he did a lot of little things for her, and he was incredibly fun to hang out with as well. After the first week, Carter had given her a key to his apartment, her clothing slowly migrating into his closet, it was just easier and more convenient to be at his apartment. She had a drawer in his dresser and a set of personal items including a toothbrush in his bathroom.

She didn’t spend much time at her apartment now, they were almost always scheduled for the same work shifts and slept together all the time.  She went by to pick up her mail, water the plants, check her messages, and make her regular phone call to her mom.  She hadn't mentioned she was seeing anyone, she didn't think it was such a good idea to let her mom know that she was having sex with her supervisor.

At work, things were going well.  Lucy had to smile, when they started to get irritated with each other, it would just mean the sex would be extra hot that night, and then things calmed down.  The pillow talk always followed and they would work out whatever the issue was.  She was pretty satisfied with the arrangement, there were times when she was tempted to argue and piss him off just knowing what would happen when they got home.  But of course, John was wise to her already.

Dr. Greene commented to both her and Carter on separate occasions about their improved working relationship.  He’d noticed, which made Carter a bit uncomfortable and guilty as he was getting praise for working things out with Lucy. Making the effort when they both knew he was being praised for having a very personal and intimate relationship with her.

Chuny watched them both closely at work as usual, her comments suggestive as always. They were very nonchalant with each other at the hospital, trying to keep their distance and not spend much time together aside from when they were working on patients. Chuny noticed they both seemed pretty happy these days, and was bugging them both constantly about who they were dating.

Carter came home one afternoon to find Lucy studying. He dropped onto the couch beside her, flipping the book slightly to look at the title.

“Ah into the exciting stuff.”

“Yeah, I need a nap soon from all the excitement. How was the end of your shift?”

“Fine. Chuny is on my case again about my girlfriend. She is dying to know who I am dating, I need to start making some stuff up, like a name for this girl.”

“She’s always after me too, about the name of my guy. I started calling you Eric.”

“Eric huh. Do I look like an Eric?”

“Well sort of. I got it from the Little Mermaid, I used to watch it with the kids I babysat all the time. Do you know it?”

“Nope, can’t say I watch too many mermaid movies. In fact, I don’t watch _any_ mermaid movies.”

“Well, Eric is the prince and he falls in love with Ariel the mermaid, she’s the daughter of the Sea King .  So of course, King Triton wants Ariel to marry a merman, it is a forbidden to love Prince Eric, who is a regular man, kind of like how it is kind of forbidden for doctors to sleep with their students. So, you are my Prince Eric, my forbidden lover.”

“So you are my Ariel, is that it?”

“Exactly. So maybe that should be my code name, what you call me. Ariel.”

“Hm, a bit unusual, you don’t think anyone will connect it?”

“Nah, I doubt it.”

“Okay Ariel, time for bed.” Carter took the book from her hands and pulled her up into a kiss. “Early shift for both of us tomorrow.”

“But we are off early too.”

“Hopefully. We have Valentine’s night off you know. We are going to have to go out.”

“You want to take me out for Valentines?” Lucy asked, quite surprised by this suggestion.

“Um, yes, I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t?”

“I’d love to go out with you. So we have a date for after work on Valentines. I am looking forward to it…Eric.”

* * *

 Valentine’s rolled around, and Carter planned to do something fun and special. He booked a room at the Langham which was a very fancy hotel, arranged for dinner in the suite and bought Lucy a couple of nice presents.  He sent an enormous bouquet of long stemmed red roses to her at work, with a box of expensive handmade chocolates.

Jerry waved Lucy down as she came by to drop off some charts, Carter made sure he was conveniently located updating the board, he wanted to see her reaction without being obvious.

“Delivery for you, Lucy.”

“Wow. These are amazing!”  

Chuny giggled. “Wow, who’s the guy. That is a spectacular bouquet and chocolates too. Lucky girl. Who’s it from?” She pulled the card out of Lucy’s hands.

“Mmmm, can’t wait until tonight, love Eric. Eric, that's the new guy right?  Is he cute?”

Lucy giggled, Chuny laughter was infectious it seemed.

“He’s hot, very, very, hot.”

“Hear that Carter? Lucy is dating a very hot guy named Eric. No wonder she is looking so happy and radiant these days. I thought she was knocking boots with you.”

Carter shrugged. “I have a girlfriend, Chuny, why would I care who Lucy is dating?”

“What are you doing tonight with Eric?” Chuny turned back to Lucy.

“I think he is taking me for dinner if we ever get out of here.”

“How about you Carter? What are you doing with your girlfriend?”

“Oh, I was thinking a nice romantic dinner, a little overnight mini getaway. I only have tomorrow off.”

“Did you buy her a gift?”

“Of course.”

“What did you get for her?”

“The usual, flowers, chocolates.”

“That’s it?”

Carter laughed. “And I’m taking her somewhere really nice for dinner and an overnight, so that counts.”

“Where you going?”

“I’m not telling, it’s a secret, I don’t need everyone from work knowing where I am tonight.”

"Doing something a little kinky are we Carter?”

“Nope, just a nice night away.”

He watched out of the corner of one eye as Lucy opened the box of chocolates, purposely not looking at him. Lucy picked out one of the chocolates and popped it in her mouth.

“Oh, mm, these are almost better than sex.”

Chuny peered into the box. “Well, I am sure they are good, but better than sex? I am not sure sure about that, unless he's not doing it right."

Lucy raised any eyebrow at Chuny.  "Yeah, notice I said...almost better than sex?  He’s doing it just fine thank you very much, I am not complaining about my man’s performance.”

"Really.  Well good for you honey, maybe this Eric is a keeper. What does Eric do?”

“Oh, uh…he has a degree in finance. He does pretty well I guess.”

“Yeah, those roses alone were a bundle, they are from an actual florist, not the cheap grocery store bouquets some guys buy. Hey, that is a neat little box, what’s in there?” Chuny pointed to the chocolate in the middle. It was a heart, made from chocolate, and bigger than the rest.

“Hm, well, I guess we will find out.” Lucy lifted the lid.

Chuny gasped. “Wow. That is beautiful, Lucy.”

Carter watched covertly as he went through the chart,her eyes were a bit shimmery with tears as she held up the gorgeous heart pendant, the diamonds catching the light, winking as it turned suspended from her fingertips.

“See Carter? You should be doing something like this for your girlfriend. I hope you are not being cheap.”

“Oh, I think my girlfriend will be pretty happy with me after Valentine’s Chuny. Are you seeing anyone right now?”

“Yeah, but maybe not after I see all this. The man better step up big time. I have to admit I’m a touch jealous, you better keep Eric happy.  Those look like a real diamonds.”  Chung shook her head as she headed off to work.

“This is just gorgeous. Eric is going to get a special thank you later. Carter, could you do me a favour?”

“Like what?”

“Do you think…you could help me put it on?”

Jerry noticed everything and Carter was well aware of it, he could feel the clerk watching them, eavesdropping on every word.

“You should have asked Chuny. She’s probably better at it than me.”

“Yeah, but she’s with a patient now. Please? I want Eric to see it on me when he picks me up.”

Carter sighed dramatically, but held out his hand, then motioned for her to turn around.  Carter gently lifted her hair and fastened the chain securely around her neck. She turned and gave him a dazzling smile.

“Thank you, Dr. Carter.”

Carter knew the thank you was twofold, for both the necklace and for putting it on her.  Clever, he got to put the gift on her neck and see it right away. She seemed to love it too, which was the important part.

“You’re welcome. Now put those chocolates away before Jerry eats them, and then back to work, we have patients to see before boyfriend gets to take you away from here.”

He picked up chart and wandered off to finish with his patient.

Later they were both in the lounge getting ready to leave, Carter tucked something into her pocket.

“Don’t open that until you get out of here, and meet me there. I don’t want to chance anyone seeing us together.” He stepped away from her just as Chuny peeked in.

“Have a great night with the very hot Eric!”

“I will. I wish I could talk Carter into driving me home, I have a lot of stuff to take on the L.”

Carter sighed with annoyance. “I have a date Lucy, I have to get home and change. Why don’t you call Mr. Wonderful hot Eric to pick you up?”

Chuny huffed. “Oh come on Carter, be nice, and give your med student a ride home. That is an enormous bouquet of roses and the chocolates, she can’t take all that on the L.”

Carter sighed again. “Fine, hurry up Lucy, and I will drop you. But if I’m late you will pay for it.”

She quickly grabbed her stuff and ran to admit and scooped up her bouquet. Carter impatiently took her bouquet and they left. Once he got her into the Jeep he laughed softly.

“Well played.”

Lucy smiled. “You did a good job of acting yourself. Being a total impatient ass. So where are we going and are you going to wait while I grab my overnight bag and change my clothes?”

“Meet me there, I don’t want anyone seeing us going in together, it’s a hotel and it would look suspicious if we both went in at the same time. The Langham, and the room number is in the envelop you have in your pocket.”

He dropped her off, opening the front door for her before she scooted upstairs to get ready. He went home, showered quickly and changed, picking up the gift boxes he had wrapped and ready for her. They had been involved for about 6 weeks now, and it was going really well, but he hoped he had not gone overboard.

He made sure to arrive at the hotel well before Lucy, and put the gift boxes on the bed. He had rented a suite, requested the butler service and arranged a 5 course meal to be served in the room. Though unlikely, he really didn’t want to chance running into anyone he knew in a restaurant, and have to explain why he was there with Lucy.

* * *

 Lucy showered and took extra care with her appearance, wearing the nicest dress she had in her closet.  She wished they could have gone together to the hotel, but she understood his hesitation in showing up together.  And really understood why he didn't want to go to a restaurant.  If anyone saw them out on Valentines Day together, the gig would be up. She really didn't want this to end, it was a bit like a fairy tale to her, he really was a prince in a lot of ways.  He treated her like she'd always wanted a man to treat her.

John embodied the kind of guy she wanted to be with forever, someone who spoiled her with his attentions.  He opened doors, always paid for dinner or the movie, and at home he was a dream, helping clean up after dinner, helping her study and just generally being a sweet person.

She admired the pendant on her neck, she was not sure, but those looked like...real diamonds?  She was a bit floored that he had bought her such a nice present.  Along with the obviously expensive flowers and the chocolates, plus tonight with the hotel room and dinner, it was shaping up to be a very special Valentines.

She arrived looking beautiful in a simple but elegant dress. She was wearing the pendant around her neck.  She took in a deep breath and used the card key to get into the hotel room.

It was amazing!  She stepped in and noted the table set up near the wall of windows that looked out over the river.  There was soft music playing, and John was dressed very nicely in an expensive suit.  

He turned and smiled as she came in.

"You look beautiful Lucy."  He gave her a long kiss.

"You look pretty great yourself.  I love it when you dress up."  She brushed her fingers over his face.  “Thank you for all the goodies earlier, the flowers, the chocolates, the necklace and of course this.  It is gorgeous, I love it."  She reached up and kissed him deeply.

"Are you ready for some dinner?"

"I'm famished."

Carter pulled out her chair and the butler poured their wine.  Overall, dinner was a huge success, the food was delicious and they conversed easily.

The butler cleaned up and left right after he served the dessert, as Carter had requested. They shared a chocolate soufflé, then Carter held his hand out, and pulled her up into his arms.

Lucy was entranced, her day had been perfect. A stunning bouquet of roses, expensive chocolates, a gorgeous pendant she was almost certain came from Tiffany, and a romantic private dinner at a very expensive hotel. Now she was dancing in his arms, with the soft music washing over them, he held her very close, the mix of music she noticed was all very soft and romantic.

She rested her cheek against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, sure and steady, and she knew she was hopelessly in love. With someone forbidden to her, someone she should not be involved with at all, but she was in love, plain and simple.

Carter tipped Lucy’s head up and kissed her. Her response was deep and passionate.  He led her into the bedroom and they undressed each other carefully, exchanging kisses the whole while. Carter laid Lucy out on the bed, caressing her face as her blond hair fanned out on the pillow.

“You are so beautiful.”

Lucy reached up to him, wrapping her arms around him.

“I love you.” She whispered. “John, I love you.”

“I love you to Luce.”

They made love slowly, tenderly, every touch meaning more than ever to both of them.  Lucy felt her heart pounding in time with his, their bodies dancing against each other, limbs entwining as she wrapped herself around him.

* * *

 Carter watched every expression on her face as he loved her, feeling emotionally as well as physically connected to her. He could hear the music they had left on washing over them as she called his name.  They lay holding each other in the aftermath, facing each other and kissing each other gently, he knew he wanted to be with her forever.

Barely six weeks and he had done what he had sworn not to, given his heart completely to this feisty blond temptress, he was in deep, deep trouble, completely and totally in love.


	6. Chapter 6

“We are so screwed. That is just my luck, falling in love with someone who I am not even supposed to be with.” Carter sighed. “Lucy, we can’t let anyone know we are together. How are we going to do this?”

"We just continue on as we have. It’s special, having this as our little secret. Once I graduate, we can wait for a couple months, pretend to start dating, and then none of it will matter. John, I graduate in May, that’s only just over 3 months. Six weeks and I go upstairs to Psych. What other option do we have? Breaking up? No way, I am not letting you go.  I’m in love with you.”

“No, I don’t want to break up, but we need to be super careful, Lucy. It is going to get more difficult to hide our relationship, the feelings are too intense, we need to watch every move. It’s already exhausting trying to keep up the charade, I almost called you...you know...in front of Chuny.”

“I know, baby, but we have to do this. We have to be together John. We just have to be, I couldn’t bear it otherwise.”

“I know Luce, I know.” Carter kissed her deeply.

They lost themselves in each other for the next several hours, making love over and over,  both finally falling into an exhausted sleep.

Lucy awoke the next morning feeling loved and happy, still wrapped up in John’s arms. She smiled happily, thinking about their night together, their admissions, that they loved each other.  John had said it, he’d said ‘I love you Lucy.’  The most magical words on the planet.

She suddenly remembered she had not given Carter his gift, she’d been so elated, so sidetracked...she’d totally forgotten.  She got up and dug it out of her bag, and noticed that there were more gift boxes for her too.

“John.” Lucy kissed his lips and ran her hands through his hair. “Baby, wake up.”

“What time is it?” He muttered as he rolled over and buried his head in the pillow.

“Who cares? I forgot to give you your gift. I’m sorry baby, you did so much for me, the best Valentines ever.”

He turned over and looked up at her as she handed him the box. Carter sat up and pulled off the ribbon.

“You know you didn’t have to get me anything Lucy. I was just happy we had the night off together.”

“John. I had to get you something, it’s not huge but I hope you like it.” Carter opened the box, lifting out the new watch.

“Wow, this is great Lucy, I love it. I needed a new one, my other one is getting pretty scratched up.”

Lucy watched as he fastened it around his wrist.

“I know, and I saw you had some dress watches that are maybe a bit more expensive, but…this one you can wear to work, and I think it suits you.”

Carter pulled her in for a kiss. “Thank you baby, I love it.”

“If you don’t we can exchange it.” Lucy was feeling a bit upset because Carter gave her so much nice stuff, and she saw she still had three more presents to unwrap, and she had gotten him one, and she had to scrimp and save just for that. She felt a tear run down her cheek.

“Hey, Lucy. Come here.” Carter moved closer to her and used his thumbs to wipe the tears from her eyes. “Why are you crying baby.”

Lucy shook her head. “I just…” She burst into full tears now, sobbing as Carter hugged her.

“Luce, what’s wrong? Come on, tell me.”

“You did so much, and got us this nice room and dinner and the flower and chocolates and my necklace and…this morning I saw the other boxes and I only got you one thing, and it’s not much. I feel bad I only got you one thing.”

“Which I love. Lucy, it’s not a competition, I wanted to have a nice night with you, something special for Valentines. It’s okay honey, I didn’t expect a big expensive gift, you put a lot of thought into it if I know you at all and that means everything to me. You do lots of nice things, you cook us great dinners all the time and…I love you Lucy, I did it because I love you, not to make you feel bad. I wanted to make you feel special, to know you are special to me.”

“But you can’t really afford all of this John, you’re a resident too, how are you going to pay for it all.  You use your credit card all the time, you buy nice clothes, I mean it hasn’t escaped me that you have Armani, Prada and Hugo Boss in your closet. Baby, how can you afford it, even your underwear is designer.”

“Ah, well. Um, okay, so there is something about me that maybe you don’t know.”

“Please don’t let it be bad, or illegal. You don’t sell drugs or anything do you?”

“No Lucy I don’t. I know you’ve wondered, I live in a nice apartment, I have someone come in and clean, I drive a new car.”

“Yeah, your other one got torched, which was kind of my fault.”

“No it wasn’t, I knew it was a bad area of town. I do have other income aside from my resident salary, I don’t have student loans because my grandparents paid for school. My family is…wealthy.”

“So, what do you do for your other income?”

“Keep breathing.”

“I am breathing.”

“No, Lucy, I don’t have to do anything for my other income. It’s…a trust fund, I get income from a family trust every month, and my grandparents pay my rent. My credit card is automatically cleared at the end of each month from a savings account.”

“Ha ha John funny, you sound like some sort of rich guy. Seriously, you’re rich?  The rumours are true?”

“Yes Lucy, I am. Very, very rich. My family is anyway. Me personally, it is just the income from the trust fund, plus my salary, but I don’t have much for expenses. So, I can afford to spoil my girl a bit, and I enjoy doing it. Don’t worry about it okay?”

“So, who knows this, at work?”

“Well, anyone who has worked at County any length of time knows that I come from a wealthy family. I don’t discuss my other income though, so please don’t say anything, to anyone. You shouldn’t even know this and it would make people suspicious if you knew when no one else does.”

“Okay. I was worried you were going into debt for all of this, if that is not the case then fine.”

“I think you should come out to my grandparents with me and have dinner with them one night. Next dinner party, you can be my date.”

“You take a date to your grandparents dinner parties?”

“It’s kind of expected that I will, or they try to fix me up with someone.”

“Your grandparents try to fix you up with girls.”

“The right kind of girls, yes. It is the strange reality of my life, I am almost 30 and not married so they are taking matters into their own hands."

“You often have girlfriends though.”

“Yes, but I don’t introduce most of them to my grandparents.”

“And what are the right kind of girls?”

“Ah, um, okay but don’t freak out.”

“Spill it John.”

“Last dinner party it was the daughter of a Senator. Another time it was the mayor’s daughter, umm, the daughter of one of Chicago’s big time criminal lawyers, and a few other society girls.”

“You know the Mayor of Chicago?”

“My grandparents do, and I’ve met him, yes. Anyways, next party, you are my date. Now since you’ve seen the boxes, go open your last presents. Keep in mind, this one is kind of for me too.”

Lucy slid off the bed and picked up the three boxes. She pull the bow off the first one and opened it. Lined up were several pairs of thong panties. Very expensive silk and lace thong panties. She held up a pair.

“La Perla? Are you kidding me? You bought me La Perla panties.”

“Yes. I owed you some, right? And I didn’t know what you would like, style, colour, so I bought a few pairs. There is a gift receipt if you don’t like them.”

Lucy held up each pair in turn, 7 pairs in total, and then opened the second box which held matching bras. She had not seen such beautiful soft underwear in her life.

“Oh no, I like them. A lot. I’ve never had ones like this, I usually just go to a department store.” She opened the third box and found a sexy scrap of lace that was some sleepwear.

“So, you like to see a woman in sexy underwear. Is that why it is also for you?”

“You got it. So, maybe don’t show them off at work, or people will get suspicious. Some of the ladies might realize the brand and wonder where you got them.  Most students don’t have the money for La Perla, they are more fruit of the loom.”

“I guess. What are they, like $20 or $30 per pair? You must have spent a couple hundred on these. You didn’t need to, I was just kidding about the panties.”

Carter shrugged, not letting on that at minimum underwear from the fancy lingerie store cost $80 per pair, or more, and it was more like $2000 he’d spent including the bras and scrap a silk and lace he would most certainly peel off of her in seconds.

“Enjoy them. I did ruin your other ones, but we will try not to rip these ones off your body, since they are a bit more expensive than fruit of the loom.”

“I should model them for you.” She disappeared into the bathroom, coming out with one set.

Carter gave a low whistle.

“I usually wear a thong, but these are nice. What are they called?”

“Brazilian briefs. The saleslady said they are quite comfortable and popular with the ladies, so I thought you might like them.”  Lucy strolled over and kissed him, stepping just out of his reached and doing a saucy turn.

“You like them?” She asked coyly.

“Definitely.” He reached out to touch her and she pushed his hand away and strutted back to the bathroom. Soon she was back with the next pair on. She did a little catwalk style turn, watching his eyes light up.

“What do you think?”

“Yes, perfect.” Carter grew harder every time she came out and was throbbing painfully by the time she came out in the last and skimpiest set.

“These too?”

“Uh huh. Come here baby.”

“Nope, one more thing to try on for you.” She came out a couple minutes later in the lacy teddy, and turned slowly.

“Yes? No?”

“Yes. Come here baby.” Lucy obliged this time, he was sure she could tell from his voice, he was ready for her, she knew he was very turned on from the little fashion show. She came over and crawled across the bed, peeling back the covers.

“Happy to see me?”

“More than happy. Come here.” He pulled her onto the bed, kissing her passionately


	7. Chapter 7

Carter woke up to knocking at his door. He looked over at Lucy sleeping soundly beside him, her blond hair fanned out over the pillow. Only another week and they were done the rotation. The last 5 weeks had passed in a blur.

He crawled out of bed and slid on some sweats and a t-shirt.

“Just a minute!” He called.

“Carter?” Mark’s voice was muffled by the door.

Damn! Mark? Carter looked around quickly and saw several things that needed to get put away right now.

“Just a second.” He called back. He grabbed Lucy’s books and backpack, and whatever else he could see and threw them into the bedroom. Lucy’s eyes popped open. “Mark Greene is outside my door right now, don’t make a sound.”

He pulled the bedroom door shut and went over to answer, throwing Lucy’s coat and shoes hurriedly into the closet. He opened the door, Mark stood there.

“Took you long enough.”

“Sorry, I had a shift last night, I was still sleeping.” He stepped back so Mark could come in.

“This is a nice place, Carter.”

“Yeah, I like it. I was just going to make some coffee, want some?”

“Sure.”

“So what brings you into the neighborhood?” Carter measured out the coffee and hit the start button. He pulled out two mug then went to open the fridge for cream and surreptitiously pulled a couple of notes off the door that were in Lucy’s handwriting. Mark might recognize it, since he reviewed her charts all the time.

Mark pulled out a chair and sat. “I wanted to talk to you about Lucy.”

Mark watched Carter closely as he said the name. Carter forced himself not to look at his bedroom door, as he placed sugar, cream and two cups of steaming coffee on the table.

“Oh? What about her?” He asked nonchalantly.

There was a little thump from the bedroom. Mark looked at the closed door with a small grin.

“Um, is someone here?”

Carter shrugged. “Yes, my girlfriend is sleeping. So what did you want to talk about?”

“I’d like to meet this lovely lady of yours, seems like you’ve been dating her for a while now. Anyway, your evaluation.” Mark pulled his attention back to Carter. The guy always had some woman in his life, no surprise if there was a woman in his bed. Mark was a little suspicious of just who the woman was though, which is why he was making a house call. “I wanted to drop this off so you can fill out your evaluation of Lucy. I also have a copy of what I plan to hand in on you, I am impressed on how much better you two are getting along. It was a very good idea to have you supervise her again.”

Carter nodded. “Uh, yeah, she is listening and it has gone pretty well.” Carter took the paper and looked through it. “Wow, thanks Mark.”

“You deserve. Hey, can I borrow your bathroom?”

“Sure, umm, help yourself.” He pointed to the door and as soon as Mark disappeared into the bathroom he opened his bedroom door quickly.

“Ouch.” He hit Lucy with the door.

“Are you eavesdropping?”

“No!” Lucy grinned with a guilty smile as Carter gave her a look. “Okay, yes. Hey I need a coffee if I’m stuck in here.”

Carter pulled the door shut and poured a coffee quickly and handed it into the bedroom, shutting the door just as Mark came out.

“Nice underwear, Carter.”  

Mark was now going to see what Carter would say. Chuny had been going on about Carter and Lucy again, so he dropped by to see if he could catch them out. He noted the lacy bras hung over the shower rod, and the birth control pills on the counter. He'd used the toilet then washed his hands then flipped the package. Knight, Lucy A. Mark shook his head. Damn it Carter, sleeping with your med student? There was no other way to view this, Carter was nervous he was there, obviously was cleaning up quickly and made sure the bedroom door was closed.

Lucy’s birth control being on the counter was just the icing on the cake, he had proof and he didn’t like it. Carter was a really good doctor, but he was supervising her, he shouldn’t be having sex with her and he most certainly was. Only a week left before the rotation was done, he was interested to see what Carter would write.

“What?”

“All lacy and frilly, never pictured you in something like that. Sorry, it’s hanging over the shower bar.”

“Oh right, well, my girlfriend likes the lacy stuff, and I like it on her, so I put up with it all over the bathroom.” Carter remembered Lucy had rinsed out her bras last night and hung them to dry. “What are you going to do, apparently you can’t wash them in the machine.”

Mark laughed. “Well, it looks like expensive stuff. What’s her name?”

“Ariel.”

Mark looked at him funny. “Like the mermaid?”

“Uh no, she’s a woman, not a fish.” Carter played dumb, but Mark was making him a bit nervous, he was acting strange.

“No Carter, you know the Disney movie, the Little Mermaid? Rachel watches it all the time, she’s obsessed you know, Prince Eric and Ariel the mermaid fall in love. Her being a mermaid the love is forbidden by her father, he wants her to marry a merman.”

Mark remembered hearing something about Lucy dating a guy named Eric, and knew he has figured out their code names. Clever, giving each other fake names, he laughed inside, Prince Eric indeed, Carter was rich enough to fit the bill. Mark wasn’t sure how much money the guy had but he remembered Jerry looking up his family in Chicago magazine and his dad having hundreds of millions of dollars. The guy was loaded, though you would never know it at work unless you really paid attention to his clothes. Monogrammed shirts and damn expensive suits to wear around the hospital.

“Sorry, I don’t have time to watch Disney movies, with work and stuff. But okay, she has the same name as a fictional mermaid.” Carter shrugged.

“Well, I bet she’s just as pretty, knowing you. Does she have red hair too?”

“Um mm no, my girlfriend is blond.”

“Of course she is, you only date blond women right?”

“Not always, but Ariel is blond.”

“Okay, can we go over Lucy’s review? Last time it was a fiasco, and I want time to get feedback from Lucy before we hand it in.”

They spent the next 20 minutes going over the points, and Mark was impressed, Carter seemed very fair and had good backup for each rating. He could name instances and patients where the ratings applied. Mark looked at him keenly.

“So overall?”

“She did a good job. She is listening far better than the previous rotation, she has learned to manage a patient load and she has done some really good work. She cares about her patients and seems to do her best for each one. I have noted the areas that she needs to work on, but overall, she has come a long way since last year.”

Mark nodded. Yeah, I bet she doesn’t argue, you get out all the sexual tension and frustration in your bedroom. Nice and docile at work, and she is sleeping with a doctor who surely is helping her study and giving her pointers.

“Okay, well this seems like a very fair evaluation, I think Ms. Knight will be pleased with her progress report. You have another week left of this rotation and then she is off to Psych.”

“I believe that is what she said, that she is going back to Psych and hoping to match there for her Residency.”

“Well, it seems it would be a good fit for her. So what she has about 3 months then she graduates.”

“Sure, I guess. July is usually when residency starts right?”

“Right. Anyway, thanks for the coffee, I will let you get back to your guest.” Mark smirked at him. “See you at work.”

Carter breathed a sigh of relief as he shut the door behind Mark. Lucy darted out and into the bathroom quickly.

“I have to pee so badly.” She came out a couple minutes later looking a bit worried.

“What?”

“Mark used the bathroom.”

“Yeah, so?”

“My birth control pills were on the counter, I had to take my pill, I forgot to put them in the drawer. I hope they were sitting face up like that when he went in, my name is on the back. He wouldn’t have been curious about why you have birth control pills on your counter?”

“He didn’t seem like he knew. He heard the noise in the bedroom and I told him my girlfriend was here. Though he did make a real big deal about the name Ariel, and connected it to the Little Mermaid, his daughter Rachel watches it all the time I guess.”

“So he knows about Prince Eric, what if he knows I’m dating an Eric and he figures it out.”

“If he saw your name I’m sure he would have said something to me. He knows I date and so what if my girlfriend uses birth control, I don’t think he would have been surprised that the woman I’m seeing is on the pill. We obviously have sex, I’m almost 30. She stays over, leaves her stuff in my bathroom, it’s pretty normal in an adult relationship, Luce.”

“Mm mm, we do have sex, pretty great sex actually. Maybe you could show me how great?” Lucy pulled him into the bedroom and onto the bed with her, running her fingers into his soft hair. This man never failed to excite her, after 3 months of being together, she wanted him even more if that was possible.

Lucy sighed in contentment after Carter made love to her, she enjoyed having these days off where they could sleep in and make love leisurely. They would often go for lunch, then do something fun in the afternoon and in the evening he would help her study.

“Let’s go for lunch.” Carter rolled onto his side and pushed her hair back. “I’m starving.”

Lucy rolled to face him and brushed her fingers down his cheek.

“Absolutely, let’s eat. We need to keep your strength up if you are going to keep putting on those kind of performances. Let’s shower and go out for the afternoon.”

An hour later they were both dressed and Carter pulled the front door of the apartments closed behind him, almost running into Lucy who had stopped dead still. He turned and froze. Mark was standing at the bottom of the stairs with his arms crossed.

“Busted.” Lucy muttered. “He looked at the name on the pills.”

“Admit nothing.” He muttered back. “Uh, hey Mark.” Carter said nothing else.

“Dr. Carter and Ms. Knight. I think we have a few things to discuss. Can we go in?”

“Uh, we were going to eat. Did you want to come with us?” Carter invited Mark to join them easily. He didn’t want Mark to see any further evidence that Lucy had been spending a lot of time at his apartment.

 Mark nodded. “Okay, lets go.”

They walked down to a nearby café, sat and ordered coffee and perused the menu. Lucy ordered her usual chicken burger with a salad, Carter his burger and fries, and Mark ordered a club sandwich.

“So, how long has it been going on?”

“What’s that?” Carter asked, nonchalantly taking a sip of coffee.

Mark gave him a look. “Don’t even pretend Carter. Lucy’s birth control is sitting on your bathroom counter, so don’t make this worse by lying to me. The only reason for her to have personal items, especially birth control, at your home is that she is sleeping there. With you.”

Carter sighed. “A while.”

“A while as in days, weeks or months?” Mark looked at Carter, then Lucy, they were both silent. “Damn, months?” He could see it on their faces, this had been going on quite a while. “So, we could date this back to about the time Ms. Knight stopped arguing with you all the time?”

“Yes. That would be about right.”

Mark gave a humorless laugh thinking ‘fucking your student into submission.’

“You know you could be suspended or fired for this. Putting pressure on your med student for sexual favours? Or did having sex with her keep her in line? Ms. Knight, did Dr. Carter offer to give you a good review if you had sex with him?”

Lucy sighed. “It was not at all like that, Dr. Greene. Dr. Carter never used any sort of pressure to get me to sleep with him. It was totally consensual, I have been attracted to him for a long time.”

“Did you two have sex in that exam room last year?”

Both of them shook their heads.

“No, we didn’t get involved until this year, in January.” Carter admitted.

“January. And it’s the end of March and you have been supervising Ms. Knight this whole time. Her last review was terrible, and this one is almost glowing. You know how that looks right?”

“It’s not like that Mark. She deserves a good rating, everything I said today in the review is correct, and you know it.”

Mark sighed. “Yeah, okay, I will give you that. You had backup for everything you said. However, you cannot possibly hand in a review of Ms. Knight with your name as supervisor. You have been very discreet but there is a certain nurse who is on to you both.”

“Chuny.” They say at the same time.

Mark laughed. “Yes, Chuny. She put together the Prince Eric and Mermaid Ariel thing not long ago. Clever, using aliases, but this can’t continue. I think your relationship with Ariel is over, Prince Eric.”

The food was delivered and they all started to eat.

“So what are you going to do to me?” Carter took a bite of his burger as Lucy stole fries off his plate.

“What are you going to do to us, this is just as much my fault as yours.” Lucy threw her hat into the ring.

Carter shook his head. “No Luce, this is on me. I knew we shouldn’t be involved, we got caught. No reason for you to get involved, you know you can’t, not after what your mom has done to put you through med school.”

Mark was watching this with interest. Maybe it wasn’t just sex, they were sticking up for each other.

“John, you can’t give up your career either, not after working so hard for so long.” Lucy looked at Mark “I wanted the relationship, he was reluctant to get involved with me, he knew he could get in big trouble.”

John? Hmm, they were very familiar with each other.

“Well, he shouldn’t have done it then. Interesting though, you each are willing to fall on the sword for each other?”

Carter nodded. “My responsibility, I knew I shouldn’t be involved with a med student, especially one I am supervising. It was wrong, and I’ll take whatever punishment with no argument if Lucy goes without any repercussions, and we can keep this private. I don’t want people to think she slept her way to a good review.”

“You are willing to take the fall, for something you are both responsible for.”

“Yeah, I guess I am Mark.” Carter looked him in the eye. “So should I clean out my locker?”

He felt sick, but he knew it was only right to take the fall. Lucy’s mom had worked hard and given up a lot to put Lucy through school. His family could afford to send him to school as many times as he wanted with no problem. He had his trust fund to fall back on, though he would hate doing anything besides being a doctor.

Lucy looked like she was going to cry. “No, John, you can’t do this. You have less than a year and you’re done. I won’t let you, how are you going to survive without your job?”

“It’s not your decision, Luce. I broke the rules and I have to take responsibility. My fate rests in Mark’s hands now.” He looked back at Mark. “So?”

Lucy’s hand slid over and grasped Carter’s tightly. She was sick to her stomach, John really could lose his career over this. She had pushed him to be involved with her, she hadn’t really thought they would get caught. Now he was facing losing it all, over her. And he was defending her, she loved this man so much, and she was destroying his life.

Mark sighed. The last thing he wanted was to lose John Carter out of the ER, after all the years they had worked together. He was willing to take the fall, which was pretty damn great of him, though Mark knew he could survive without County. Carter would always land on his feet, he was a Carter after all. He was not at all sure that Lucy was aware of who she was seeing, not really.

He knew Carter’s love was medicine, and he obviously cared about Lucy more than his work. That was saying a whole lot, Mark wasn’t so sure this was a meaningless fling, or anything like he imagined. Carter cared about this girl.

“Here’s how this is going to go. You will stop seeing each other immediately. Until such time as Ms. Knight is a Resident it would be inappropriate for this relationship to continue. Dr. Carter, you and I will sit down and decide on a suitable punishment. Ms. Knight, you will be under my supervision for the last week of your rotation and I will write your evaluation, not Dr. Carter, so we can avoid any hint of favouritism. I will take Dr. Carter’s comments under advisement when I do your review, I have to admit he has been fair, but I cannot possibly let him hand it in.” He stares directly at Carter. “You will not clean out your locker, you have too much potential to give it all up, but there will be repercussions, I am not sure I can support you for Chief Resident.”

Carter nodded. “I understand.”

“Ms. Knight, consider yourself lucky. You can go with Dr. Carter to gather your things, which are all over his apartment. You are done in a week and off to your next assignment, there are no further repercussions for you. Dr. Carter is going to take the hit on this one, and I suggest you think about that next time you decide to have an inappropriate relationship at the hospital.” Mark finished his sandwich. “I will see you tomorrow, Carter, by then I will have a suitable punishment for you.” He dropped some money on the table to cover his bill, stood, gave Carter a little salute and left.

Lucy stared at Carter. “I am so sorry. This is all my fault, if I hadn’t done the backpack thing.”

“We still had sex before I came into your apartment, and it probably would have happened again at some point. I knew better, I should have walked away, but I didn’t. I’ll take what’s coming, don’t worry about it.”

“But I don’t want this to be over.”

“We don’t have a choice. At least until you graduate, and you go to Psych.”

They finish their lunch and go back to the apartment and Lucy started to gather her things. Carter took her into his arms and kissed her deeply, one thing leading to another, until he covered her body with his on the bed.

Lucy kissed him passionately and wrapped her legs around him as he thrust into her deeply, entwining her fingers with his as they made love.

They lay in each other’s arms for a long time afterwards. Carter finally sighed. “We should not have done that either, but that will be it for a while, and I am going to miss this. I am going to miss you, I love you baby.”

“I love you too, John. There are still several weeks before I graduate and I don’t know if I can go that long without a little love from my man.” Lucy kissed him and pulled him to her. “One more time, John, I need you again one more time.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon making love off and on, until Lucy finally gathered her things and headed home. She pulled out the two sweatshirts she had taken from Carter and slid one over her head, inhaling his warm and spicy scent. She sat and studied and mulled over what had happened. Carter was taking a career hit for her, but she wasn’t sure she could keep from seeing him.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning after a sleepless night, Lucy showed up for her work in the ER and found Carter was not there. She soon found out that he had been moved to an opposite shift under the guise that they needed coverage. A convenient excuse to let Mark take over her supervision for the last week of her rotation.

Mark was totally professional, but did pull her aside for a talk.

“I hope you cleared your things from Dr. Carter’s apartment?”

Lucy nodded sadly. “And he broke it off with me, said we can’t see each other anymore.”

“You shouldn’t have been seeing each other to start with, you know that it was wrong to get involved with a resident. Particularly one that was directly supervising you. I wanted to talk to you alone, and make sure that he did not pressure you into having sex with him.”

“No. Dr. Greene, it was my fault, I started it, I kissed him. I have wanted to be with him for a long time, I was attracted to him almost as soon as I met him. He drives me crazy, but I love him, I’m completely in love with him.” Lucy felt a tear run down her cheek as she admitted to Mark how deep the feeling went. “If he loses his career because of me, I will never forgive myself. This wasn’t some cheap little fling Dr. Greene, he is the man I want to be with, but I can’t watch him lose everything he worked for, if I have to I’ll quit. I will do anything to make sure he doesn’t lose his job.”

Mark was taken aback slightly at her admission. In love with Carter. “He’s not going to lose his career. There are repercussions to his actions, but if you are wise you will say nothing to anyone, about any of this. If you do, and someone makes a complaint, it’s out of my hands. He has a lot of potential, as do you Ms. Knight. Keep it strictly professional for the next 3 months, until you are a resident, and working in another department. Then if you feel the same way, you can pursue the relationship. I would hate to see you give it all up, and I am sure Dr. Carter would be devastated if you didn’t graduate in the next few months because of his lack of judgement.”

“Thank you Dr. Greene, I will try not to disappoint you again.”

Mark sighed. “Lucy. That you love him doesn’t disappoint me, in fact I understand the feeling. If I thought this was just about the sex, or that he had in any way coerced you or influenced you to have sex with him I would hang him out to dry. But, I can see that it is nothing like that, it was obviously a consensual relationship and you both care about each other deeply. I am taking a risk by essentially covering this up for you, but, true love? I better be invited to the wedding.”

“He hasn’t asked me to marry him, but if he ever does, you are for sure invited. But, we do love each other, and we will be careful no one else finds out.”

Mark ran her through her paces and gave her a fair review, she was proud of herself. She hadn’t seen Carter all week, knowing it was easier to not be around him, but he had left her a message.

“Hey, Luce, I’m sure you know I’m on nights for a while, my punishment isn’t too bad and it’s not going on our files, so I guess we can count ourselves lucky. I miss you, but we need to keep it cool for a while.”

Carter came in for his night shift, Mark was just finishing up. “Dr. Carter. I have a few things to go over with you, since you will be running the board tonight. I think I need a coffee on the roof.”

Carter nodded and followed Mark upstairs after getting coffee.

“Mark…”

“Really dumb, Carter, sex with your med student? You two were doing a great job of hiding it, except for Chuny, the woman is like a blood hound. I was hoping she was wrong, but I have to trust you not to say or admit anything to anyone. Fact is, I was impressed you were willing to take the hit for Ms. Knight, and she will not have any repercussions.”

“Thank you Mark, her mom worked hard to help her get this far, and it would be hard for her if she got kicked out because of me. She’s a single parent, we both know I can survive, but Lucy, this is everything, if she loses her job, she is in trouble.”

“She swears you didn’t use undue influence and it seems like you both care a lot about each other. Keep away from her until she graduates, or be very discreet, like leave town kind of discreet because if anyone else catches you with her you are done. And please don’t get her pregnant.

Carter looked at Mark carefully. Was he…saying he was going to look the other way as long as no one else found out? “Well, you know she is using birth control.”

“And condoms I hope, Carter, I’m serious, no room for error, she gets pregnant you will be out on your ass. So you are on nights until she goes to Psych, and I would keep away from her, Chuny is watching you. Let her see you with some other women or something, get her off the track. I don’t want to see you lose everything you worked for, you have a lot of potential and County needs you. This happens once in a while, good thing you never had sex with your supervisor.”

“Uh, Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“Benton was my supervisor, I was hardly going to sleep with him, though he is a good looking guy, he really is not my type.”

Mark laughed out loud at that. “Right, I can just imagine you giving Benton a nice big kiss, you would have gone through a wall. Point taken he is not even close to your type, though I have to admit, there were rumours about you and a blond surgeon.” Mark held up his hand. “I do not want to know.”

“Nothing to tell anyway. Thanks Mark, I have broken it off with Ariel.”

“So I heard, she is unhappy about losing her prince, but it is for the best. And to be fair, I never turned Doug in.”

Carter looked at him quickly. “Doug? About what?”

“Harper.”

“Ah, right, Harper. That’s right, you knew about him and Harper.”

“Yes, I did, I caught her at his place.”

Carter held up his hand. “No details, okay? Moments in life that you don’t want to relive, that’s one of them for me. But I appreciate what you are doing for Ariel and I. I really do care about her, I didn’t plan it, it just happened, against my better judgement. And then I couldn’t stop seeing her, but I will be extra careful, as far as you know, I’m not seeing her, at all.”

Mark nodded. “Discretion Carter, don’t be seen together at the hospital unless she comes down for a consult. Don’t supervise her in any capacity, and please don’t knock her up.”

Carter shook his head. “Yes dad, I am very careful and always use condoms. I have already thought about the issues that would come up if she got pregnant, so, don’t worry about it. She knows too.”

“Yeah, I needed to know that, but good, practicing safe sex, just like we teach in the ER. But it seems like the two of you are being responsible about that at least. I would hate to see you have to face those kind of decisions. But enough said, you are a big boy, and a doctor, so…”

“Mark, I would never do anything to hurt her, this isn’t just…a meaningless fling. I love her Mark, I do, and it is bad timing and awkward and difficult, but when you love someone…it is not something you find every day.”

“No, it isn’t. So, discretion, keep away from her. 3 months and she graduates. Though, I have to say, if you are an Attending and she is a Resident then you are going to hit the same wall again. Not an encouraged relationship.”

“But not forbidden either. I won’t supervise her, she isn’t coming back to the ER, she wants to go to Psych. I doubt 3 months is going to change how I feel, I’ll wait for her.”

“Hm, well, she said the same about you. Now get to work before they send a search party.”

Working opposite shifts was tough, they really had no time to see each other. She was coming on work as he was leaving, so they could not be together in any case. She was on opposite shifts to Chuny as well, but she knew John was working with her in the ER.

Carter threw himself into work, Lucy was now up in Psych, having completed her last week in the ER. Chuny had noticed that Mark was supervising Lucy and Carter was on opposite shifts for the last week, and that Mark seemed to be scheduling him to keep them apart.

“Hey Carter, missing your girlfriend now Mark separated the two of you?” Chuny said in a low voice when they were alone in the lounge.

“Chuny, could you stop? You know if you keep this up, you are going to get me fired. I am not kidding, you need to back the hell off.” Carter was upset at this point, he’d had enough.

Chuny looked at him in surprise. “I’m just kidding around Carter, I know you like her, it’s obvious.”

“Is it? Is that why you went to Mark Greene. Why do you think I am in night shift Siberia? Thanks for your concern, please butt out of my business.”

Chuny stopped stock still. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. Mark took your little accusations seriously, so I am in deep shit. If you keep this up, I am literally going to lose my job, so please, Chuny, stop with your little jokes and inferences and hints. If you tell anyone what I just told you, I will not be happy. And I will be even less happy when they give me my pink slip after the years of medical school and working here to almost be done. What I do in my private time is no one’s business but mine. Not to mention you that it flows downhill and Lucy’s residency is on the line now too. Stop, now.”

She tilted her head. “Carter. I had no idea.”

“Yeah? Next time think before you start spreading rumours when you just don’t know the truth. You are damaging mycareer and Lucy’s, think about that before you open your mouth again. I like you Chuny, I always have, but this is too much.”

“I’m sorry. I really am Carter. I just think you two would be so great together, you have these little fireworks and the attraction is really obvious to me. You should give it a shot Carter.”

Carter sighed. “What part of I was supervising her don’t you get. You know how that looks? People would think she was sleeping her way to a good review. It would damage her reputation, and I don’t want that. Do you understand what I am saying here? She is really good, she is going to be a great doctor, but not if she loses her residency. Her mom raised her by herself, and went through a lot to help her get through school. She is three months away from graduating and earning the title of doctor. If you screw that up I will hunt you down, I swear.”

Chuny nodded. “Ah, right. You are a goner, Carter, she has you wrapped right around her little finger. But I hear you. I won’t say another word outside of this room. I know you have been seeing her, Eric, but I get it. You care about her and you are taking the fall aren’t you. I will keep it to myself, I promise. I know you love her.”

Carter just turned away and poured his coffee. He felt her touch his arm and he looked over at her.

“Carter, I promise, I really won’t say anything to anyone. I am sorry about getting Mark on your case, if I screwed up things between you and Lucy, I do feel badly about it. I have wanted you to get together with her for like, forever, and then you do and I mess it up. You almost got away with it, Ariel and Eric that is really cute and clever. The roses, the chocolates that incredible necklace she is always wearing, that is all you right?”

“Fine Chuny, you’ve got it all figured out. So now just let it go. In a few years none of it will matter but right now it does. Don’t keep on about it.”

She rubbed his arm and left. Over the next week he noted that she did completely stop with the insinuations and Mark took him aside.

“Chuny has been awfully quiet, how did you get her to shut up?”

“You know, she has been bugging me for over a year about how I should get together with Lucy. How she thought we would be so cute together, yada yada yada, non stop, Mark. We had a little talk, and she gets how damaging that could be to careers if people thought we were together. So she shut up about it.”

“Well done. It was a concern that she was going on about it still. Anyways, you are back onto regular rotation now, I don’t really want to punish you for loving someone, that is not really fair. But keep it discrete and we are good. Okay?”

“Thanks Mark.”

Lucy sighed, she was missing John terribly, it had been two weeks and they had only been able to leave each other phone messages. She didn’t want to wait around for him after work, when he was coming on shift.

She did go down to the ER for a consult though and as she was walking by Exam 6 a warm hand grabbed her and pulled her inside.

“We have to be really quick, I don’t want anyone to see us.” Carter locked both doors and pulled her in for a long warm kiss. “I missed you so much.”

“Me too John. I wish…I really need you to love me.”

“When are you off?”

“10 minutes.”

“I have a break coming up, meet me downstairs in about 20 minutes?”

“Okay.”

Carter left and she waited a few minutes then left out the other door. No one seemed to notice as it was very busy. 20 minutes later she met him downstairs and he pulled her along a deserted hallway. He counted doors, then opened one, taking her inside and then locking the door behind them.

He took her behind what seemed like just a pile of junk and she found there was space, it was almost neat.

“What’s this? Do you bring girls down here often?”

“No, I didn’t set this up, I just know about it. It is a secret, only a couple people know about this, so keep it to yourself. No chance of anyone walking in on us.”

Lucy wrapped her arms up around his neck and kissed him deeply. “I missed you, baby, I want to feel you inside me. Make love to me.”

Carter pulled out a small package from his pocket and put it within reach, then started to undo her scrubs. Lucy dropped her lab coat onto the bed and lay back as he undid his own pants and joined her. They were both more than ready in a very short time and he rolled the condom down over himself, entering her with a firm thrust.

“Oh John, baby, I love you.” Lucy whispered this in his ear as she clutched his top. Their bodies were rocking together, neither of them able to wait to consummate. Lucy let her hips rise up to meet him and soon she was gasping in pleasure.

He gently covered her mouth as she came, he knew she tended to get a bit loud, then he let himself climax with a low groan.

“Mm a quickie. I liked it.”

“Well it has been like two weeks since we’ve had sex, I couldn’t hold back.” He brushed the hair from her face, then withdrew from her body, removing the condom.

“You came prepared.”

“We have them in the ER, we give them out, right? It was easy to get a few.”

“A few? How long are we going to be down here?” She giggled.

“Not long, I have to go back to work soon, but we can hide them down here for next time. When do you work again?

“I’m work Tuesday night, and then I’m off until Saturday night and then I have a double.”

“Fantastic, I’m done 8pm Tuesday on not on until Saturday night. Can you get away?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, we’re going out of town somewhere we won’t run into anyone we know. I’ll phone you later.”

Lucy had been stroking him as they talked, and he was getting hard again.

“Before you go, we need to take care of that.” She slid on top of him, pushing herself down onto him.

“Luce, that feels so good, but we need to use a condom.”

“No, baby, please, I need this.”

“Lucy, we’ve talked about this, if you get pregnant, we are in deep shit. Let me put on a condom.”

Lucy sighed and complied with his request. She took the sheath and rolled it down over him before they made love again. This time they were just done and Carter’s pager started to go off.

“Damn, baby, I have to go.” He glanced at his pager and it was the ER. “Sorry, this feels like bad form, but…”

“No you are at work. Get your clothes on and go.”

Carter was already pulling his stuff on. He gave her a hurried kiss and dashed, stopping to dispose of the waste quickly, then washing even quicker before hitting the stairs, whipping into the ER just as the ambulances were pulling up. Mark glanced at him.

“Carter, good, I was going to page you again.”

“Sorry, I’m here, I was just on a little break, but I headed back as soon as I saw the page.”

The rest of the shift went quickly. Carter was feeling less stressed now he’d had his little interlude with Lucy. After work he checked his watch, knowing she would be home, but probably not asleep. He let his feet take him off the L at her stop and he knocked on her door 5 minutes later. He still had a key, but she was not expecting him, and he didn’t want to just walk in.

“John.” She smiled. “What are you doing here?”

He stepped in and pulled her into his arms.

“I can’t stay all night but I still miss you.”

Lucy led him into her bedroom and started stripping of her clothes, Carter doing the same. They spent the next hour loving each other thoroughly.


	9. Chapter 9

He called her at home the next morning, just before she left for work.

“Okay, so pack something nice to wear out for dinners, some casual clothes, your swimsuit and a light and a warm jacket. We’ll go Tuesday after work and come back Saturday afternoon.”

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise. But you don’t mind flying right?”

“Not at all.” Lucy floated through the next few days and met Carter a few streets away from her apartment after her shift on Tuesday. He picked her up in his jeep and they proceeded to the airport. He pulled her into the first class line and they waited in the lounge sipping wine until their flight was called.

“Boston!” Lucy was really excited when she realized where they were going.

“Have you ever been?”

“No, never. You are spoiling me.”

“Don’t worry about it. We needed to get away, it’s been two weeks since we actually spent any time together, Luce.”

“Believe me John, I know. I have been missing you so bad.  Getting an hour here or there is not enough.”

They were met by a sedan at the airport and soon pulled up in front of a quaint home. Carter pulled out the keys and let them in to the elegant and spacious foyer.

“A whole house?”

“Yes, I know the owner, and they aren’t here, so we can use the house for a few days.” Carter didn't tell her that the owners were actually his grandparents, and that they had several vacation homes around the world that he was free to use.

Lucy explored, looking like a kid in a candy store while Carter put their bags in the Master Bedroom. Lucy came in and gave Carter a big hug and kiss.

“This is so awesome. A whole house?”

“Yup. I’m going to have a swim in that Jacuzzi tub, care to join me?”

“In a few minutes. First things first.” She wrapped her arms around him, giving him a big kiss, then started undressing him.

“I need you so bad, I can’t wait.” Carter helped her with removing clothing and flipped back the covers, they ended up locked in each others arms, and bodies tangled together.

Lucy sighed as they cuddled together after making love. “I have missed this so much, John, I cannot wait until I graduate.”

“Only a few weeks. I think it is time you made it public that you broke up with Eric, that way maybe no one else will connect us. When we go public I really don’t want anyone to know how long we’ve been together.”

“I know. Except for Mark, and Chuny they both know. What if they say something.”

“They won’t, I can guarantee it.”

“Right, if Mark knew we were here together he would flip.”

“No, he wouldn’t. He and I had a talk, Luce. He knows that it isn’t just meaningless sex to us, so he told me that as far as he is concerned he knows nothing. He told me to be discreet and be very careful about where we were together, like leave town discreet. He knows we are still going to be seeing each other. At this point, if someone found about us, and that he knew? His ass is in a sling too. So, he’ll be keeping our secret for sure. Plus he’s a good guy, he won’t go back on his word.”

“You talked about us to him? What about Chuny.”

“Yes I did, we are friends you know, I've worked with him for 6 years. I am sure he talked to you too, Luce, right? What did you say?”

“That you didn’t coerce me in any way, that I started it…and that I love you. So he said he was going to go easy on use because he understood. He didn’t come down that hard on you did he?”

“No, he didn’t. We are really lucky it wasn’t Weaver, she would have fired me. Anyway, Chuny has it all figured out too but she said she was sorry for making such a deal about it. She has wanted us to be together for quite a long time, and realized that she was messing it up for us. I outright told her that if she kept it up she was going to get one or both of us fired. So she shut up, she is on our side, which is kind of ironic since she is the one who got us in trouble with Mark.”

“You’re kidding. You told her to stop and she finally did. That is amazing.”

“I’ve known her a long time, so…I figured we had nothing to lose by getting her to stop making a deal out of it. The conversation was held very privately and she swore she would never tell. I know she can be a bit of a gossip but she is kind of getting what she wants. Us together, and all she has to do is shut up about it, so she is on board with that.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon cuddling and making love, finally going out for some dinner. Lucy was in heaven, she had never been to Boston so Carter showed her around and they had a great time together. All too soon it was time to go back home and back to work.

Over the next few weeks, they talked daily on the phone, staying far away from each other at work, but getting together every few days at Carter’s apartment.

Lucy didn’t stay overnight anymore and they were extra careful not to show each other any affection at the hospital.  Lucy came down infrequently for consults but otherwise they pretty much ignored each other at work.  Carter hadn't had the chance to introduce her to his grandparents yet either, but he thought that was okay too, maybe better not to take her out to the house until they could officially be together.

Lucy spent lots of time on the phone with her mom, especially coming up to graduation  Her mom had planned to come out and Lucy was really excited to see her.  She lived several states away and couldn't take a lot of time off work.

“Lucy, I would really like to meet this young man you are seeing. All I know is that you met him at work.”

"I'm not ready mom, okay?  It hasn't been that long and..."  Lucy didn't want to get into the details on the phone with her mom.  Her mom might be upset or disappointed she was breaking the rules and dating someone she should not be with.  Maybe someday she would confess, but not now.

"Okay, honey, I won't push.  When you are ready.  You know though, you always talk about Dr. Carter when you call, do you think he would want to come out to dinner with us while I am there?  I would love to meet the man who has had such an influence on my daughter at work."

"Um, I don't know mom, I guess I could ask him.  I'm not really his student anymore, you know, I am up in psych and he is downstairs in the ER."

"Still, you talk to him right?"

"Of course, I see him around."  Lucy felt bad, lying to her mom like this, but she just could not let on that she had been actually seeing John for months, that they were lovers.  "I'll ask, in fact maybe I should see if he wants to come to the graduation ceremony.  He did teach me a lot, and we spent a lot of time together in the ER."

"Please do ask.  You have the dates I am there, so any evening is fine with me, I know he works shifts."

Lucy knew John had graduation day off, and he was planning to come and watch the ceremony.  She was nervous to ask about him coming out for dinner, but she thought maybe it would work.  She was seeing him tonight, so, she would ask.

"John?"  Lucy was laying in his arms, knowing she had to go home soon.  She felt hesitant about asking him to go out for dinner with her mom.

"Yes baby?"

"My mom...she's in town for my graduation.  Would it be...will you come meet her?  I...well she knows you were my supervisor in the ER, and I...this is embarrassing but I would talk about you when I phoned her.  She wants to meet you and have you come out to dinner with us."

"You talked about me to your mom?  I'm surprised she wants to meet me. Is she going to poison my food for being so mean to her only daughter?"  Carter joked with her.

"So funny John, ha ha.  No, she knows we got on each others nerves but...I was much nicer talking about you than I was in person to you.  I liked you, I told her you taught me a lot and you really did.  So she really wants you to come out to dinner."

"So, how are we going to play this, like I am just your previous supervisor or does she know about us?"

"No way, I haven't told her.  Sleeping with a resident that was my supervisor, knowing it's against the rules?  I don't know how she would react.  We have to play it cool, John."

"Do you think we can?  I would like to meet your mom, as long as you think we can keep her from guessing that we are involved."

"Okay, so, dinner, after my graduation?  You are still off that night, right?"

"Yes.  Should we make reservations somewhere?  Where do you want to go?"

"Somewhere nice but not super expensive?"  Lucy turned and gave him a big kiss.  "Thank you baby.  My mom will be so excited to meet you finally."

They worked out where to go and Lucy waited until the next day then casually let her mom know that John would join them for dinner.

Graduation day arrived, and Lucy was excited.  First of all, she was going to be a doctor, she had made it.  Then of course her mom was now in town and staying at her apartment with her.  Finally, and best of all, she could finally date John without it being such a big deal.  Now they were both Residents, and he was never going to be supervising her or evaluating her.

"Mom, we have to go!"  Lucy was a bit on edge, she was nervous about tripping on stage, and it was a big day with her mom meeting John.

"I know honey, relax, we will be there in plenty of time."  Her mom was so calm and wonderful.

As soon as they arrived Lucy looked for Carter.  She was hoping he would sit with her mom, keep her company during the ceremony. 

Carter had dressed well, as usual, knowing he was going out for dinner later.  He saw Lucy arrive with her mom, but was very nonchalant, there were other people from County around and he didn't want to look too eager.  He waited until they approached him.

"Dr. Carter, I would like you to meet my mom, Barbara Knight."

"Mrs. Knight, nice to meet you.  Lucy talked a lot about you when we worked together."

"Barbara, please.  It is nice to finally meet you, Dr. Carter."  She held out her hand, taking in the well dressed, handsome young man standing in front of her.  Well, she thought, no wonder my daughter raved about him, her hormones were obviously in overdrive.  She noted the firm handshake, the deep brown eyes, and the way his smile lit up his face.

"Please call me John." 

Carter was very calm and collected, Lucy noticed, he didn't seem at all nervous meeting her mother.  He invited Barbara to sit with him during the ceremony, knowing that she was here alone, Lucy's grandparents had been unable to make the trip.

He chatted easily with Barbara, making small talk, and she was definitely impressed with the young doctor.  She could see that it was more than just good looks, he seemed to be a truly good person too.  She was looking forward to getting to know him better over dinner.

The graduation proceeded smoothly, Carter could see the tears of joy in Barbara's eyes as her daughter crossed the stage.  Lucy was glowing with happiness, she could see that, she knew her daughter was doing well despite the struggles they'd had in their lives.  

Dinner was equally great.  Part way through dinner Carter excused himself and Barbara smiled at her daughter.

"Well, I certainly can see why you raved about the young Dr. Carter.  He is very nice...and very good looking too."

"Mom!  Stop it!"

"Admit it honey, you like him...a lot.  I can see it all over your face when you look at him.  Does he know that you are in love with him?"

Lucy sighed but was spared from answering as John came back and rejoined them.  He was not oblivious to the fact that her mom was picking up on their chemistry, and he tried to stay very neutral for the rest of the meal.  When the bill came, he smoothly took it and tucked his card in with only a brief glance. 

"John, I was going to get that, I invited you out."

"Barbara, I would like to treat you, I know how hard you worked to put Lucy through school, and she worked hard too.  Please."

"Well, thank you, John."  Barbara was doubly impressed by this young man, he was definitely one to have a good influence on her daughter.  She was glad he had been part of her life here in Chicago, and that Lucy was staying for a while.

They parted ways and Lucy headed back to her apartment with her mom.  Barbara would be back on a plane tomorrow and Lucy would be back to work.

"Thanks for coming out mom, it has been great to see you."  Lucy hugged her mom tight before she left for the airport.

"You too sweetie.  You look happy here, and I am so proud of you.  Keep it up."  Barbara touched her daughters face.  She wisely had said no more about the relationship her daughter had with John Carter.  She had a feeling there was more going on than Lucy was saying, but she didn't want to pry or interfere.  Things would work out for the best, they usually did.

That night after work Lucy went to Carter's apartment and waited for him to get home.

"Lucy."  He crawled into bed, tired from his shift, but happy to come home to her in his bed.  They had been dating for almost 5 months now, and he had missed her during the time where they'd had to be extra discreet.

"John.  Your finally home, I am so glad you're here."  Lucy snuggled close to him, knowing that they still needed to be careful, but now if someone caught them, it was not as critical.  They could just say they had only started seeing each other.  They were still going to wait to make it public though, a few weeks to let things settle down.

"Your mom get on the plane okay?"

"Uh huh, she called and said she was home.  She really liked you.  You were so calm and didn't seem at all nervous about meeting her."

"I liked her too, I could see how proud she was of you at the graduation.  You know I don't have a problem meeting new people, and it was good, it will make things easier when we open up about our relationship."

"I love you baby.  My mom noticed that I love you too.  She asked me if you knew I was in love with you."

"She did?  Well, I kind of picked up on the fact that she was noticing the chemistry, so I am not surprised.  Give it about a month, then you can tell her we started dating."

"Okay, deal."

Carter leaned over and kissed her, his hands skimming her body. He pulled off her skimpy nightgown and kissed her breasts, running his thumbs across her taught nipples.  He ran his lips down her arm, lingering on the sensitive spot on her wrist that always drove her a little crazy.

"Mm baby, that feels good.  I have missed us being together."

"Me too Luce."

Lucy met his lips had he moved back up, wrapping her hands up around his neck, one hand wandering up into his hair.  She smiled up at him as he pulled back slightly, gently sliding her panties off and dropping them onto the floor, settling between her slightly parted thighs.  He looked down into her eyes as he buried himself deep and paused for a moment, then pulled almost all the way out. Lucy moaned as he moved into her again.

“Oh, yes, baby, that’s good.” Lucy whispered, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him as he started to thrust in harder and faster. She finally threw her head back and closed her eyes as the orgasm hit. She felt John pause while she gasped for air.

“Open your eyes, baby.”  His command was gentle.

Lucy looked up at him again. He pulled her legs up so she wrapped them around his waist. He proceeded to thrust into her again keeping eye contact with her until he felt her muscles clamp around him a second time and her eyes slammed shut, then he let himself come.

“Oh John, yes, baby.” Lucy called his name as he thrust into her a few more times, letting out a slight moan as the aftermath swirled around them.

"So damn good.  I missed you so much."

"Me too, John.  Now I can stay overnight again, and I have a bit of time off too."

"Mm, yes, I would love to come home to you being here every day."  Carter kissed her deeply before snuggling her into his arms.  They both drifted off into a contented sleep, exhausted from the long day.

They had now been dating for 6 months, but Lucy still hadn’t met his family, and he seemed to rarely talk to them. He had said he would take her to the next dinner party, but he had been working nights when the last ones were held and had begged off.

Lucy made them some dinner, hoping that John would get off work on time for a change.  He had started his 4th year as an ER resident, and he was working hard to impress so he could get the Chief Position.  Now that they were official, she had started telling her friends she was dating another doctor and they wanted to meet him. 

Casey however, knew who he was and Lucy giggled remembering the conversation.

"OMG, Lucy, you are dating Dr. Carter?  That really insanely cute guy who used to be the RA?  The one that the girls were always trying to get interested in a little...extra curricular activity?"

"Yup, and I did get him interested...in a little extra curricular activity."

"How long?"

"We started seeing each other not long after I graduated.  I always liked him but he refused to date students, he was my supervisor at one point too, so he really didn't want to get involved."

"He had a girlfriend though."

"They broke up a long time, it's been over a year and he's just dated since then.  He was available, so...I am seeing him a lot."

Lucy heard the key in the door and looked up as John came in, looking tired as he usually did these days.

"Hey, baby, you're home.  I have some dinner almost ready."

"Great.  I'm starving, it was insane today and I barely had time for a break at all."  He stopped and gave her a quick kiss.  "I need to shower, I was dodging vomit for half my shift I swear.  I don't know what was going on with the kids today, but it was nasty."

Lucy wrinkled her nose.  He definitely did not smell as tantalizing as he usually did, definitely a bad day in the ER.

"I can tell, go shower and I will finish up and we can eat right away."

Carter hit the shower, glad the day was over and thankful to come home to a good meal, and that Lucy was there.  He loved coming home now, she had made a huge difference in his life.  When he came out dressed in fresh clothes she had the food already plated up for them.

"You are an angel, thank you."

"You're welcome.  John?"  Lucy fiddled with napkin.  He looked at her inquiringly.  "Can I tell my mom about us now?"

"Of course.  It's been almost 6 weeks since you graduated.  Tell her whenever you like, just don't let on how long we have been together."

Lucy called her mom that night.

"How are things going?  Anything new?"  Lucy had told her mom she was not seeing 'Eric' anymore but had downplayed things since.  "Are you seeing anyone."

“Um, yes, I am and he’s a doctor, mom.” Lucy sighed. “I like him a lot, and it’s going well but he hasn’t taken me to meet his family yet.”

"Well, you sound happy.  When do I get to meet this young man."

"I, well, you've already met him mom."

"Lucy!  Are you dating Dr. Carter now?"

"Yeah, we got together not too long after graduation."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was nervous about what you would say.  Turns out he liked me too, and we have kept it a bit quiet until we could see if it was something that would work out.  So, I have been seeing him about a month now."

"Well, I really liked him, Lucy.  I could tell you really liked him, and I was kind of hoping you would get together.  I am not blind honey and neither is he apparently.  You just glowed whenever he was around you.  I hope you will bring him out for a visit."

"When we get time off work together, we will, but I am working really long shifts, the internship year is tough, mom, I have 36 hour shifts some days."

"Not easy to have a relationship with those kind of hours."

"No, but John understands, he did a year as a surgical intern, where he was working about 100 hours a week.  He gets it, and he is working hard too.  He wants to be Chief Resident next year, so it works out.  I guess dating another doctor has it's advantages, they just get what it takes to succeed."

“Hm, so he's supportive of your career which is huge.  My little girl, in love, I can't wait until you bring him out for a visit. 

"Mom, stop it.  If you get all gooey on him you'll scare him off.  We haven’t been dating that long.”

“I will not get all gooey. If you love him, then I really need to get to know him better.”

“How about Christmas? We can get together then, okay?”

“I have to wait that long? It’s only the end of June!”

“I know, but he works long hours and so do I, so I’ll see if I can get him to come out with me at Christmas, or if I can’t get the time off maybe you could come and stay with me in Chicago?”

“All right, fine. You know I will do anything to make you happy, Lucy. You take care of yourself.”

“Bye mom.”


	10. Chapter 10

Lucy opened her eyes, feeling John against her back, his warm steady breath against her neck.  The summer was rolling by quickly, but things were going really well still between them.

She thought back to their conversations from when they were first dating, and she knew she wanted to push him a bit.  One was the whole issue of using a condom when they had sex.  She was careful taking her pills, they were committed to each other and did regular testing as they both worked in health care.

She lifted he hand from where it rested on her belly and started nibbling on his fingers.

"Mm, what time is it?"  His sleepy voice whispered in her ear.  She could feel his arousal against her, they often had sex first thing in the morning, Lucy loved waking him up to make love then falling asleep again in his arms.

"6 am.  And we both have the day off."  She turned in his arms, kissing his and running her fingers into his hair.  He twitched slightly, she knew he loved it when she played with his hair.

He nibbled her neck, and then lavished attention onto her breasts.  Lucy ran her fingers over his warm smooth skin, feeling her own desire catch fire as he left a fiery trail across her body.  She never tired of having him touch her, his hand working down between her thighs to stroke and tease.

Lucy started her own kissing, loving the feel of him under her lips and hands, her hand finding his erection and running her finger over his sensitive tip, then stroking up and down, making him moan around his mouthful of breast.

He reached out for the package on the side table, but she took his hand.

"Without baby, I want you without."

"Luce."  She intensified her motion, keeping her hand wrapped tightly around him.  She pushed him onto his back,  straddling his body, then taking him fully inside her.  "Oh baby, what are you doing to me."

Carter loved how it felt, no question, but he was still concerned about being extra safe.  However the sensations were taking over as Lucy started to move against him and he let her continue.  

Lucy was loving it too, the feel of him inside her as she circled her hips.  She could feel his hands caressing her hips, then one moving across and up her belly, grazing her skin so sensuously.  The climax when it came, was intense for both of them, she threw back her head and cried out, calling his name.  Lucy collapsed against his chest, her breasts heaving as she recovered from the sensations that had overwhelmed her.

"Oh Luce, that was intense."

"I know baby.  It is so much better without."  She flopped down onto the bed and lay across his chest, looking down into his eyes.

"I know, but...you know how I feel about it.  I'm not ready and neither are you."

"I'm on the pill, John, we are using birth control, and you said we could discuss it once I graduated."

"Yeah, Luce, discuss it, not just stop using condoms.  It increases the odds of you ending up pregnant, and you are working insane hours."

"I am really careful about being on time, please John?"

Carter sighed.  This was a tough one, he trusted her, of course, but... "Okay Lucy, you win, but if you think you have missed one then we need to use extra protection."

"Yes, of course."

Lucy was happy she had won the battle, and it was all going well for a few weeks afterwards.

Carter wasn't thinking too much about it anymore, their relationship was developing, he finally felt secure that things were finally going okay.  They still had not let anyone know at the hospital that they were dating officially, though he knew it would come out sooner or later.

The long hours were difficult on both of them, they had less and less time together.  Carter knew the intern year was tough, so he just encouraged Lucy, and did his best to keep things on an even keel as she struggled with exhaustion.   He noticed she seemed to be coping though, and he was proud of how she had been doing.  He missed his time with her, but he knew if they could keep it together, sooner or later it would get easier - they just had to get through her internship year.

Lucy was definitely finding things difficult.  She was getting tired of hiding her relationship with John, but her bigger concern were the brutal hours.  She'd gone to see her doctor, and she was covertly back on Ritalin.  She knew how John felt about it, he would not be happy with her, but she was so tired all the time and it got her through her shift.  He thought she was off the drug, but she had been taking it on and off even over the last year, and she was scared about him finding out.  She kept the bottle tucked in the bottom of her bag, well hidden, and was careful to never let him see it.

Lucy had been on call for the past 24 hours and was missing John terribly.  She couldn't remember the last time they'd made love to each other, their shifts over the last week and been opposite and it was getting tough to see each other.

She finally had a chance, John was in the ER and she had been called down for a consult. Abby Lockhart dragged her in to see a patient and then she had to meet with Lockhart and Carter to go over her findings. She could see John was tired too, he had been filling in some extra shifts as Dr. Greene was off for a while.

She wanted to hug him, but she knew she couldn’t. She realized that Abby was staring at her funny.

“Dr. Knight? Dr. Carter and I are waiting, did you have something for us?”

Carter gave her a very subtle wink over the back of Abby’s head and she felt a little wetness between her legs. Damn the man, she wanted to take him into Exam 6 and rip his clothes off.  It had been over a week since they'd been together.

“Lucy, what are we doing with this patient?” Carter raised his eyebrow at her.

“Oh, right. Um mm, I will get DeRaad to admit him, I am a bit worried that he is going to hurt himself. If you can keep him here for a bit longer? Sorry I’m a bit tired, I think I need a coffee.”

This was her code with Carter. She needed more than a coffee, she wanted him to meet her in the basement in 'the room'.  They met there sometimes when they were both on shift for a little extra loving.

Carter yawned. “I think I might need a little coffee myself."  This was his code for 'meet you there'.

"Okay, Abby, let me sign the chart, and off to your next patient. I’m taking half an hour, so check in with Luka if you need anything.” Carter turned and left without saying anything else.

Lucy made for the elevators, then ducked down the stairs once she was out of sight. She sped down the hall and into their private little room. As she stepped in and around all the junk Carter pulled her into his arms for a long kiss.

“Why Dr. Carter, getting fresh are we?”

“I’ll get more than fresh with you, if you’d like.”

“Oh, I’d like.”

They both started stripping of their clothes, carefully hanging them so they didn’t get dirty, and Lucy found herself on her back with Carter on top of her. Their kissing was passionate as he stroked and teased her breasts, kissing his way down between her knees.

“John.” She gasped as he worked her with his tongue. “We don’t have time.”

He said nothing, being very occupied, but continued, bringing her to a quick climax.  As she lay gasping he moved his way back up her body.  Lucy threw her head back, bringing up her knees as he thrust deep and hard, biting his shoulder to keep herself from crying out.  She dug her fingers into his back as their bodies danced together. 

She moaned as the curling sensation started in her belly and he covered her mouth with his, knowing she was almost there.  Lucy came with intensity with John just behind her. He collapsed against her and they kissed gently.

“Thank you baby that was just what I needed.”  She finally spoke once she caught her breath.  His warm weight was satisfying, she had missed the feel of his body against hers.

“Yeah, me too. I’m stuck here until 5 am tomorrow, Weaver needs me to cover a shift.”

“And I am on a 36 hour shift, so I will be here pretty much all day tomorrow, I hope you have days off soon.”

“Don’t know, Luce. I’ll call you later, but we should get back.” He kissed her and she ran a hand down his cheek.

“Wash before you go back, hon, you smell like…me. Like sex. Not that I mind, but not good at work.”

“I will.” He kissed her again then pulled his clothing back on, grabbing his pager which had dropped on the floor and heading back towards the ER but stopping in the men’s room and washing thoroughly.

Malucci came in. “Hey hoss. Been looking for you, we had an MVA. Been paging you.”

“Crap, where’s my pager?” John felt all his pockets and almost groaned as he looked at the one he had in his hand. He had picked up Lucy’s pager, she must have his. Oh boy. “Must be a problem with the batteries or something.”

Just then the pager buzzed. “Or not.” He looked at the number ‘911’ ER. “I have a 911 ER, got to go.”

Dave followed Carter out of the bathroom and towards the stairs.

“Yeah, well funny thing. Lucy showed up and said she had been paged, but no one had paged her. Jerry paged you again, and Lucy’s pager buzzed. So…why does Lucy have your pager?”

“Oh we grabbed a coffee together, we had our pagers on the table, guess I picked up the wrong one.”

“Uh huh. You know she looked very…radiant when she showed up, and a little…disheveled. Sure there isn’t anything else going on?”

“Nope. Maybe she had a rough patient.” They arrived in the ER and Jerry smirked at him and Chuny raised an eyebrow at his appearance.

“Dr. Carter, how nice of you to show up.” Weaver stepped in front of him. “When I page you,’911’ that means get your ass in here, now.”

“Uh, sorry, had a little pager problem.”

“Oh, like not having your own pager?” Kerry held out Carter’s pager and held out her hand for the one in his.

“Who’s is this?”

Carter sighed. Like she didn’t already know.

“Uh, Dr. Knight I believe.” Carter took his pager back and handed Kerry Lucy’s pager.  He had wanted to give it to Lucy himself, but he knew they were busted...again.

“Uh huh. Well, you need to be a little more…careful not to mix up your belongings. The pager should be attached or in your pocket, so…back to work.”

Carter could feel eyes on him as he grabbed a couple charts and headed to the exam rooms. Chuny sidled in.

“Need anything there Dr. Carter?”

“Yes, can you set me up to suture this, and set up for a pelvic next door. Is Lockhart around?”

He stepped out and Chuny came up to him in the hall.

“You two are cute together.  You are still seeing her, and you're definitely getting it on, she looked like she'd just had a superb roll in the hay.”

“Um mm, who?” He kept his eyes on the x-rays he was reviewing for another patient he’d sent to radiology before his break.

“You and Lucy. Come on, you two are knocking boots, how else did you get your pagers mixed up? Got dressed too quickly after your little ‘coffee break’?” She giggled.

“Chuny, just stop, okay?  We've talked about this, remember?  We had coffee, pagers on the table, and I picked up the wrong one.”

“Ah, right, well bets are off, she's a resident now and you are not her supervisor, so it's no longer forbidden for you to date her. Where do you get coffee, she looked very, very, satisfied with the coffee she had, that’s for sure. What is it, a naked blend?”

Chuny smirked and walked away.

Carter went up to admit to update the board and Jerry was smirking again.

"Did you have a good...coffee break?  You look a little more relaxed for some reason."

Carter rolled his eyes as Malucci came up to him again. 

"So, just where do you two...go for your...coffee breaks?  Anything you'd like to share, Hoss?  I mean, if there is a good spot..."

"Nope, just mind your own business."  Carter turned and grabbed a chart and walked away.

Malucci grinned.  "Oh yeah, someone's getting laid."  He gave a high five to Jerry.

Lucy came down for another consult later in the afternoon, and knew she had quite a few eyes watching her. She knew they’d messed up with the pagers, as soon as she showed up and found a major MVA rolling through and no one having a clue why she’d been paged, she wanted to run and find John.  She had taken a close look at the pager in her hand and realized that it wasn't hers.

Then Jerry paged Carter again before she managed to get away and his pager buzzed incessantly as Jerry called ‘911’ on it. She felt like everyone was staring at her and knew she had Carter’s pager. 

"Anyone seen Carter!"  Kerry bellowed.

Jerry had pointed at Lucy

"Maybe ask Dr. Knight where Dr. Carter has gotten to, she seems to have his pager."

Dr. Weaver had given the trauma to Kovac, hauling Lucy into the lounge.

"Is that Carter's pager?"

"Uh, yeah, I um, yeah, it is."

She could feel Weavers eyes boring into her skull as she tried not to look at her.

"And where is Dr. Carter?"

"I thought he was on his way back here?  Maybe...yeah, page me, and I bet you will get him.  We went for coffee and I think we mixed up our pagers."

"Coffee.  Coffee requires you to remove your pagers?"  Kerry saw how antsy Lucy was and knew that there was a little more than a coffee break going on.  The question was where were they meeting?  Neither had been gone long, but Lucy looked flushed and...like she'd just had sex.  Her clothes were a little disheveled, liked she'd dressed n a hurry.  Kerry could see the signs, they were involved.  There had been rumours off and on over the last year, she hoped this was a new thing though, she didn't want to have to discipline them.

"Stay here."  Kerry commanded and left the lounge.  It was barely 5 minutes later when she returned with Lucy's pager, giving her a stern look as she clipped it on her belt.  “I hope there will be no further coffee break incidents Dr. Knight.”

Lucy shook her head.  "No there won't."

Kerry sighed. “I hope for both your sake that this relationship is new, that you were not involved with Dr. Carter while he was supervising you?”

Lucy looked at Dr. Weaver knowing it was pointless to deny that they were seeing each other, and said softly. “We haven’t been seeing each other very long. He didn’t do anything improper, I asked him out after I was assigned to Psych.”

“I hope so Dr. Knight, this could severely affect his chances for Chief Resident if he had been shown to be involved with a med student, especially one he had been directly supervising. I know there were some rumors about an incident in an exam room about a year or so ago? Dr. Carter is my first choice, and I would not want him to miss out due to impropriety on either of your parts.”

“I understand Dr. Weaver. No, we didn’t have anything but a professional relationship until after I became a resident. We have been discreet about it until today, I don’t want to cause trouble for John.”

“John, huh. Okay, well, you aren’t planning to come back to the ER anytime soon?”

“No, I’m staying in Psych.”

“All right, we will have to manage things so Dr. Carter never supervises you in any capacity.” Kerry touched her arm. “Be good to him, Lucy, he has his faults, but he is one of the best people I know. You know he rented my basement suite? It was hard when I had to make him leave, but I am his boss and I didn’t want to ruin his chances to be Chief Resident, he has wanted it for a long time. Make sure you are serious about him, or let him go now, this could get difficult at some point, him being a previous supervisor.”

Lucy looks at Weaver, tilting her head slightly. “I’m in love with him. Already, I love him, but if you think I need to, I will stop seeing him. I don’t want to jeopardize his career.”

“Not necessary Dr. Knight. If you care deeply for him, it would be worse to hurt him by leaving him.  Just, no more 'coffee breaks' that involve the removal of clothing."  Kerry almost smirked at that one, damn that was ballsy, having sex at work.  Though she would put money on the fact it wasn't the first time they'd done it.  Certainly not the first time Carter had, she'd heard about him and that blond surgeon a couple years back.

She remembered Carter with Roxanne, who had stayed over in the apartment with him quite a number of times.  She could not help but overhear them on quite a few occasions, though she didn't think Carter knew how the sounds traveled up the pipes.  Kerry had not been seeing anyone, or not anyone she brought back to the house overnight for him to know how the sound traveled. She was frankly a little jealous at times,  laying awake a few times feeling sexually frustrated.  No guy ever made _her_ sound like _that_ during sex, and Roxanne was very vocal, the moaning and how she would cry out his name _'John'_ was incredibly arousing to Kerry.

Kerry was definitely not a prude, she loved sex too and wondered what Carter would say if he knew she had been stroking herself in her bed upstairs, while listening to Roxanne climax.   Making herself come, taking her time because Carter and Roxanne never had sex just once, they had sex several times a night in an impressively short time, or he was giving her amazing multiple orgasms...maybe it was both.  Carter's own little noises when she was sure Roxanne was giving him a little...oral satisfaction...it made Kerry feel like a voyeur, but she couldn't help it.  She loved to listen to them having sex.   She had thought about what it would be like to be the one under him in that bed, or how they would feel about her joining them.

She wasn't sure which on turned her on more either, Carter or Roxanne, she kind of thought she would happy with either or both of them touching her, making her moan like that.

 She saw that Carter and Lucy had sparks when the were together, she would place bets he was putting a big ole smile on the girls face on a regular basis.  If they were knocking boots, as Chuny would put it, the more power to them.  As long as it didn't interfere with their work Kerry didn't care that they were involved.

Kerry suddenly realized that Lucy was staring at her with a bit of a frown, and that she was a little damp.  She had gotten very lost in her musings,  which were slightly inappropriate, thinking about Carter that way.  One of the reasons she had him move out was the fact she had started looking at him differently, as a man, not just as someone she supervised at work.

"Dr. Weaver, are you okay?"  Lucy sounded concerned, and she was in fact wondering exactly what Kerry Weaver was thinking about now.  The expression on her face was making Lucy uncomfortable, the way she had said that, about them taking off their clothes.  Damn, John  had lived in her basement apartment...he was with Roxanne...Lucy tried to block out the next thought but nevertheless it flitted through before she could squash it and it made her a little nauseous.

"Oh, I'm fine, just, sorry, very tired, lost my train of thought.  Back to work, Dr. Knight."

Carter himself spent the rest of the day fielding comments and making no comment to the allegations about him and Lucy.  His shift was finally over when he paged her to meet him on the roof.

“I think we need to just admit our relationship, Luce. Weaver knows right?”

“Everyone knows, John, I have been getting comments all day.  Even upstairs everyone is talking about 'pager gate'  as they are calling it.  So, yeah, the pager thing, she just knew, and I confessed we were seeing each other, but I told her it happened after I started in Psych as an R1.”

“Okay, so I’m going to let Chuny know she was right, and everyone will know within an hour.”

Lucy laughed. “Kind of like when we made out in Exam 6. Everyone knew really fast, it was crazy, I got asked all sorts of questions about your performance. This should be fun, I get to critique you again.”

“Again? I hope you will be nice, or maybe you could just tell them none of their business?”

“Oh don’t you worry, I have been fully satisfied with every aspect of your performance. We have great sex, I always knew we would. Exam 6 was disappointing, I would have loved to take you for a spin back then.”

“You make it sound like test driving a car.”

“A high performance car, you have great things under the hood.” Lucy moved close and ran her hand down the front of his pants, rubbing him, feeling his arousal.

“Hey, I have to go home alone and you have to go back to work. I am going to be thinking of you all night now.”

Lucy pulled him around the corner where it was private, out of sight of the doors, and no one could approach without being seen.

“I’ll take care of that for you, after all, I owe you one.” She knelt down, opening his pants and taking him in her mouth, one hand wrapped around the base and the other cupping and squeezing his balls. Carter leaned back with his eyes closed, leaning back against the wall with his hands tangled in her hair.  

Lucy glanced up as she stroked and sucked him hearing the soft moans from his lips, his eyes closed as he enjoyed what she was doing to him.   She ran her finger underneath and gently rubbed just behind his balls, pressing lightly, and immediately felt the tightening as he exploded in her mouth.

Lucy loved how her man tasted. And how she could get him off so easily, the guy loved a good blow job, she found that out the very first night they were together. She drank him in, sucking until he was done. He had his head tipped back, an expression of utter satisfaction on his lips. She carefully tucked him back in his boxers and zipped him back up.

“Wow, that was incredible."  Carter's knees felt a little wobbly after that spectacular performance, she was something else, this woman.  Fearless and insatiable when it came to sex.

Lucy stood and gave him a deep kiss, the taste of him still in her mouth.

“I love doing that for you, baby. Just like you love doing it for me, you have a magic tongue. Maybe you can repay me later.”

“You bet I will.  Next time we have a break together, I’ll take you in the basement and give you the full treatment.”

“Why doctor, I do believe I would enjoy any treatment you give me.”

Carter smacks her bottom gently. “Oh, you’ll more than enjoy it. I’ll make you scream my name baby.”

Lucy raised an eyebrow. “Maybe we should use the back seat of your Jeep, otherwise everyone will hear me.”

Carters’ pager started to buzz. “ER, damn, I'm supposed to be off.   I have to go. Later, I promise.” He kissed her deeply and straightened his clothes, running for the stairs.

He arrived to incredible chaos, there had been a major pileup on the expressway and it was all hands on deck.  It was another three hours before he could head home.

“Great job Carter.” Kerry waved the gurney past her and it disappeared into the elevator.  "Thanks for staying past your shift to help, this was a bad one."

“Thanks Kerry, uh, Dr. Weaver, sorry.”

Kerry came up close to him. “It’s okay John, I know you sometimes forget. We’re still friends, I miss having you at my place but you understand that I want to see that Chief Resident application. People might have gotten the wrong idea if you still lived with me.  Do you have time and I'll buy you a coffee or something at Doc's."

Carter knew what she was going to ask, but he agreed.  Might as well get it over with.

They slid into opposites side of the booth, and they both ordered some breakfast.

"I am hearing you seem to have a serious girlfriend.”

“Lucy. I guess everyone figured it out after the pager thing, huh. We started seeing each other a couple months ago, and it’s going well.”

“Good, I’m happy for you. As long as you waited to start seeing her until after she started her residency, the hospital shouldn’t have problem with it. You can open up about it here if you’re ready.”

“Thanks Kerry, we were just talking about it. Should make Chuny’s day, that is for sure.”

"I'm sure, but don't feel the need to hide it, you are both Residents, and if you establish your relationship now, it shouldn't be a big deal by the time you hit Attending.  Just...Carter...keep your damn clothes on at work."

Carter almost choked on his toast as Kerry said this.

"Um, _what_?"  He coughed out.  Carter was taken a bit aback by her outright comment.

"Don't even pretend, John.  I know you two had sex somewhere in the hospital, she had 'got laid'  written all over her face, as did you.  You lived in my house, Carter, you think I don't know the look you get after a very satisfying evening?"

Carter gave Kerry a very long look, feeling a little disturbed by that comment.  "I am not even going to ask, but okay, whatever Kerry." 

"Oh, relax, I'm not a prude, John.  Roxanne slept over all the time, of course you were having sex with her.  You're dating Lucy, of course you two are having sex."

"Yeah, but I didn't actually want to discuss my sex life with you Kerry, we work together, you're one of my supervisors.  Can we find a new topic now?"  Carter took another bite of breakfast.

"Of course.  Just...enough said, you get the message."

"Uh huh, no sex at work, got it.  Move on please."

"Okay, so, keep working hard, and I will pretend 'pager gate' didn't happen."  Kerry gave a small laugh as Carter rolled his eyes.  It was funny how everyone in the hospital had already heard that Carter and Lucy had managed to mix up their pagers, and there were plenty of theories on just how that happened.  Most involved the removal of clothing, and Kerry was quite sure it was the truth.  "You have a good chance of being the next Chief, so, behave and it will all be good."

The moved on to other topics, Carter feeling less out of sorts as it became neutral topics.

The next day Carter was back to work.  Lucy was back down for another consult and she smiled at Carter, thinking about how much she loved him.

She felt his eyes meet hers and a little smile played around his lips. Chuny was sharp as always, watching the two of them.

“Lucy looks like a very happy and satisfied woman. How long have you two been seeing each other.”

“A couple months.” Carter picked up a chart and walked away, Chuny did a double take at the admission. She sped after him.

“What?  You’re finally admitting it?”

“We’re seeing each other if that’s what you mean.”

Chuny gave Carter a quick hug.  "I am so happy for you, you both have been looking really happy for quite a while.  Does this mean I can share?"

"Share away Chuny, but before you do?" 

Lucy was walking by, Carter grabbed her hand and gave her a quick kiss, right in the middle of the ER.  Lucy ran her hand down his arm and smiled before she walked down to meet Malucci and his patient.

There was a moment of silence from those who had observed the kiss, Malucci had a huge grin on his face.

"I knew it."  He chortled.


	11. Chapter 11

Lucy came up beside him where he was reading an x-ray. “You told her? That was a bit of a dramatic coming out, everyone pretty much stopped and stared.”

“Uh huh, but we can be open now, but we still need to be professional so no open hugging and kissing right? I mean besides that one kiss. But we can come in together and leave together when our shifts match, openly take breaks, all of that.”

Lucy pulled him into an empty exam room. She looked up into his eyes, then reached up and kissed him, deeply and passionately. She heard the door open but she took her time releasing him and stroked his cheek before she turned and swept past a grinning Haleh.

“Well, well, what have we interrupted here? I thought Chuny was getting dramatic again, but seems like she is right. You two finally coming out of the closet? Or maybe coming out of the exam room is a better choice of words.” Haleh snickered.

“Yeah, yeah, Haleh. Whatever.” Carter gave her a little grin and a quick hug on the way by. “I could get used to that.” He picked up his chart.

“We need you, MVA in about 2 minutes.” Haleh trailed him out.

“Okay, let’s go.” He dropped his chart at admit, continuing on and out the doors, pulling on the gown and snapping on some gloves and he and Haleh met the incoming ambulance.

Carter thought him and Lucy going public would make things easier, that Chuny could lay off, but he found that was not the case.

Chuny gave Carter a little prod as he was doing some charts in the lounge at the end of his shift.  He was a bit like her little brother in a lot of ways. She had watched him grow up over the past few years, and he had gone from adorably cute to plain hot. Naïve and unsure to worldly and capable. Lucy had caught herself a good one and Chuny was going to make sure it went well for them.

"What Chuny?"

"Oh, you and Lucy, it's so damn cute.  I am glad you two have stayed together."

"Yeah, yeah, you got what you wanted, so...can you just let us get on with things?"

“And you got what you wanted, Carter, you have wanted her for a long time, and you know it.  I think you have a lot to offer, Carter. You don’t have to settle for just anyone, never sell yourself short. Lucy is with you because she can see who you are.  I really think you two should be together, get married and make adorable little babies.”

“Thanks Chuny. But don’t rush it, it’s going well but I need to be sure, I haven’t had the best luck with women. In my experience it could crash and burn anytime.”

“Ah, well, you just needed to find the right one. Snakes like Roxanne were not the right ones. Bet the sex was great, but she was empty, a hard woman, you need someone softer. Someone like Lucy, she is a lot like you, stubborn, but she cares a lot, she is capable of loving someone completely, a lot of the other women you have dated…they were just not for you. They weren’t Lucy.”

“Yeah, well she’s an original, that is for sure. Stubborn little pain in the ass, but there is something about her.”

“Yeah, you love her, she is your soul mate, Carter, don’t screw this one up.” She patted his arm and left.

Carter sighed, now she was trying to marry them off and have them making babies, which was just not in the cards for a while.  Lucy was an intern, they had been together less than a year, neither of them were ready for babies just yet.  He hoped she would calm down after the big reveal.  Of course Chuny had known for a while, though he was not sure if she realized they had now been together for about 8 full months.  He didn't think so.

He finished his charts and took them back to admit, thinking that it had been an eventful couple of days.

He went up to Psych and said goodnight to Lucy who was finishing her shift in the next couple of hours, then headed home.  He showered and crawled gratefully into bed, waking up when crawled in with him.

"I am so tired baby."  Lucy snuggled up to him and was asleep almost instantly. 

Carter woke up a bit later the next morning, they both finally had a day off.  Lucy was still fast asleep and he thought he would let her stay that way, she had been doing some really long days and he was sure she needed it.  He had noticed that when she wasn't getting enough sleep she was irritable, and she had been losing quite a bit of weight.  Her moods had been up and down lately too, but he knew it was stressful, being an intern.

She padded out of the bedroom a couple hours later, still looking really tired.

"Oh you made coffee, you wonderful man.  I'll make us some breakfast.  Hungry?"  She stopped and gave him a kiss on her way into the kitchen. 

"I am almost always hungry, Luce, you know that.  Breakfast sounds great.  Hey did you get enough sleep?  You look tired still."

"Yeah, I'll be okay, just need some coffee."  Lucy poured a cup, then looked over at her bag which was by the door.  She also needed one of her pills but she had to get them out without John seeing her.  Fortunately he went into the bathroom and she went over quickly, digging out the bottle and popping one in her mouth, swallowing quickly.  She heard him coming back and dropped the bottle into her bag, scooting back to the kitchen.

Lucy pulled out the pan and opened the fridge.  "Hey, um. my friend Casey want to meet you...well meet you again I guess, she lived in the dorms when you were RA.  She suggested we go out with her and her boyfriend, a double date."

"Sure, I guess.  If we can actually get a night we both have off.  Just not tonight, okay?  We haven't had a night together in a while, so, lets go out just the two of us."

"Sounds great."  Lucy started to work on breakfast, and could soon feel her Ritalin kicking in.  She was soon bouncing around the kitchen humming.

"How much coffee did you have Luce?"  Carter was noticing she was suddenly wide awake and full of energy.  He watched her closely, thinking of how much this reminded him of her a couple years ago.  

"Oh just a cup."

"Luce, are you...okay?"

"I'm fine John, I just finally woke up.  I slept like a log, and I am looking forward to having a whole day off with my man."  She flicked the burner off, moving close to him and wrapping her arms up around his neck. 

Carter leaned down, claiming her lips with his own, the kiss becoming deep and passionate very quickly.  He scooped Lucy up, taking her into the bedroom and dropping her gently onto the bed. 

Lucy wrapped her arms around him, their bodies molded together, her whole body trembling with desire. She ran her hands up his smooth back, pushing up his shirt, helping him as he stripped it off in one quick movement.  Lucy could feel her body responding to his touch and kisses, as she pushed her hands down the back of his sweatpants, groping his tight ass.  With a bit of maneuvering those too were removed and tossed onto the floor.

Lucy lifted her arms, letting him removes her nightgown and then her panties join the rest of the clothing, tossed aside without a thought.  

Carter could feel how aroused she was, her hips grinding against him, how she was rubbing against him as he throbbed almost painfully.  She opened her thighs, pulling him to settle between them, so he could ease all the way into her warm silky softness.  He had to pause and inhale deeply, he could feel her hands cup his ass and hold him to her as their lips met again, their tongues dancing together.

Lucy ran her hands up his back, one into his hair, moving her hips in encouragement.  He was buried deep inside her which felt so damn good, but now she just needed him to fuck her.  She needed the release, sometimes it was just about release, like that first night when he literally fucked her in the parking lot.  Even thinking about it made her even more turned on, she would forever remember how hot and passionate their first time was.

Carter pulled almost all the way out and Lucy was ready to protest before she realized he was fully inside her again. He did  this a few times with long slow thrusts which excited her, making her moan softly against his hair.  She let herself go, letting her hips rise up to meet him, as they picked up the pace, falling into the rhythm easily. He thrust into her over and over, little involuntary gasps escaping her lips, little oh’s of pleasure.

Carter changed position a bit until she let out a very audible moan, then he stayed there, hitting just the right spot with each thrust.

" _Oh yes, that’s it. Don’t stop.”_   She begged him. _“Oh yes, baby, harder.”_   

Lucy felt him thrust a bit harder and faster, intensifying the waves of pleasure running through her.  She pulled up her knees as he pounded into her body, she felt suddenly like they were the only two people in the world.  Her breath was coming in short gasps, the orgasm rising, seeming to start right from her toes.

Lucy cried out as her muscles clamped around him, the intensity surprised her. Carter gave his own little groan and managed a couple more strokes, before thrusting in deep and hard enjoying his own release.  He could feel both of their bodies quivering in the aftermath as he collapsed against her, burying his face into the side of her neck.

They lay in a sweaty tangle of limbs both more than a little hot and sweaty, and out of breath. Carter rolled them onto their sides, keeping her close, kissing her gently as they caught their breaths.

"Mm, baby, that was great."  Lucy ran her fingers down his face.

"Tell me about it.  These long shifts are getting really hard to manage.  And now we have to be even more careful at work, Kerry made quite a big deal about us 'keeping our clothes on at work'.  She absolutely knows we've been having sex at the hospital."

"Yeah, I know.  She made it clear to me too.  She weirded me out a bit too when she talked to me about the pager thing."

"How so?"  Carter was thinking about how strange Kerry had acted around him at the diner, when she started talking about how he'd had sex with Roxanne.

"Um, I don't know quite how to say this, I hate to bring up exes, especially...her."

"Her?  Who?"  Carter was pretty sure she meant Roxanne, but he wanted to make sure.

"You know...Roxanne.  Dr. Weaver...you lived in her house, when you were dating Roxanne and it was like she knew you and I'd had sex because of what she knew about you.  She had this look on her face, like...John, I can't even say it.  Just, ew."

"Ah, okay.  Yeah, she made a couple of comments to me too, and I had the same thought, but I am trying not to think about it because it is a bit disturbing."

"Yeah, bad enough Roxanne invited me out for coffee to ask if we were getting it on in the lunch room, but now Weaver...I like her generally but it was strange John."

Carter sat up and looked at Lucy.  "What?"  He had a frown on his face.  "Roxanne asked you out for coffee?  When I was still dating her and asked if we were having sex?"

Lucy bit her tongue.  Oh boy, she had not been thinking when she said _that._

"Lucy, did you and Roxanne talk about me when I was still dating her?"  He tipped her chin up and looked into her eyes.  "Luce?"  His voice held a tone of warning, and Lucy knew she could not lie to him about it.

"Yeah, we did.  It was...not that long before you broke up with her, she was trying to figure out why things were changing between the two of you, you were drifting off from her I guess.  I know she made comments to you about us, John, I was there that day you were supposed to sail with her and blew her off?  You were on the phone and she was bitchy, you know 'I'll leave you two alone?'  Remember that comment?"

"Only vaguely, I was tuning her out, I was on an important call _at work_ and she was acting like I should drop everything to cater to her every whim.  She was starting to act a little crazy, and now I know she was.  Talking to my med student about our relationship?  Fuck, I cannot believe her."  Carter was pissed, he was off the bed, and pulling on clothes.  "I cannot _fucking believe_ that she did that and that you didn't tell me."  He turned and his eyes were blazing.  "Why did you not tell me she had come to you?  That was so inappropriate for you to talk to my girlfriend."

Lucy pulled to covers up, recognizing that he was really beyond angry at the moment and it was best to give him a couple minutes before she talked to him.  John never talked like that, she had only heard him swear a very few times, he had to be really upset to swear.

Carter grabbed his keys and wallet, not sure where he was going but needing to get out and cool off before he totally blew up at Lucy.  She talked to Roxanne?  Holy crap, he was pissed off at both of them for what felt like a betrayal.  On top of that, finding out that Kerry may well have been listening while he and Roxanne had sex, well this just put him over the edge.

Lucy sat quietly for a few minutes, then got out of bed.  So much for a nice day with her man, it had started out perfect and now he was livid.  She finally padded into the bathroom and crawled into the shower, feeling suddenly drained and very upset.  She dressed, then located her pill bottle, taking one more of her Ritalin, hoping to sooth her nerves.  These magic little pills made her feel euphoric and happy, evened out the mood swings she was having with all the stress she was under.

Carter walked for a long time by the river, before finally turning for home.  He needed to talk to Lucy, find out what was said between her and Roxanne.  Then maybe they could salvage the rest of the day, he had been craving time with her, and the first day they had off was spoiled.


	12. Chapter 12

Carter inhaled deeply as he walked towards the L.  Fall was creeping in and he could smell the crispness in the air, the leaves were beautiful shades of orange and yellow.  He gave his head a shake.  He really was goner, waxing poetic on the autumn leaves? 

He was definitely in love with her, no question in his mind.  He was also getting a bit concerned about her too.  He knew that the internship year was tough, but DeRaad was far less demanding than Benton, Psych as a whole was way less demanding.  It was so touchy feely, it seemed so easy compared to what he went through in the dog eat dog world of surgical internship.  That was tough, competing with Edson all the time, dealing with Benton, seeing Dennis die in front of his eyes.  It was a rough year, yet he got through it.

Lucy...she seemed to be struggling a bit and he truly was worried for her.  He had asked her numerous times if she was okay over the last month and she always rolled her eyes. 

"I'm fine, John, really, just a bit tired from work."

That was her answer every time, but he remained unconvinced.  Something was not quite right and he was trying to spot what it was.  He'd asked her too, had she started taking Ritalin again?  She'd said no, no way was she taking drugs.  He wanted to believe her, desperately wanted to believe that she had not started again.

The other issue lately was her meeting his family.  He thought that he would set that up soon, but she was so buried with work, he didn't want to put more pressure on her.  It would be his grandparents that she would meet of course, his parents were...well, who knows where the hell the were now.  Tokyo last he'd heard.  They rarely phoned him or even showed up in Chicago and he was not going to chase around trying to find them.  He felt they'd written him off long ago, the son that had disappointed them so thoroughly by not wanting to be part of the family business.

The one who had lived when Bobby had died.  Maybe it should have been him, Bobby was the favourite, the first born son, the one who had been more likely to go into the family business.  Even before he had gotten sick, his brother had shown far more interest in the business than John ever had.  Still, he had loved his brother, they had been very very close when they were kids, only two years apart in age.  He missed him, and often wondered what it would be like to have him alive, part of his life.  Maybe everything would be different in John's life if  Bobby had lived, maybe he would feel like he actually had a family.

Lucy, she was lucky, her mom adored her, called her all the time.  She had raised her daughter alone, but was always there.  John had two parents that were never there.  His grandmother was more of a mother to him than his actual mom was.  And Millicent Carter was not even that warm most of the time.  He remembered she was quite indulgent and loving when he was little, but now she was demanding, wanting him to leave the hospital, to quit being a doctor.

Carter shook off his musings and walked into the ER.  He had another long shift and Lucy was on a 36 hour shift.  He darted upstairs to see if he could catch her quickly between patients.

"John, looking for Lucy?"  Carl DeRaad greeted him, it was common knowledge now that Carter and Lucy were seeing each other.

"Is she around?"

"In with a patient.  Say, John, do you have a few minutes, I'd like to talk to you...privately if we could?"

Carter glanced at his watch.  "Sure, I have to be downstairs in half an hour, no problem."  He was a bit curious about what DeRaad would have to say to him, he was pretty sure it was going to be about Lucy though.

Carl closed his office door and motioned for Carter to sit.  He steepled his fingers under his chin, then leaned back in chair with a sigh.

"I really hate to be doing this, but, I have to ask.  Have you...noticed anything different about Lucy lately?  I am a bit concerned about her, and...I thought you might know something.  Is everything okay with the two of you?"

Carter nodded slowly.  "Yeah, everything is okay with us, in general, but...I will admit I have been a bit worried about her lately too.  I mean, it has not been that long since I finished my own residency and all, so I know its a tough year.  Still, she has not seemed quite herself, and I have asked if everything is okay with her many times.  She seems a little...moody maybe?"

Carl tilted his head slightly.  "Hmm, well, I have noticed much the same thing, and it is a bit of a concern to me.  Right now I am just keeping an eye on her, and she is doing her job and all, but we both know that could change.  I have asked her several times how she is feeling, done some little 'reviews' with her and there is something that I can not quite put my finger on.  Something John, do you know what it might be?"

Carter inhaled deeply.  "I...have a suspicion but I am not sure I can tell you.  This feels kind of...wrong, talking to you about her."

"John, I promise you, if she is having any difficulties, I would want to help her.  If that meant her taking a bit of time off, I would work with her to make sure she made it up if she wanted to continue her internship.  She is going to be great, she has a really wonderful touch with the patients.  Anything you say is between us, and only going to be used to help Lucy.  If you know anything that could help her...please let me know."

"You can promise me that?  If she finds out I told you she is going to go ballistic on me, and I may very well be destroying our relationship.  I care about her, a lot, and I can't ruin her career and I really don't want to ruin our relationship.  Let me see if I can find proof before we go any further.  I know if you're concerned too, then I am not imagining things and I need to find out for sure."

"I understand your concerns John.  I know the whole thing between you and Lucy is new, but please let me help."

"I'll tell you what, let me see what else I can find out and we can talk again, but I should get to work."  Carter needed to think about everything, and he knew he was going to have to get to the bottom of things with Lucy and her behavior lately.

He left the office, Lucy was just coming out from seeing a patient. 

"John.  You're here, sorry, I was busy with a patient."

"I know, that's fine, I just talked to DeRaad for a few minutes about a referral from the ER.  I have to go on shift in 5, but find me later and we will go for a coffee?"

"Yes.  That sounds great, I am going to need one."  Lucy grinned at him.

John gave her a quick kiss, then took the stairs down to the ER.

Hours later, Lucy finally came down, still looking very lively for someone who was getting close to the end of a 36 hour shift.  Carter was more suspicious than ever, but he was trying not to make any waves until he knew for sure.  He was still on for several more hours and would not get home until long after Lucy was asleep.

"Coffee?"  She said with a little smirk.

"Yeah, let's go."  Carter followed her and they ended up downstairs in 'the room'.  Despite Kerry's warnings, they were still meeting down there regularly, as one of them was almost always on shift and their time at home together was limited. 

The minute they got into the room, Lucy was all over him, pushing him down onto the bed.  The sex was still great, he had to admit, even after being together for 10 months now, there was still real passion between them.  They lay close as they caught their breath afterwards.

"Luce, how do you still have that much energy after a 36 hour shift, did you get a chance to sleep?"

"Nope, it's been really busy, so I think I am running on pure adrenaline now.  I have been hopping all night."

"Really."  Carter remembered his shifts as an intern and how exhausted he was at the end of each one, only wanting to crawl into his bed an sleep.  Lucy was a bundle of energy after 35 hours on her feet, that was just not normal.

"Yup, I feel pretty great.  Another hour and I am off home.  What time you done?"

"I have another 4 hours, then I should be off, barring the unforeseen.  You know how it is in the ER."

"I remember.  I'll keep your side of the bed warm for you, hurry home." 

They both dressed and gave each other a long warm kiss, before going there separate ways.

Lucy felt great, she had taken another one of her Ritalin not long before she met John for 'coffee'.  And the sex was out of this world.  She finished her last hour with a big smile on her face, then went to John's apartment, dropping her bag on the floor near the door on the way in.  She showered, grabbed a snack from the fridge, then crawled into the big luxurious bed for some sleep.

Except she didn't sleep.  She felt wired, so she got up and studied for a couple hours, then went looking for something to do.  Damn, his apartment was too clean, too organized, there was not much she could do.  She emptied one of her drawers and started to organize her socks and underwear.  Then she tidied all the medical journals.  Hours later when John finally made it home, Lucy was baking cookies.

"Hi baby."  She chirped as he came in the door.  She was slinging fresh cookies onto a cooling rack, with a big smile.

"Uh hey, Luce.  What are you still doing up?  Did you get some sleep?"  Carter looked at his watch, it was 6 am and she had only been off work for about 5 hours. She should be asleep, comatose.  He walked over and turned down the music, silently apologizing to his neighbors.

"No, I'm not really tired.  I got a lot done though, studied, organized my drawers, straightened up the apartment a bit, then I thought maybe you'd like cookies.  Try one."

"Let me shower first, okay?  Then I'll have one of your cookies before I go to bed."  Carter disappeared into the bathroom, knowing he had to get a look in her bag.

Lucy finished baking the last of the cookies while John showered.  He looked tired, ready for some sleep and maybe she could try to go to bed when he was ready.  She cleaned up the kitchen then went into the bedroom, crawling into bed, this time crashing immediately.

Carter came out to a totally silent apartment.  He helped himself to a cookie...they were pretty damn good, Lucy was quite an accomplished cook.  Then he peeked into the bedroom, finding Lucy totally out. 

"Lucy?"  He whispered, then waited to be sure.  He tiptoed out of the room, shutting the door behind him, locating her bag by the door.  Funny, she cleaned up everything but her bag.  He went to the couch and sat, taking in a deep breath before he started taking things out.  When his hand hit the bottle, he knew what it was before he looked at the label.

Damn it, she was back on Ritalin, and she'd been lying about it.  Carter felt the disappointment course through him, knowing he had a real problem.  He sat for a long time, knowing he needed help with this.  He pulled out his phone and went into the second bedroom, shutting the door before he dialed.

"Hello?"

"Barbara?"

"Yes, who's this?"

"John...Carter. Have you talked to Lucy in the past few days?"

Barbara sat up in her chair, her heart thumping. "No, John, what's wrong?"

She could hear the hesitation in his voice.

"She's okay right now, but...can I ask you something?"

"What's going on John? You're scaring me."

"Sorry, I don't mean to...it's just...I'm just going to say it. How long has Lucy been taking Ritalin?"

"She's not taking Ritalin, she's been off it for at least 5 years." Barbara listened to the dead silence. "John? What is going on?"

"She is going to be really mad at me, but...she has not been off it for 5 years. She is back on it now. I think she has a problem with it, Barbara, we need to get her some help."

"No, you must be mistaken, what makes you think she's using it?"

"The prescription bottle full of Ritalin that I found in her bag? Her irritability, her moods swings? She's losing weight, and she worked a 36 hour shift last night.  I came home 5 hours her shift was over and she was baking cookies.  After studying and organizing her drawers. The signs are there Barbara, she's addicted to it. I know for a fact she was using it last year as well, but she told me she was off of it when we started seeing each other. She lied to me about it."

"So this has been going on how long then. I mean, you have only been dating for a couple months." Barbara felt the hesitation. "John, when did you two really start seeing each other? Please tell me the truth. I somehow think that it has been longer."

"She is going to kill me. But I am not going to lie to you. January, we have been seeing each other for months, we just kept it quiet."

"Because you were her supervisor."

"Yeah, exactly, it just kind of happened.  I didn't want anyone to think...well I think you get it." Carter didn't want to say it out loud 'sleeping her way to a good review.'  Not to her mother, he already felt bad enough about ratting her out about the Ritalin.

"I understand, I am not oblivious to the fact that my daughter was attracted to you quite a long time ago, John. Or that she is a grown woman, and you two obviously have sex. You didn't want people to think she was sleeping with you for a good review or special favours at work."

"No, I didn't.  I love her, Barbara, I have for quite a while.  I know we should not have been involved while she was still a student, and I could still get in big trouble for that, but I don't want to lie to you.  But, I don't know quite what to do here, I found the pills in her bag, because I've been worried about her behavior.  Then her boss took me aside earlier and asked me if I'd noticed anything, he's concerned too.  Did she have issues with the Ritalin before?"

Barbara sighed, she hated to do this, but John sounded really upset, so she was going to level with him.  He had after all told her the truth about his relationship with Lucy.  Lucy had outright lied to her too, she thought Lucy had stopped the drug several years ago and she had not been honest about her relationship with John.

"It was hard for her to stop.  I wish I had never started her on those damn pills, but when she was in school she had trouble concentrating, her mind has always worked quickly.  Now I know she should have just been put into a more challenging program, she was bored.  But the damage was done, she got dependent on the Ritalin.  We worked to get her off of them, and she seems to have been doing fine up until now."

"Thank you for telling me.  She is under a lot of pressure at work, the long shifts and stress on the interns is unreal, I know, I lived it for a year as a surgical intern and it was the toughest year of my life."

"So what do we do now?"

"I want to get her into a treatment program.  I will talk to her when she wakes up and see if I can convince her.  If not then I guess the next step is to go to her boss and get him to help."

"Before you go to her boss, let me talk to her.  I am going to be on the next plane, okay?  Where is Lucy now?"

"My place.  She's sleeping now, but she was pretty wired when I saw her just before she came home."

"Came home?  Is she living with you?"

"Not officially, but she does spend a lot of time here.  She has keys, she often stays at my apartment whether I am home or at work."

"10 months.  You have been dating my daughter for almost 10 months.  That is a while."

"Uh huh, it is.  And I'm sorry that you didn't know, that we couldn't tell you when I met you, but...it could have caused a lot of issues for both of us with our careers.  It was difficult, and I guess you could still make a complaint against me and get me fired."

"If I thought you had taken advantage of my daughter, or that it was just about sex, I might do that.  But, I know that is not the case, so I have no intention of ratting you out, or making a complaint.  Lucy loves you, she says so all the time, and I can play along with the party line.  I know you are open about it work now, so I will pretend that it has been only a couple months."

"Thank you.  I appreciate it, you know."

"Hm, well, wouldn't do to get my future son in law fired now would it."

Carter had to smile at that one.  "Mm, I think we have a ways before rings and marriage get into this picture, Lucy needs to get through her internship before we even start talking about that one."

"Not something you have talked about with her?"

"Not yet.  We haven't been together even a year, and I don't want to rush.  Marriage to me is a really big step, and...my parents don't have a very good one so I want to make sure that it is the right thing for both of us.  She has a long road in front of her with residency.  She is obviously feeling the pressure, and putting more on her right now is not what I would consider the best idea.  If she is relying on drugs right now, even more reason to not talk about getting more serious at the moment."

"Wow, you have thought about this haven't you.  So, John, let me know how the talk goes, but I will be there as soon as I can find a flight."

"Call my travel agent.  She can always get a flight, just tell her that I gave you her name and she will help you out."  Carter gave Barbara the agents name and phone number then hung up.  He was exhausted and needed to get some sleep.  He placed everything back into her bag aside from the Ritalin which he tucked away.

He finally got to bed at 9 am, knowing he was going to pay for the lack of sleep later.  He lay awake for a long time, just watching Lucy peacefully breathing beside him, knowing she was going to be livid, but nothing he could do about it.  He finally fell asleep.

Lucy woke up several hours later, thinking she was alone in the bed.  Usually John was cuddled up to her if he was asleep.  She rolled over to find he was there, but on his own side for a change.  She thought he must have been really tired last night, but she didn't even hear him come to bed.  She moved closer to him, snuggling back down into the bed, enjoying the fact they were both here, even if it was only for a short while.  She knew he was back at work tonight, while she was off until tomorrow morning at 7am.  He would be off shift only a short while before she started, so it would be a couple days before they were together again.

His arms pulled her in close, then he sighed and drifted off again.  Lucy noted it was only noon, so he had probably only slept for a few hours.  As had she, but she was finding it harder and harder to sleep these days.  She closed her eyes, just enjoying being near John for a while.

She finally got up, dragging from fatigue.  She went to pick up her bag from where she had dropped it by the door, digging into the bottom for her pills.  She was sure she had put them back in but, was having no luck finding them.  She started hauling stuff out, panicking now, she couldn't function without them at this point. 

"Looking for something?"  John's voice was soft, though it carried across easily to where she had now dumped her bag out, frantically digging through the few things, knowing they were gone.

She looked over at him.  "Uh, nope, it's fine."

"You aren't looking for these?" 

Lucy felt sick suddenly.  She lifted her head slowly, she could hear the clunk of the bottle as it hit the counter top. 

"Ritalin Lucy?" His voice was level, but she knew he was angry.

"You snooped in my stuff?" She countered, immediately irritated that he had found them.

"You said you had stopped taking them, months ago. You lied to me. How could you lie to me Luce." Carter was incredibly disappointed, and Lucy could hear it in his voice.

"John. I...really did stop, and then once I started my internship it got really difficult and I am tired all the time. I needed them."

Carter ran his hands through his hair and shook his head.

"No, Lucy you don't need them. I got through my internship with Benton no less, with no pharmaceuticals, in surgery. I don't even know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything John. You don't get it. I really do need them, or I can't make it through my shift."

"Lucy, you are a 25 year old woman, you're addicted to them. These are prescribed for kids with ADHD, not to grown women to manage their fatigue because they are doing crazy shifts. They carry significant health risks, especially with extended use. How much are you taking?"

Lucy glowered at him. "None of your business."

Carter crossed his arms. "Really. None of my business? You are my girlfriend Lucy, and you lied to me about stopping taking them, and now you won't tell me how much you take? You've been grouchy off and on, overtired and you are losing weight. Lucy, you're addicted. You need to get help, and you need to stop taking them."

"I'm not addicted, it's fine."

"Right, that's why you were baking cookies at 6am after a 36 hour shift.   Because it's all fine.  We need to get you some help so you can stop taking them."

"No."

"No? Seriously Lucy? Just no?" Carter closed his eyes then sighed. "You know how serious this is? You get it right?"

"No, John. I don't want to stop, I can't make it through the day without them. Please John, I need them."

"Please let me help you with this, you absolutely need to get off them. You can cut down slowly over the next month, but you have to stop. You know being a doctor, that you will be tired sometimes. I am in my 5th year, due to the surgical rotation, and you know, I still get exhausted. Are you saying that you are going to take these for another 4 or 5 years, or however long it takes to finish? You have almost 4 years left of residency, plus the extra if you decide to be a psychiatrist. You are going to kill yourself with these."

"Just for this year John, then I'll stop."

"No Lucy, you have to do it now, it won't get any easier."

"No John, I just can't it's too hard, I've tried, and it's too hard." Lucy was crying now, Carter stepped around the counter and tried to pull her into a hug, to comfort her.

"Don't." She pushed him away.

"Luce." Carter tried again. "Don't. Please let me help you."

"Don't touch me, I don't want you to touch me, I don't want your help. I need them, I am not giving them up, John, I don't care what you say. I'm going home, you are sticking your nose into my business again."

She ran into the bedroom and started to pull on her clothes.

"Lucy, don't do this."

"Don't do what?  Leave my nosy boyfriend who should just mind his own fucking business?  Is that what I shouldn't do?  Leave me alone, if you touch me I'll scream.  If you touch me...I'll tell everyone about us, that you were fucking me when I was your student."

Carter sat on the side of the bed.  "Fine, Lucy, go.  Just...go.  I won't stop you, but you need help, and I wish you would let me do that for you."

"Give me my pills."

"Nope.  Pack your things and go home, but I am not giving you this bottle of pills."  He walked into the bathroom with her following closely.  He opened the cap and tipped the whole bottle into the toilet and flushed them.

"Oh real mature John."  She spat out, livid that he had taken her pills.  She grabbed her bag, shoving her feet into shoes and struggling into her coat.  She was gone in a blink of his eye, down the stairs.

"Well, that went well."  He said to the empty room.  She was out of control and he didn't quite know what he should do next.


	13. Chapter 13

Lucy finally made it back to her apartment, still in tears.  She must have been quite the sight on the L, eyes red and puffy.  And worse she was desperate for one of her pills, but damn him, he flushed them.  Getting into her business again, this was private, he had no right.

She slammed the door behind her, throwing things as the reality hit her.  John had found her out, and she had just left him.  He was angry, disappointed and hurt, she could see all that in his eyes, and it killed her.  But, he had no right to go through her things, so she was just as angry at him. 

Then she had threatened him with their relationship, threatened to out him and he backed off.  His precious damn career, he wanted that more than her.  She curled up on the couch crying.  She was not sure how long she had been there when she felt a hand on her hair and the familiar smell, that soft floral smell.  At first she thought she was dreaming.

"Mom."  She sobbed.  Lucy felt arms go around her, pulling her in.

"Lucy.  Honey, are you okay?"  Her mom's voice soft against her hair as Lucy clung to her. 

"Mom, what are you doing here?  Why are you in Chicago?"  Lucy looked up into her mother's hazel eyes and saw the concern reflected there.  "He called you!  John called you, didn't he?  When did he call you?"

"Early this morning honey.  He is very worried about you."

Lucy sprung up off the couch.  "How could he do that!  How could he call you.  He told you, didn't he.  The rat bastard."

"Yes, Lucy, he told me.  He told me everything, that you have been lying to him, that you have been lying to me.  You have been dating him for 10 months and lying to me about it, and you have been taking Ritalin again.  Lucy, you need to stop."

"No, no, I can't.  He should not have told you, I knew I couldn't trust him.  I'm going to bury him, get his ass fired.  You know we were having sex when I was his student?  Did he tell you that?  That he could lose his job for fucking me while I was a student?"

"Lucy, you stop it right now, I don't ever want to hear language like that coming out of your mouth.  That is no way to treat someone you have just spent the last several months telling me you love so much you want to marry him.  He sure didn't do the whole inappropriate dating thing on his own did he?  Take responsibility and you keep that to yourself.  If you ruin his career, I guarantee you will regret it.  You may be angry now, but if you get him fired, it will come back to haunt you, and you will lose him forever.  He loves you, he is worried about you, and he wants to help you."

Barbara knew at this point the drugs were talking, but she wanted to protect John too.  He was way out on a limb and the branch was cracking.  She needed to make Lucy see that destroying the man she loved was wrong, no matter how angry she was at this moment, if she ruined his life, she would regret it forever.  That he might be able to forgive her for the lying and the drugs, but if she buried him with accusations of sexual misconduct, he would never be able to trust her again.  It was wrong for them to be involved, but she knew her daughter, and she could already see that Lucy had an awful lot to do with them being together and playing victim was not something she was going to allow Lucy to get away with.

"Yeah, he runs to my mommy.  Very mature."

"Lucy, stop it.  He called me because he was worried, and he knows you.  He knew he couldn't handle this on his own and he reached out to me for help.  No matter what happens, you know he loves you."

Lucy shook her head.  "No.  He doesn't.  He dumped them all down the toilet, told me fine, I could go, he let me leave him."  Lucy burst into tears again.

Barbara sighed again. This was complicated for sure. Lucy absolutely needed to stop the Ritalin, she was 25 years old and had been on and off the stuff for years. Lying to John was a sign it was out of control, and he had recognized it and told her she needed help. Lucy with her stubbornness had pushed him away, though he knew it was coming.  As soon as Lucy had left his apartment, he had called Barbara and let her know she was heading back to her own apartment.  John knew her daughter pretty well, that was for sure.

"How did it go?"  Barbara was anxious and had picked up her phone right away when the call came in.

"Not good.  She told me to mind my own business, but not quite so nicely as that, and she threatened my job, and she ran out of here.  After I dumped her pills in the toilet.  So, she is not my biggest fan right now.  She is on her way back to her apartment."

"She loves you, John.  She'll be back once she calms down, don't worry."

"I hope so, I hope she can forgive me for this, but she needs help, I can't watch her destroy herself.  I've been there and I can't do it again.  I am going to arrange a treatment center, I can get that information easily through work and get her a bed.  She is going to start to withdraw, and you need to be prepared for it, I will make sure we have someone who can take care of her right away."

"John, why don't you?  Go take care of her?"

"No, I really can't.  It needs to be someone neutral, I just...I really can't." 

Barbara could hear his voice choke up, and she knew there were things she would have to ask him at some point.  Right now though, they were going to take care of Lucy.

"What if she locks the door and I can't get in?"

"I have a set of keys for her apartment, I'll meet you at the little cafe across the street and give them to you."

He had met her in the coffee shop across the street.  Barbara had walked up and wrapped him up in a hug, and he automatically hugged her back.  They sat and talked for a few minutes, Carter was surprised at how warm she was to him, how she hugged him.  He was really not used to that coming from a parent, his were always so formal and he had not really met a lot of his girlfriends parents.  It never lasted long enough to get into 'meet the family'.

"Keys.  Are you going to be okay with her?  I have a shift at 6pm but I can try and get it covered if you need me?"

"No, I can handle Lucy, I have your pager, I'll page you if I need you.  Call me later and I will fill you in on how it goes."

She gave him another warm hug and a kiss on the cheek, then he went to County.  He was not on for a while but he went up to Psych as DeRaad was expecting him.

"John, you have something for me?"

"Yes, can we talk privately?"

"Sure."

They shut themselves up in Carl's office.

"Lucy is going to need some time off, you said you could make that work?"

"I can.  Please fill me in if you could."

"Can we keep this between us?  I don't want it all over the hospital, the rumor mill here is deadly."

"I know, and I will do my best to keep it under wraps.  This should be confidential anyways, John, it is very personal medical information, and I will treat it as such."

"I called her mom, she flew in today, and we are going to get her into a treatment center.  She is using Ritalin, abusing it actually.  Somehow she has a prescription but I am pretty sure it is causing all the issues we have been seeing.  I am not sure how long they are going to want to keep her, so it might be up to 3 months."

Carl nodded.  "That fits.  You're positive?"

"Yes, I found the pills in her bag, and confronted her with them.  She was very upset, so I am glad her mom was already on the way out.  She is with her mom now, and I have a contacted a treatment center, they will take her today.  I told her mom what to watch for as well if she starts to withdraw."

"Does she have the pills now?"

"Nope, I took them and wasted them, they went down the toilet.  No way was I letting her take them, but it means she needs to get in right away for treatment.  She wouldn't tell me how many she was taking, but I did a pill count and checked the prescription date so I have a pretty fair idea of what she was taking daily.  She was taking way more than directed for sure."

"Okay, well, sounds like you have it under control, but Mrs. Knight is welcome to call me anytime.  I will give Lucy a medical leave and she can come back whenever she is ready.  If she refuses to go in for treatment, I will have a sit down with her."

Carter headed down for his shift, making a quick call on the way.  It seemed Lucy was calmed down a bit but  was still not willing to check into a clinic.  He updated Barbara that Lucy could have medical leave from work if that helped.

Carter dove into his shift, trying to focus on work.  He kept his pager close, but was surprised when Lucy showed up in the ER a few hours in.  Stormed in was more like it.  He saw her coming and excused himself from his patient, hoping to get her into an exam room before she blew up, but he was not quite quick enough.

"How could you do that!"  Lucy was incensed, almost screaming at him.  "How could you!"

"Lucy, stop, please.  Let's talk privately"  Carter tried to get her into an exam room but she wouldn't budge. 

"I trusted you, and you talked to Carl?  And you phoned my mom?  I hate you."  She hissed.  "I hate you, don't come near me ever.  We are so over."  She reached up and yanked off the heart pendant he had given her for Valentine's and threw it at him, then turned and stalked out.  Carter could feel the eyes on him and he simply walked away, finding an empty exam room and shutting the door.  Wow, that was bad, now everyone was going to be asking him and talking about this.  He had really hoped to keep this private, but now everyone was going to know.

He sat for a while on the edge of the gurney, his head in hands, trying not to break down, before he heard a knock on the door. 

"John, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, fine Kerry, just great." 

Kerry could hear the sarcasm in his voice and could also tell he was pretty upset, and she knew that he was going to be bombarded the minute he came out.  He looked stressed out, and the very public breakup was going to be major gossip.

"I think we can cover for you.  Go home, deal with whatever is going on and we will see you in a couple days.  I know you are off for 3 days after tonight's shift?"

She held out her hand, dangling the pendant and chain, Carter reached out and took it.  He had not even stopped to pick it up, he had felt so numb.  He tucked it in his pocket, he could give it back to her later.  He felt his heart almost stop, Lucy had given everyone a real clue, if anyone put it together, they would realize she'd gotten this necklace from 'Eric', months ago, and she had just thrown it back at _him_.

He didn't want to look at Kerry, but he finally did, and he knew, she had definitely clued in.  Well, Lucy was keeping her promise, she was going to bury him.  She was well on her way to getting him fired.

"Yes.  Thanks Kerry, I think I will go, I just cannot deal with the rumor mill right now, and the questions and all of that.  I have a few things to take care of anyways."

Kerry nodded and then peeked out.  "Fairly clear, we had a trauma come in and admit is empty aside from Jerry.  Go get your stuff and get out of here quick."

Carter left quickly, ignoring Jerry entirely and grabbing his coat and bag from his locker.  Once he was clear of County, he found a little neighborhood pub and went in.  He was exhausted and just needed a drink.  He sat at the bar and ordered a couple shots.  He sat for a while, watching the game that was being televised and simply thinking about how yesterday she loved him and now she hated him.

His phone started to trill.  "Hi Barbara."

"Are you okay?  She took off before I could stop her."

"She totally lost it in the middle of the ER, so much for keeping this discreet and private.  I didn't want anyone to know she was going to a clinic, but now people know something major is up with her."

"Carl called me and said Lucy was in, she yelled at him too.  But he got her to agree to check in to the treatment center so he is driving her over there now.  She loves you John, don't give up on her quite yet."

"Yeah, she sure sounded like it when she was telling me how much she hates me and that she never wants to see me again."

"Where are you?  Still at work?"

"No, my boss took pity on me and let me leave, so I am just in a little pub."

"Can I join you?  I am just sitting around over here.  I'll come over."

Carter gave her the name and address as he felt someone sit beside him.

"Carter, that was a great show earlier.  What did you do to the little Mrs to piss her off?"

"Fuck off Malucci."

"Oh come on, first you deny you are even seeing her, then its true love, then she loses it on you in the ER.  So you been screwing around?  You being a dog, Carter?"

"Look Dave, if I wanted to share it sure the hell would not be with you.  Please, just leave me alone.  You have no idea what is going on so, really, fuck off."

Carter got up and moved to one of the last empty booths.  Malucci looked like he was thinking of following him, but Barbara Knight arrived about that time and joined him.  Malucci was watching him, he knew, but he didn't care.  He stood up and gave her a quick hug before she slid into the booth.  He was sure that rumors would abound over this too, but nothing he could do about it.

They both ordered drinks, then Barbara waded in, she wanted to get to know who John Carter actually was, he had been dating her daughter for close to a year and all she knew was that he was a doctor and loved her daughter.

"Lucy is checking herself in as we speak.  Fortunately she has some insurance at the hospital that will help offset the cost, it is pretty expensive that place."

"Oh yeah, uh, don't worry I can help cover the extra costs."

"John, I can't ask you to do that, you are a resident as well, you must have student loans and stuff to pay."

Carter shrugged.  "No, I'm okay, I picked the place because it seemed to have the best program.  I don't have student loans or anything so I could help you cover it, no problem.  I knew it was expensive and that you probably could not afford it on your own."

Barbara gave him a good once over.  He was well dressed and well mannered, he apparently lived in a nice area, though Lucy had not been that forthcoming yet about his family.

"So where did you go to medical school, here in Chicago?"

"I did my undergrad at University of Pennsylvania, then came back here for med school.  I grew up in Chicago, its home and my family really wanted me to be here."

"I didn't think you were that close with your parents."

"Uh, no, they aren't home much, well hardly at all in fact.  They travel a lot for business.  My grandparents are here though and they paid for med school so they had a bit of a say in where I went."

"Your grandparents, well, that was generous of them."

"I suppose it was, yes, it makes it nice, not having loans."

"So what made you become a doctor?"

"My brother actually.  He...died when I was 10, but the doctors were really great and it made me want to be a doctor too.  It was all I ever wanted to do, and well, finally I am."

"I am so sorry John, that must have been difficult, how old was he?"

"He was 12, he had leukemia, AML which is a pretty serious form, hard to treat, especially back then.  Anyways, a very long time ago."

"Do you have other siblings?"

"A half sister, her name coincidentally, is Barbara too.  She's not around much, she lives in Paris."

"Wow, Paris.  And I will never forget her name.  What does your dad do?"

"Oh, he manages some investment funds for our family. My mom is usually with him."

Barbara was not sure what to make of that...investment funds for his family?

John asked her a few questions about her job, and a few about Lucy growing up.  Barbara liked him even more than when she first met him.  He was articulate, and extremely intelligent.  A great match for her daughter, if Lucy hadn't totally discouraged him.

"John, I really hope you won't give up on my daughter.  How are you feeling about everything, what are you thinking?"

"Well, I know she is pretty stubborn so I don't know how this is going to pan out.  I thought I might give her a bit of time to calm down, get settled and then find out if I can go see her.  I am not going to hold today against her, if that is what you are wondering."

"What about the fact she was abusing a drug, does that...bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me, but not the way you might think.  I wanted to help her, but she didn't want me to for whatever reason.  And I have dealt with addiction in my own family, so I understand it a bit.  I haven't stopped loving her, and once she starts getting better then maybe she will forgive me for ratting her out?  See that I did it because I can't go through watching her destroy herself?  I'll give her a bit of time to deal with things and I guess we go from there.  She may not want to get back together, I really don't know."

"You would take her back."

"Of course I would.  You don't stop loving someone because they have a problem, you help them.  No one would ever stay married if you stopped loving the person because of one thing.  My hard limit would be...infidelity, but beyond that, I think most things you can work through.  More important to me is that she wants and tries to get better.  I know that a good part of today was the withdrawal, she's exhausted and hasn't been sleeping well.  She's angry, I get that, she might feel a bit betrayed because I called you and I talked to her boss behind her back.  But maybe she will see that it wasn't malicious, I did it because I care about her."

"You still love her."

"Yes, she hasn't done anything to make me stop loving her."

"Why did you back off so fast, why didn't you want to be there if she was going into withdrawal?"

"I don't want to be the one treating her.  I shouldn't be the one treating her.  I can't be objective, and that is dangerous when it comes to making snap medical decisions.  Of course if it was an emergency and there was no one else, I would, but we had the luxury of setting this up so she could get right into proper care and counseling."

"What experience did you have with addiction in your family?"

Carter took a breath and looked at Barbara for a moment.

"My cousin Chase, he was hooked on Heroin."

"Is that why you did it?  Why you made the call you did?"

"Absolutely.  I learned my lesson, Chase came in to the hospital one time, with what he called a spider bite.  He said he was up at the Vineyard and was taking in some wood.  I found out soon after he was actually skin popping and it got infected.  Anyways, I tried to get him to go to a treatment center and he refused to go.  I ended up helping him detox with the help of a good friend of mine, who was another doctor and she had experience with it."

"Did it work?"

"For a while, but then he started using again, and ended up at a party.  They used some bad street drugs and he overdosed.  They brought him into the ER, down an unknown amount of time.  We got him back, but now...he is just a shell of who he was and I wish I had let him go in peace.  He was incredibly talented, an artist, he did photography, painting and sketching, but he was pressured into the family business.  It may have been why he started drugs?  I don't know for sure, he just said he was bored.  So, now I know, I can't get involved in treating someone where I have the emotional connection, my judgement was really off that day, and boy did I pay for it."

Barbara reached over and took his hand.  She had been curious, but also a little dismayed he had backed off so fast with Lucy, but now she understood.  He was terrified of making a serious judgement error and hurting her daughter.

"John, I am so sorry about your cousin.  You were close with him?"

"Until I went to med school and had to be out of State,  Yes, we were very close.  We went to the same boarding school, we spent a of time together as kids.  He is about the same age as me, we are only a year apart and it is painful to see someone who had such a bright future lose everything.  Sure he's alive, but everything he lived for he can no longer do.  He can barely talk, he can't dress himself, and he sure can't hold a pencil or a camera.  I'm a realist, I see stuff like this every day, but it is different when you know the person as well as I knew Chase."

Barbara listened closely to him.  Boarding school?  And she could see he had a real sense of guilt over his cousin.

"Your family must be devastated.  His parents, I feel for them too."

"Yeah, right.  My grandparents blamed me, and I think they truly were devastated.  His parents?  I have no idea, they were in Singapore at the time and didn't come back for months.  He was in a coma for a while and they figured if he wasn't awake there was no point.  I honestly don't know how much they see him.  I visit him when I can, I try to see him at least every few days, and I miss who he was."

Barbara frowned at this.  This was very enlightening, that was for sure.  She took a breath, she wanted to outright ask him but she was a little scared to find out more about his family.

Carter was watching her, and he knew she was a very intuitive and smart woman.  He had dropped some clues and she was dying to ask him, but he could tell she was hesitating.

"Barbara, you can ask.  What did you want to know?"

She started at this direct question.  He didn't miss much, he was observant, thoughtful and even more intelligent than she had given him credit for, she could see that now.

"I guess I don't want to be nosy, but...I want to know more about your family.  It seems like your upbringing has been far from average."

"Ah, yeah.  Well, my family is extremely wealthy, so my life has been far from underprivileged.  I went to private boarding school after my brother died, my family paid for my entire education, and my grandparents run a private charitable foundation.  They support a lot of the arts in Chicago actually,  The Carter Family Foundation is the entity, and there has been enormous pressure for me to drop medicine and join the family business."

"Which is?"

"Helping run the Foundation.  Go to charity events, fundraising, that kind of stuff.  Which I refuse to do, because it would bore me silly, I am not a sit in the office and play golf kind of guy.  I love what I do.  I don't need to work, but I like to, working at County is my way of giving back.  There are far nicer hospitals in town where I could work, or I could open a private practice, I could easily fund that, but I don't want to remove hang nails for high maintenance society girls.  That seems like a complete waste of my years of medical training."

Carter was watching her, and he could see she was floored.  She'd had no idea, obviously Lucy had not said a word to her.

"Does Lucy know about your family?"

"Sure.  Not the full extent maybe, it is a bit out of her field of reference, so to speak, but she knows that I come from old money.  A lot of people at County know my family has money, but they can't really fathom it, they don't know how much or what it's like to grow up as a Chicago Carter."

"So millionaires?"

"Many times over.  I don't know the extent of my family's holdings, to be honest, though I know it's a lot.  And I don't much care either.  The life gets...too big I guess is the best way to put it.  I grew up with nannies, maids, cooks and butlers, extensive travel, private schooling.  My first car was a limo.  But it can be really empty too, my parents were never around, they still aren't, they don't come back for the holidays all that often.  I like the way I live now, I don't want for anything, but I also don't feel the need to live in a mansion.  One day when I have a family, I don't want to send my kids off to boarding school at age 11, I want to actually be part of their lives."

"Wow.  I really can't fathom that either.  We never had much, but we were happy, even through all our struggles.  I'm sorry your parents are so absent from your life, John.  That must be difficult."

He shrugged.  "It is just the way it is.  I'm used to it, they haven't been much of a factor in my life, my brother died and I went to boarding school shortly after that.  I lived with them for a while during med school and I spent a bit of time at home during the summers but mostly I was at school or traveling.  That is one advantage I have had, I have traveled a lot and I have some fun hobbies, like riding and sailing, though not so much now as I don't have the time to do it very often."

"I have to say, I am impressed with your attitude.  You seem very down to earth, you lived a very low key life for someone who has access to that kind of wealth.  I really do hope my daughter gets her head out and can see who you are, and that she can get past everything.  I think she will, once she gets her head clear."

"It will be up to her.  Maybe she won't want me back, I don't know, but for now the door is open on my side.  I can give her time to get better, some things you can't rush.  I think I mentioned, I want to be sure before I make a permanent commitment, this might be the make or break point.  If she can't forgive me, then we will know it was never right to begin with."

Barbara was a bit floored, the guy was pretty sure of himself in some ways, but she could also feel the undercurrent, the uncertainty, the fear that Lucy would walk away from him.  Her daughter would be an absolute fool to give up this man, of that she was certain.  Not because he was wealthy, but because he seemed to be a truly good, loving person, so opposite to what she pictured a young man with unimaginable wealth to be.  Someone who would treat her daughter well, take care of her, and make sacrifices for her.  He already was, he had put his career on the line to love her daughter, and he still might end up paying for it.

At the end of the day, she was going to do what she could to make her daughter see the folly of walking away, help her get better and hope at the end of the day, she would make the right choices.


	14. Chapter 14

Three days later Carter walked back into the ER, feeling a bit like a bug under glass.  He had been up to see Carl DeRaad for a quick chat first.

"John, good to see you, how are you holding up?" Carl shut his door.

"Okay I guess.  It is tough, and I have my first shift back after the lovely little scene the other day, so it should be a ton of fun."

"Yes, the rumour mill is running at full speed still, so be aware. And it has been noticed that Lucy is not at work, so it is even worse.  As far as everyone knows, she is just on leave, I haven't said medical leave, just that she needed personal time.  There are a few other rumors going around, so be careful what you say, I would just plead the 5th right now."

"Ah...right, okay.  I think the less said the better right now.  I don't want people to get the wrong impression of our relationship, I love her, plain and simple."

"I know, and she will see that when she gets her head on straight.  She was less than complimentary on our drive out to the treatment center, but I know you did this for all the right reasons."

"Thanks.  Her mom is keeping me up to date, Lucy won't authorize me to have any access to her records, so I have to wait for Barbara call me."

"You've made quite the impression on mom.  She is totally on your side you know."

"Well, at least someone is."

"A lot more people than you think are on your side, John.  I am not going to say a word about anything.  I know more than I should, Lucy was a bit vocal in the car, but I am not going to hang you.  You did the right thing for someone you obviously love and at some point she will see that."

John knew that Lucy had outed him to DeRaad, and it disappointed him, she wanted this relationship and now the chips were down and she was trying to bury him.  It hurt, he was deeply hurt by how she was treating him now, and his heart ached, he should have known better than to trust her.  He should have cut if off right away and now he was going to pay.

"Thanks, I don't know if it will make a difference, if Lucy wants to ruin my career I guess she could."

DeRaad could see the pain this was putting the young doctor through, it was not a relationship he should have had, but it was clear that it was never just sex.  If Carl thought that it was, he would definitely be reporting him, but this was obviously so much more than that, and he hope Lucy realized it before she destroyed someone she loved.  The fact that they had been together close to a year in a very tight relationship made him want to help, not hinder.

Carter glanced at his watch then got up.  "I have to get to work, wish me luck."

"I am here if you need to talk, anything you say to me will be confidential."

"Thank Carl."

Carter slung his stethoscope around his neck, then ventured out to admit.  Luka nonchalantly handed off some patients to him.

"You okay Carter?  Call me if you need to talk, I hate all this gossip bullshit that is going on."

Luka gave him a quick touch on the shoulder before going on his way.  He knew at least one person was on his side, which was surprising, he didn't know the Croatian doctor that well, though he knew he had gone through some horrible things, losing his family tragically.

Malucci was another matter though.

"Carter.  Nice to see you finally decide to come back."

"What?  I had my regular days off, Dave.  I am here for my shift."

"So...you and Lucy..."  Dave trailed off as Carter picked up some charts and walked off, totally ignoring him. 

It seemed to work, he simply ignored the innuendo and buried himself in patients, ran a few traumas and pretended everything was normal.  It mostly did the trick, until Chuny cornered him in the lounge.

"I told you not to screw it up, Carter.  And what did you do?  Where is she anyways, she hasn't been in for several days."

Carter shrugged.  "You'll have to ask her when she gets back I guess."  He poured a coffee and turned to walk out.

"Carter.  I'm on your side you know, I haven't said anything to anyone about what I know.  Weaver asked me and I said I had no idea what she was referring to, she noticed the necklace thing.  That Lucy 'returned' it to you, even though it supposedly came from Eric."

"Thanks Chuny, you'll understand if I just say 'no comment'.  Carter gave her a faint smile and went back to work.  By the end of his shift he was exhausted, he had worked hard, trying not to have any free time, keeping away from talking to anyone.  It was painful, having to guard himself every moment at work, feeling judged, knowing he couldn't relax for even a second.

To make it worse, Lucy didn't want anything to do with him.  She refused to see him, she wouldn't talk to him at all.  He knew that helping her had come at a cost, he had lost her, and it was becoming very clear to him.  And after finding out she really was going to sink him career wise, he wasn't sure they had anything left anyways.

The end of his shift was getting close when Kerry caught up with him. 

"Dr. Carter.  I need a few minutes of your time." 

Kerry was being very formal with him and he was pretty sure what was coming.  He followed her into the lounge which was fortunately empty.

"Dr. Carter.  There have been some allegations, and I unfortunately have to give you this."  Kerry pulled out an envelope and handed it to him.  "You are on suspension, pending investigation into your relationship with Dr. Knight."

"Right."  He walked over and opened his locker, emptying it of everything, it all went into his bag. 

"Nothing to say?"  Kerry was watching him closely.

"What do you want me to say?  I don't have any comment, I'll talk to my legal representative and deal with it through the proper channels."

Kerry nodded, he was a smart guy, he knew when to keep his mouth shut.  The truth was, there were rumours and innuendo, but nothing concrete.  She had spoken to DeRaad, he shrugged and said as far as he knew they had started seeing each other some weeks after she graduated.  Chuny who was the gossip queen and knew everything it seemed, was surprisingly tight lipped, saying she didn't know a thing.  Kerry had even had a discussion with Mark Greene about it.

"Come on Mark, did you not notice anything?"  Kerry was prodding him, both hoping he might know something, but also kind of hoping he would deny everything.  She liked Carter, he was a great doctor, and it was obvious even if he had been involved with Lucy that it was mutual and not just an affair.

"No, I can't say that I did.  Except for the fact that they always seemed at odds when she was in the ER, I did talk to them about getting along better, but you know she can be stubborn, and they clashed quite a bit.  I was surprised when I found out they were dating."  Mark was surprised that was true, but he was not going to say just when he found out they were dating or how.  It could be his ass on the line too, and he didn't think Carter would say anything.  Lucy...she was a bit of a loose canon right now, but nowhere to be seen.

Carter slipped on his coat and left the ER without another word.  He could feel the anguish in his soul, he was losing everything.  Why oh why had he not turned and walked out that door when he had the chance.  Why had he trusted her, she was just like every other woman he had been with, in the end they crushed him.  He had vowed to keep his heart protected this time, and he'd failed miserably.  He'd hoped he found the one woman who he could trust but she had proven him wrong.

He dropped his bag into his Jeep and drove home.  He went in, changing into some casual clothes then decided he couldn't sit around and found himself in his neighborhood pub.  His phone had been ringing constantly but he avoided the calls.  He felt someone beside him and turned his head slightly, before signalling for another shot.

"Mark."

"Carter.  Kerry told me she suspended you."

"Uh huh."  He tipped back the shot and ran his hands through his hair.

"What are you going to do?"

"Keep my mouth shut.  That is the best advice, say nothing and make her prove it."

"Wise.  Who knows for sure about the two of you?"

"Well, you, of course, DeRaad because Lucy told him, but he is playing dumb, Chuny, but she has promised to keep it to herself and so far appears she has, and Lucy's mom, but I don't think she is going to say anything.  As far as I know that's it."

"Wow, her mom is going to play along?  How did you manage that?"

Carter shrugged.  "She just...I guess she sees that it was mutual and I didn't coerce her or anything.  It was one of those things, it happened, and now she is going to bury me."

"Why though.  What happened between the two of you to make her turn on you?"

Carter sighed.  He didn't want to get into it, but he felt he could trust Mark, he had been on his side for a while.  He certainly had kept his mouth shut at risk to his own career.

"It's really sensitive Mark, like...incredibly sensitive and you have to swear you will not tell a soul.  If Kerry finds out, or anyone else at the hospital it could have repercussions for Lucy."

"Does DeRaad know what is going on?"

"Yeah, that is part of the problem.  I found out something, and I had to...get DeRaad involved, and Lucy's mom.  So, Lucy is pissed at me, in a big way, it is undoubtedly over between us, but I didn't have a choice.  I couldn't just stand by and do nothing."

"What did you find out?"

Carter shook his head.  "Do you really want to know?  Can you keep it quiet?"

"I promise, we are in this one together you know.  I am keeping my mouth shut too, Kerry asked me about the two of you.  To be frank, she has nothing, she is fishing right now, simply because the rumor is out there and she needs to appear to be investigating it.  I think if you keep your mouth shut then it will blow over and you will be back to work before you know it.  You two were very discreet."

"Yeah we were.  I don't think Lucy told anyone, she didn't even tell her own mother, and I didn't tell anyone in my family either.  So, she was...using a prescription drug, but she started abusing it and I saw the signs.  I knew I couldn't just watch her go downhill, so I took matters into my own hands.  She felt betrayed because I involved her mom and DeRaad, but we have kept it all quiet.  She is in a treatment center now, DeRaad got her to check in, but she was really angry.  She said she was going to bury me for ratting on her.  And I guess now she is getting her wish."

"Damn, Carter.  That is nothing like the rumors going around.  Everyone thinks you cheated on her or something."

"Well, let them think that, I don't care.  Either way, we're done.  She won't see me and to be honest, I am not sure how I feel about her at the moment.  She pursued the relationship, she swore she would say nothing, and now...she is going after my career.  10 months, Mark, and she suddenly is someone I don't know, she has turned on me, and...I can only hope she decides to drop the matter.  I am not going to say anything about you knowing, no matter what, but she might.  I can't promise she won't, and if she does, I am really sorry.  She could take out all three of us, me, you, and DeRaad if she really wanted to."

"Her mom won't say anything?"

"No, I won't say anything."  The soft feminine voice cut into their conversation.

Both men looked over and Barbara Knight was standing there.

"I heard what happened, John, I am so sorry."  Barbara Knight reached out and gave Carter a hug.  "My daughter has really messed things up."

Mark was watching in total surprise, how close Mrs. Knight seemed to be to Carter.

"We should move to a booth, obviously people can hear what we are saying."  Mark motioned to one of the booths towards the back.

"No, I was right behind you before I could hear anything.  But yes, lets move."

Carter ordered her a drink then they all moved to the booth.

"Barbara, this is Dr. Mark Greene.  He works with me at County."

"Dr. Greene, Lucy has mentioned you before.  Nice to meet you."

"Please call me Mark.  So how is Lucy doing?"

"Okay, she is working through things, and I am hoping she can get over all of this before she goes back to work.  The good thing at this point is visitation is restricted.  And no one really knows where she is, only Carl DeRaad, myself and John, so we can hopefully contain things."

"You are awfully calm about all of this."  Mark was a bit curious.

"Well, I know my daughter, Mark.  She is strong willed and stubborn, and I think she will see the light soon.  She was hurt of course, but I know John did what he had to do to help her, and I know she wasn't coerced into anything she didn't want to do. She walked in with her eyes open, and for her to try and say otherwise is wrong.  She is not a bad person, she is just very confused right now."

"I see. Well, we will hope.  Unfortunately when relationships end, this is what happens sometimes."  Mark knew how it could end, he went through a lot with Jenn when they divorced.

"How did you find out?"  Carter asked Barbara outright.

"Carl phoned me, and I took a chance that you would be here.  I wanted to make sure you knew that I am still saying nothing.  Lucy told me that you started dating after she graduated and that is what I will say if anyone asks.  And I wanted to make sure you were okay, I know this whole thing has been hard on you too."

"Thank you.  I don't know how I deserve to have you on my side, but I am grateful."

"You didn't have to be honest with me, and I appreciate that you were.  You took a big risk to help Lucy, and I can never really repay you for that, my daughter is causing you nothing but heartache and trouble.  I thought I raised her better than that, and I am very sorry for what she is doing to you.  It's simple, I know if I play any part in ruining your career, I will never forgive myself, and I think in hindsight Lucy will regret what she has done.  She just needs time to get there, it has only been a few days."

Carter nodded.  "Well still, I appreciate it Barbara, I know at the end of the day I was in the wrong, and now people could end up paying for my mistake.  I could throw myself under the bus, but in doing so I would take some innocent bystanders with me.  It would also taint Lucy's career, but she doesn't seem to understand that she does not want that in her file."

Barbara put her hand on his arm.  "John when did you eat last?'

"Um, I don't know, I'm not really hungry."

Both Mark and Barbara could see the alcohol was hitting him, and he looked exhausted and stressed out.  Barbara ended up ordering a few sides for them to share, and she noted he picked a bit but didn't really eat anything.  This was all taking a toll, her daughter had really messed things up, and she was not at all sure that John was going to take her back at the end of this.

Lucy meanwhile was fuming in the rehab center.  She sat dully on the chair, wondering how she got here.  Everything had been going so well, she was in love with John, DeRaad was happy with her work, and now, it was all gone.  Damn him, he had betrayed her in the worst way, telling her mom, telling her boss?  How could he do that to her?

She didn't really want to be here, but DeRaad had not given her much of a choice.  It was either rehab, or she could end up suspended from work.  He said he would not allow her to work with patients if he thought she was impaired in any way.  He also said he had noticed some odd behavior from her and had approached John, who had also noticed things.

That was why he had searched her bag, he and DeRaad were both in on it,  they ganged up on her and it made her angry.  She sat and listened but refused to speak in her group sessions.  She told her therapist what she wanted to hear from her.  She knew the game, she was a Psych major, she was not easy to fool.

But John had fooled her, she thought he loved her, and he had betrayed her.  She was not a vindictive person, but what he had done, being involved with her was wrong.  She pushed aside the knowledge that she had begged him to take the chance, that she had loved him beyond reason.  She was holding tight to her anger.

She knew he had asked to see her, but she refused.  If she looked into his eyes, she would come undone.  Damn it, she loved him, but he'd hurt her and she couldn't deal with it.  She'd had boyfriends, but no one she'd ever loved like John Carter.

"Lucy?" 

She shook off her thoughts and lifted her head.  The group leader was watching her.

"Lucy, we need you to share, you have been here a week and you have not contributed a thing.  What are you thinking?"

Lucy shrugged.  "How much I hate my boyfriend, for ratting on me."

Sheila nodded.  "What did he do?"

"He snooped in my things, and then he got my boss and my mom involved.  Big high and mighty doctor that he is, he said I had a problem.  I loved him and trusted him and he turned me in."

"And you don't think you have a problem?  Why are you here?"

Lucy snapped her mouth shut, she was rambling.

"Lucy?"

Lucy just shook her head and refused to say any more.

The days here were endless, everyone talking about their feelings, now she knew how her Psych patients felt.  It was funny, she could talk and reason with her patients, but she just didn't want to open up about her own feelings.  The betrayal felt like too much, and it seemed her mom was on his side.  That burned too, the fact that her mom just loved the guy, raved about him.  'Wow Lucy, he is really nice and very cute too'.  Her mom went on and on, which Lucy thought was sweet at first, but now, it just annoyed her.

Finally another day was over and she could go to bed.  Lights out was at 9:30, but she just lay there, not sleeping.  They were not supposed to wander around at night, and to make it worse she had a roommate.  She slept in a single bed, missing the comfort of John's arms, all the while hating him.  She was so confused, how had it come to this.

She started to cry, trying to keep her sniffling quiet.  Her roommate sighed.

"Trying to sleep here."

"Sorry, sorry, I'll try to keep it down."  Lucy muttered back.

Celine was in her group and seemed nice enough, but she had some real problems.  Lucy had been half listening to her spout off earlier in group, and she constantly was talking about her abusive boyfriend.

"So, you're dating a doctor, he's a real jerk huh?"  Celine figured neither of them were going to sleep for a while.

"Yeah, he's an asshole.  He dug around in my bag and found my pills, then dumped them in the toilet. He called my mom and she flew in from out of town, then he went to my boss."

"How did you get hooked?  I've been taking the stuff for years, so it has always been easy to get.  We sometimes grind it up and snort it.  Kind of like Cocaine, just cheaper."

"You snort Ritalin?"

"Yeah, it is a crazy high, you haven't tried it?  We inject it too."

"No, I just take a little extra, sometime 3 times the dosage.  I need it to get through the days, I work long hours sometimes without much for breaks.  You know how bad it is to snort right?  It would actually be safer to snort Cocaine than Ritalin.  It has all these fillers in it that could damage your lungs.  And injecting it is worse."

"What, are you some sort of drug guru?  Since when?"

"Since always.  I know a lot about prescription drugs, and it is really dangerous to snort it.  That's why I just ingest the pills."

"My doctor said it can still cause heart problems even if you just take it.  And they were worried when I got pregnant too, I ended up having a miscarriage but they said they don't know what it could do to a baby.  They said they were going to monitor me really closely in case there was damage."

Lucy paused at this comment.  She and John were not planning on kids for a while, but still, if she did get pregnant...it made her shiver at the thought.  Celine was right, they didn't know how it could affect a baby, especially at a high dose.  It was possible, they had sex regularly and were off and on with the condoms.  Mostly off lately though she was still diligent with her pill.

"I'm sorry, about the baby."

"Oh, it happened a while ago now, and to be honest, I don't think my boyfriend is much interested in having kids.  He seemed relieved that I lost the baby.  How about your guy, did you dump him if he is such an asshole?  What is the worst thing he's done to you?"

"Uh, he turned me in for taking Ritalin."

"That's it?  Really?  Does he ever...hit you?"

"No, he's not a violent kind of guy, he's actually really quite sweet most of the time.  Of course we have our moments where we get on each others nerves and fight, but then we have hot make up sex and it's better.  We can always talk after sex."

"Really, wow.  My boyfriend slaps me sometimes, tells me to shut the hell up when I get on his nerves.  I kind of wish I had your boyfriend.  And he's a doctor too?  Does he do anything mean to you at all?"

"Uh.  No?"

"No?  He never swears at you or tells you you're useless?  Mine does all the time."

"No, he is a nice guy most of the time.  We fight, but it is always just words and he never puts me down, it is more when I frustrate him, and because we are both really stubborn.  He is pretty encouraging most of the time.  He helps me study, he is kind of brilliant, like really smart, he was accepted into surgery and did a year as an intern before he decided he didn't like it and changed specialties.  He is a senior resident now, he's almost done."

"Wow, if the worst thing he did was to send you to rehab, then I don't know why you are complaining.  A lot of the girls here have real bastards for boyfriends, or no boyfriends at all.  What does he look like?"

"Mm, he's...really cute actually.  He has these deep brown eyes, and this real thick soft hair, he's kind of adorable, sweet, kind, generous and absolutely fantastic in bed."

"Damn, he's good looking too?  And he's a doctor so he's not a deadbeat either.  Why are you mad at him again?"

"Because he betrayed me, he turned me in and now I am stuck in here.  I am getting behind at work."  Lucy felt her heart flip, why was she so angry at him?

"Do you love him?"

"I did, until he betrayed me."


	15. Chapter 15

Carter ducked quickly as the boom went overhead, it was a hot sunny day and he was out on the water. He hadn't had time for sailing in forever and he'd really missed it. It kept his mind occupied too while he was off work.  It had been a month since Lucy had gone into rehab and he had not heard a word from her. He had stopped calling Barbara for updates as well, he simply didn't want to talk about it anymore.

He hadn't told anyone where he was going, he needed time alone to heal his heart. So he'd packed his bag and decided to kick around the Caribbean, and he'd been down here for three weeks now.  He didn't mind the solitary time, he could clear his head and think. He checked his messages daily, in case there was something important, but they were generally from Lucy's mom, a couple from Mark, one from Luka, which surprised him and Chuny of all people.  Carl DeRaad had called as well, to see how he was doing, which Carter thought was nice, though unnecessary.  He'd not had one call from anyone in his family, he doubted they even knew he was gone. 

He called no one back and the volume of calls was going down, though Barbara checked in daily. He knew she was worried about him, and he decided he would phone her back tonight. It wasn't her fault, and she was a sweet lady.  She was back home, she'd had to go to work again, so she had only talked to Lucy by phone. Apparently Lucy was doing fine in rehab. Terrific, he wished her well.

Lucy had now been in rehab a full month, and her head was starting to clear, she recognized how manic she had become on the Ritalin. Now she was really trying, she'd started listening in group and she was truly hearing how the drug had affected peoples lives, and none for the better. She was also regretted how she'd treated John.  Badly.  She'd treated him very badly, and he may never forgive her.

She had outed him to DeRaad, and she suddenly felt ashamed.  She had pursued him, promised him that she would never tell, and she had blabbed to a senior Attending Physician that she had slept with him while she was a student...his student.  John had every right to be angry with her, she could have already ruined his career.  Did she really want to do that to him?  She loved him, she knew being a doctor was everything to him. He'd worked so hard for years to achieve the goal, and she had destroyed that dream.  Even if he got back to work, he'd probably have to give up on being Chief Resident.

She'd decided it was time to try and talk to him, and she had left him messages every night for a week at his apartment, but he didn't call her back.  She cried herself to sleep every night, knowing he didn't love her anymore. She hadn't talked to her mom for a few days, so she decided it was time to call her too.

She waited until after dinner and then lined up for some time on the phone. "Hi mom."

"Lucy! It's good to hear from you honey. How are you?"

"I'm fine, well, just okay actually. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I wonder if I was too hard on John."

There was a brief silence.

"Mom?"

"Yes Lucy, you were too hard on him."

"He doesn't love me anymore does he? He won't call me back."

"You tried to call him?"

"Yeah, I left quite a few messages on his apartment phone, and he hasn't returned them.  I know he's busy at work, but he could at least let me know he's okay."

"Lucy. He was suspended from work, and I don't think he has been home for a while, I haven't heard from him either."

"Why?" Lucy said softly. "Why was he suspended? Because of me?"

"Yes. They're investigating him, and his career might be done."

Tears dripped down her face. She'd blown it. "DeRaad. I told him about us, and he reported him."

"No, Carl didn't turn him in, it was your dramatic return of a necklace in the middle of the ER that got Dr. Weaver suspicious about how long you two had been seeing each other.  So she started investigating, but I don't know where things are at with it.  John is not in Chicago as far as I can tell, I went to his apartment to see if he was okay and no one was there."

"You went to his place?"

"I found your set of keys and I was worried about him. No one has heard from him, so I have no idea where he is."

"You went into his apartment? Mom, he is not going to like that."

"Lucy, I didn't touch anything, I promise. He's lost a lot in the last month and I wanted him to know he has support."

"I know, mom, I was wrong, I don't know why I threatened him, but I did and it was so very wrong.  I love him, mom and he was right, I had a big problem, but I think I've lost the only man I ever loved.  What if he's not okay."

"Lucy, I'm sure he's fine, he's a grown man, he can take care of himself. You concentrate on getting better okay?"

"Okay. I have to go, my time is up. Please, if you talk to him, tell him I'm sorry and I love him."

"No, those are words you need to say to him yourself, but I will let him know you would like to see him."

"I love you mom." Lucy hung up, now she was really concerned.

Carter dialed Barbara's number, and was rewarded as she answered right away.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Barbara, it's John, how are you?"

"John. I'm good, how are you? And where are you?" She could not keep the relief out of her voice.

 

"Tortola, it's one of the British Virgin Islands. I needed to get away, so I decided to take of a vacation."

"Oh, the Caribbean. Well, I'm glad to hear from you, I have to admit I was getting worried about you."

"I'm fine, thanks for your messages, and sorry for not calling earlier. I needed some time to sort things out in my head."

"Of course, but...please keep in touch okay? It may sound funny, but I do worry, John, you have gone through a lot in the past month and it can't be easy."

"No, it's not easy, but I will be okay. I'm sure things will work out, and it's not like I'm destitute or anything. I'm enjoying the break and being away from Chicago in the wintertime."

"I'm sure you are. John, Lucy was asking about you, she's ready to talk and she hopes you will call her or go see her. She apparently left a bunch of messages on your home phone."

"Mm, I haven't been checking my messages at home, just my cell phone.  She hasn't called my cell phone."  Which made Carter wonder if she really wanted to talk to him, if she did, she knew he had his cell on him all the time, so he suspected it was an act for her mom.  "I won't be home for a while yet, I'm waiting to see if I have a job."

"She's doing a lot better, and I think she's starting to realize a few things." Barbara could tell he was not going to rush back to see Lucy, and she knew her daughter had very likely destroyed the relationship. Outing him to DeRaad was a huge mistake, even if that is not what got him suspended, John knew because DeRaad had told him.

"Good, I'm glad she is getting better. Look I should go, I wanted to let you know that I'm okay. Don't worry about me, I've been managing on my own for a long time."

"John, take care of yourself."

"I will, you too." He hung up quickly.

He dialed again, deciding he should check in with Mark. There was no answer, so he left a message, saying he was fine, and taking a little vacation. 

He dropped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling like he was starting all over again.  He was happy that Lucy was doing well, but he wasn't going to go running home to her. She had shattered his heart, when he had started to really feel like they had something, she had trampled him.  Betrayed him. He was not sure how he would get over it, but he knew he needed to move on with his life.

Lucy waited a couple days then called her mom again. "Mom, have you heard from him?"

"Yes, he called me, he's okay. Just out of town."

"Where did he go? Is he going to come see me?"

"He's out of the country honey, he's somewhere in the Caribbean actually."

"He's on vacation? Are you kidding me?  I'm stuck in here and he is out suntanning?"

"Lucy!  May I remind you that you told him you were so over?  That he was suspended from work because of you, and that you didn't want to talk to him when he was in Chicago and wanting to talk to you?  You shut him out and you're going to complain about where he is and what he's doing?  And, why haven't you tried his cell phone? Tell me...when you were seeing him for those ten months, did you ever actually phone in on the home phone or did you call his cell phone?"

Lucy hesitated. Damn, he had her all figured out. She wanted to talk to him, but she was too scared to actually talk to him. "I only ever called his cell phone.  And you're right, I did tell him...I hated him, and we were so over.  I didn't want to see him or talk to him, I was too angry.  I'm scared, mom, I'm scared of what he is going to say to me and I didn't call his cell phone because I knew he might answer."

"Honey, can you get to a phone where you don't have a time limit?  Any way of doing that? Then you can phone him and have a proper conversation.  I think he needs to feel like...you really want to talk to him.  He is hardly going to get on a plane and rush home after how you have behaved.  He doesn't know what you are going to say to him, maybe you are just going to tell him to go to hell, how would he know."

"You didn't tell him anything then."

"No, I told him you wanted to see him, to talk to him, but nothing else.  It's not my place to tell him what you need to say to him, Lucy. If you love him, if you want him back, then you are going to have to make the effort."

"Okay, okay, you're right. I'll phone and see if he will even agree to talk to me.  I should go, and I will get in line again and see if I can get another few minutes on the phone."

Lucy hung up and dejectedly headed towards the back of the line.

"Lucy." Her therapist Karen beckoned her. "What is the problem?"

Lucy sighed. "I need to get in line again, I need to phone someone and I wish I could have enough time to properly talk to him."

"Who are you calling?"

"The man I love, the man I really hurt when he got me to come here.  I have so much to say, but I don't know if he will even talk to me."  Lucy wiped a tear off her cheek.

Karen took her arm and led her down to an empty room.  She sat Lucy down and pulled out a phone. 

"Take your time, I can give you up to 15 minutes, okay?"

Lucy nodded. "Thank you." She took several deep breaths as Karen left the room then dialed.

Carter was just back to his room when his phone started to trill. He checked the call display, not recognizing the number but the area code was familiar.  He clicked the phone on.

"Hello."

"Please don't hang up on me."  Her voice was breathless.

"Lucy."

"Yeah, it's me. John, how are you?"

"I'm fine, I guess, you?"

"Okay...no not really even okay.  I miss you so much."  Lucy waited a moment, but she was met with silence, so she kept talking. "I...I'm sorry. For everything. I have so much I need to say to you. Will you give me the chance to say it all?"

Carter sat slowly on his bed. "Go ahead."

"I heard you were suspended."

"Uh huh, I've been off for about a month."

"Any word on when you will get to go back?"

"No, I have no idea. Maybe never, who knows."

"I am so...I feel sick John, I did that to you. I was so angry, and I didn't think I just...flipped out, and I know it. I should never have said anything to DeRaad."

"He didn't report me, Lucy. Kerry got suspicious about the necklace."

"Still, I promised you I would never tell, and I did. It was wrong for me to do that, I wanted us to be together, you were hesitating, and I made you a promise, and I broke it.  I don't know how I can make it up to you.  And I didn't mean any of it, when I said I hated you, I don't you know.  I love you, so much and I have been so stupid.  I know you may never be able to forgive me, but I love you John, and I miss you, and I wish you would come home. We have a visitor day coming up on December 10th, will you come?"

"I...I don't know Lucy. I can't promise I will. This has been really hard, this last month."

"I know baby, but... will you think about it at least?  Please?  If I could just see you, and we could sit down and talk?  I know you were right, I needed help, and I know you did it all for me. You put your job and your life on the line for me, and I repaid you by getting you suspended. But I still love you, and I don't know how I can ever make it up to you, but can you at least let me try?  Baby, please?" Lucy could feel the tears running down her cheeks now. She knew this was not going to be easy, and it might take some begging on her part, but he was worth it, so worth it.

Carter sighed. "I'll think about it. Send me the details and I will think about it."

"I don't have access to email, so..." Lucy gave him the visiting hours and they said good bye. She could only hope that he would come, give her the chance to see him.

Carter spent the next few days traveling around the islands, enjoying the sun and spending a lot of time in and on the water.  He got in a few scuba dives, a bit more time out sailing with a group of guys he had met when he was out one night.  He was having a good time in general, but his troubles with Lucy were weighing on his mind.

The guys had tried to fix him up with a couple girls, but he wasn't ready yet. Even though he knew it would be very casual hookups, he wasn't sure it felt right. It almost felt like cheating on Lucy, which logically he knew it wasn't because she had broken up with him, but still, he knew he was far from over her. 

If he was honest with himself, he still loved her, deeply and he had some huge decisions to make.  The visiting day was only threee days away now, and if he was going, he needed to get on a plane.

Lucy had been anxious and fidgety for the past several days. Her roommate Celine was starting to get annoyed.

"Lucy, please, you need to calm down."

"I can't Celine, what if he doesn't come?  I invited him and he said he would think about it.  I love him so much."

"This is the asshole boyfriend, right?"

"Except he's not.  I was angry because he flushed my pills, but he was right, I needed help.  He did it because he loved me, and I am the one who was wrong.  If he comes, then maybe he will forgive me.  At least I can see that he is really okay."

"Mm, I hope he comes, I can't wait to see this adorable man of yours."

"Me either, I cannot wait to see him."

Lucy spent some extra time getting ready, nervous because she was not sure if she was getting all ready for nothing.  Her mom had to work and had apologized for not being able to come see her, but Lucy understood.  Her mom had taken quite a bit of time off work already, and she simply could not afford any more.

If John didn't come then she would be left standing by herself, most of the patients seemed to have someone coming to see them.  Finally it was time, and Lucy entered the meeting room.  They could meet their guests, then show them around a bit, and find a quiet room to visit.  There were lots of places where they could find some privacy and talk. 

The visitors were not allowed in the dorms whatsoever, but their were common rooms and some meeting rooms that were open.  She stood anxiously, looking around as people started to find their visitors and disburse.  Lucy was getting worried now, John was never late for anything, and if he was not here, it meant he was not coming.  She turned to leave, when she felt the hand on her arm.

"Luce."  His voice was soft and even. 

Lucy turned, almost not believing he was standing in front of her.  She didn't even think, she threw herself into his arms.

"John, you came."  The relief washed over her as his arms encircled her, pulling her in. She burst into tears, sobbing as she clung to him. "I missed you so much." 

Carter was overwhelmed at her response to him. He had arrived on time, but hesitated before he went in, sitting in his Jeep for a few minutes.  He was nervous about how this was going to go.  He finally managed to walk in the door, seeing that a lot of the people had already moved off to visit, and Lucy was looking forlorn and about to leave the meeting hall. 

He caught up with her quickly, and she literally launched herself into his arms, bursting into tears.  He rocked her gently against him, resting his cheek on her hair as she sobbed.  He could see the eyes of one of the staff on them, she looked concerned, but she kept her distance.

"Sh, Lucy, it's okay."

"No, it's not. I missed you so much, I haven't seen you in forever, and you're here."

"Yeah, I'm here. So why don't we get you something to drink and you can wipe off those tears and show me around?"

"Okay, good idea." Lucy took the tissue John handed her and dabbed her eyes, then blew her nose, feeling very unattractive at that moment.

Carter however, already felt more comfortable. The show of emotion was not a bad thing in his eyes.  She seemed truly glad to see him and upset that they had been apart so long.  He encouraged her to freshen up quickly then she rejoined him and showed him around a bit. 

They finally found a comfortable and quiet place to sit, and Lucy took his hand, entwining his fingers with hers. 

"I missed you so much baby, it is so good to see you.  You look great...so tanned."

"I guess that is what a month in the Caribbean does for you."

"Yeah, my mom told me you had left town.  I think she was worried about you, it's like she's adopted you or something."

"Which is nice of her, but I'm able to take care of myself, I am 30 years old."

"I know, but she loves you, she really does.  Almost as much as I do.  I love you and I am so sorry for being such a crazy bitch.  I know you only did what you thought was best.  I know DeRaad came to you first because he was worried about me and that you had noticed things.  And you called my mom because you knew I would lose it on you.  You know me, John, and I love you for it.  I am sorry for the whole nasty scene at work, and how that must have felt, and that you had to work after I left."

"I'm a big boy Lucy, I managed. I can get by, if I get fired at County I have some other options.  Interesting enough though, Weaver called me this morning, so I have a meeting with her tomorrow.  I guess I will hear the verdict."

"Still, John, I caused you problems at work.  Though I don't know how I am ever going to go back to work, with everyone knowing I'm a druggie."

"No one knows Lucy, the only ones who know where you are me, DeRaad, and Mark Greene.  And none of us are saying a word.  You're on a personal leave, and everyone assume it is because I'm a cheating bastard, so you can go back and not worry about it."

"Oh, John, is that what everyone thought?  That you had cheated on me and that's why I flipped out and disappeared?"

"Pretty much."  Carter had talked to Mark, and the rumours flying around were wild right now. With both Carter and Lucy gone, it ranged from them both being fired, to Carter cheating on Lucy and a whole range in between.  He was not looking forward to going back to work in a lot of ways.  "Before either of us go back, if I get to go back, we should get our story straight.  Each come up with a different version of the same story for each of our absences.  I will go for a coffee with Mark, or maybe I should go see Chuny, she will know all the gossip and I can find out exactly what has been said."

"Or maybe we just don't want to know.  I think it might be nice to just come up with what we want the story to be and stick to it.  I am sorry though, I have created a whole lot of problems, if I had not come in that day, I could be here getting better and you could be working.  And maybe you would still be waiting for me to come home to you.  But that's not going to happen, is it?  There's no way you are going to forgive me for ruining your life and your reputation at work."

Carter sighed deeply.  "I don't know Lucy, I think we have a long ways to go, a lot needs to be said and a lot needs to be fixed.  The question is, where do we go from here?  Can we get through this? I have to finish my residency, and you have to get back on track with your internship. And of course the big question, are you done with the drugs."

Lucy nodded. "I'm totally done, John.  I have been struggling to stay off them all through med school, and I let the pressure get to me.  Now though, I finally have done some proper therapy and recognize a lot of things.  I have met and heard the stories of of people whose lives were ruined because of drugs and I don't want to be one of them.  I may already have lost the man I love because of them, and I know I want to get on with my life.  Please tell me I haven't lost you forever."  Lucy met his eyes.  "Please tell me we have a chance to fix this, I love you John."

Carter reached out and took her in his arms. "I love you too, baby."


	16. Chapter 16

Carter stopped briefly before he entered the doors of County.  He hoped the meeting with Kerry would be short and to the point.

"Well, Dr. Carter, it seems that everyone was under the impression you and Lucy only started dating after she graduated.  We have no further reason to keep the suspension in place and you are back to work, and you will receive retroactive pay for the time off as you have been cleared of all charges.  You are very lucky."

Carter shrugged.  "Maybe luck has nothing to do with it.  What was everyone told about my absence?"

"Nothing except to mind their own damn business.  Obviously though word had gotten around, because we did have to interview some of the staff.  However we will make sure that everyone knows the charges were erroneous and you can come back to work when you are ready."

"So nothing in my file?  I can still apply to be Chief?"

"Yes, you can if you make up your hours.  I am sure we can accommodate you."

"Great, put me on the schedule and I will get in the hours and my application.  When do you need me?"

"I'll put you on the schedule for Monday, enjoy your last few days off."

Carter left the office, happy that things were coming together.  He knew Lucy would call tonight after dinner, so he would share his news then.  She still had some time left in rehab, but things were going well, and she was going to be allowed home for a night.  He was going to drive out and pick her up tomorrow afternoon, and then they would have 24 hours together.  Lucy wanted to come and stay with him, and he was looking forward to it.

He made sure that there was food on hand, the cleaner had come in and freshened up his apartment, giving it a thorough cleaning.  Soon everything was ready.

Lucy was all smiles at the rehab center.  The visit with John had gone really well, they had talked for quite some time, and she realized that maybe it was possible for them to be together again.  Celine was watching her bounce around, getting ready to go home for the night.

"Well, you were not kidding.  He is pretty adorable, Lucy.  I see why you want to go back to him."

"I know, I just...I can't wait, he is taking me home, I get to be out of here for a full 24 hours.  I am so happy.  I get to have some time with him, that is the first time I've seen or talked to him since I went into rehab."

The morning dragged, but finally John arrived to drive her home.  Lucy beamed at him and jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around him and holding him tight.

"Mm, baby, nice to see you too."  Carter gave her a long kiss, then they got her signed out.  Carter picked up her bag, and they headed back into the city.

Lucy could barely take her eyes or her hands off of him. She knew, the minute they walked in the door, she was going to be stripping him naked and taking him to bed.

Carter closed the door and took her bag into the bedroom.  He turned knowing she was right behind him.

Lucy reached up and brushed her fingertips down his cheek.  She was studying him, very intently, stretching up on her toes to kiss him.  He leaned down to meet her lips, his hand tangling in her hair.  They stood there for a good minute, just kissing each other.

Lucy started to unbutton his shirt without taking her lips off his, running her hands down his tanned, firm chest.  She let her fingers slide down over the front of his jeans, stroking softly, then working on the button as she felt his hands skimming over her body.  His hands cupped her breasts, as he ran his thumbs over her nipples.

Carter helped her remove her top, then her bra followed quickly.  The were both removing clothing as they did a sensual dance towards the bed, kissing and stroking as they went.  Carter flipped back the covers, dropping her onto the crisp fresh sheets as he covered her with his body.

 _"I need you baby, please."_ Lucy whispered into his hair as his lips created a fiery trail down her neck.  She ran her hands down his smooth back and over his ass, pulling him towards her.  It had been too long since they'd made love, she craved the feel of him inside of her, she didn't want to wait.

Carter lifted his head looking into her eyes as he entered her, her lips parting slightly as she inhaled sharply.  He knew they were both needing this, the physical closeness and the sexual release.  Their eyes were locked together as he started to move his hips against her, long slow strokes, wanting to make it last as long as possible. 

She let her body rise up to meet him, clinging to him, digging her fingers into his back as the sensations washed over her.  She had missed him so desperately, it was a physical ache now, she almost could not believe they were here together, that he was making love to her.  She let out a long moan as he started to thrust into her harder, quicker, bringing her legs up, bracing her feet against the back of his legs.

Carter gazed down at her as their bodies rocked together, watching her half closed eyes, hearing the small involuntary sounds coming from her, feeling the sheen of sweat between their bodies.  He knew when it hit her, her cry, her back arching up as her head tilted back against the sheets.  Her muscles clenching around him as he felt his own climax rising, totally unable to suppress it.  He let his eyes shut as he drove into her, finally burying himself deep into her warmth. 

Lucy was gasping for breath as he collapsed against her, then he was rolling her onto her side, looping her leg over his hip.  She could feel his warmth, his body tight against her as he claimed her lips for a deep kiss.  They lay there silently for quite some time, their lips caressing each others, neither of them willing to break the contact.  She looked deep into his eyes, her hand resting gently on the back of his neck, playing with his hair.

"You don't know how much I have missed this."  Her voice was soft and low.

"Oh, I think I have some idea, Luce."  He brush her hair back from her face with his fingertips, giving her lips a brush with his.

Lucy studied him, wanting to ask, but not wanting to ask.  She was afraid of the answer.  Had he been with anyone else while they were apart?  She hoped the answer was no, but she didn't even think she had the right to ask.  She had broken up with him, she had told him she hated him.  He had been 'single'  for over a month before she called him, before she invited him back into her life.

If she asked and the answer was no, she would feel much better, but if the answer was yes, could she handle it?  Would he be upset at her for asking?  They were just reconciling after time apart.  Lucy herself had been occupied with getting better, and in her heart, she had no desire to make love with anyone during the time they were away from each other.  But John, she had set him adrift, and she was not at all sure he wouldn't...would he?

"What?  You look very intent about something."  Carter was reading her body language, she seemed deep in thought.

"Nothing, never mind."

"Lucy."  His voice was firm and she knew he wasn't buying it.  "Baby, you have to talk to me, this has been a tough time for both of us, and if there is something you need to say, then you owe it to us, and our relationship to get it out there."

"I...I want to ask you something, but I am not sure if I have the right to ask, or if I want to know the answer.  You might be mad if I even ask, after all we...have been apart for weeks."

"Oh."  Carter had a bit of an idea where this was leading.  He could be wrong, but he thought...she was wanting to know if he had been with anyone else while they were apart.  "Well, if you don't ask I can't answer, and I guess it depends on how badly you need to know the answer.  How much it matters to you."

Lucy sat up.  "Oh, John, please say you didn't."  She could feel the tears threatening, the way he had responded made her feel like the answer was going to be yes, and she almost couldn't stand the thought he'd been with another woman.  She had no right to feel that way, but she couldn't help herself.  She was immediately hurt and jealous, he was _her_ man, she knew she was being possessive, and it was not fair to expect he would wait, but it didn't change how it crushed her heart.

"Didn't what?  I think you need to let me in on exactly what you are getting at, Lucy.  I can't read your mind."  Carter wanted to make her say it, he was quite sure now what she was thinking, but he wasn't sure how he felt about her reaction.  Her assumption.

"John, did you...were you with anyone else while we were apart?  I know I broke up with you, but...I still can't stand the thought that you had sex with another woman."  Her red rimmed eyes met his.

Carter sighed.  "I am not sure how I feel about this question, considering you told me to get lost.  But, the fact is Lucy, when you really love someone, it is not that easy to move on.  No, I didn't have sex with anyone else while we were apart.  What are you are imagining I was doing while you were in rehab?  Out partying every night?"

Lucy felt a wave of relief wash over her.

"No, John, it's not like that, I wasn't thinking that at all.  I just...I know I would have no right to be angry if you'd had sex with someone, I broke up with you, and I know it would be wrong for me to be upset.  But, I get insanely jealous just thinking about it, and I thought if you were willing to tell me, it would prevent my imagination from running wild.  I love you so much, and I would not have held it against you if you'd been with another woman.  But I just needed to know."

"Okay.  Well, you don't need to worry, Lucy.  I didn't. I was far from ready to get involved with anyone.  I simply spent some time traveling and trying to get my head straight.  Picking up women was not on the list."

Lucy nodded.  "I know the feeling, I obviously was not out picking up guys either.  I guess I would feel that I'd betrayed you, it would have felt like cheating.  Even though I was really angry that you had gone to my mom and DeRaad, I still feel like we belong together, I never stopped feeling like that, even during our time apart.  I felt betrayed though, especially at first."

"And I know that feeling.  DeRaad pulled me into his office and admitted that you had told him we were sleeping together when you were my student.  That one really hurt, Lucy.  I get that I should never have been involved with you, not like that, but we were practically living together, after seeing each other for 10 months and it was really hard to see you turn on me.  I came really close to losing everything, Luce, it had been difficult to get my mind around the whole mess."

"John...I will regret doing that for the rest of my life.  I guess we were both lucky that DeRaad is a reasonable guy, because sitting here now a month later, I know my mom was right.  She told me that if I sunk your career it would be something I could never undo, and I would always regret it, and she was entirely correct.  As usual.  I have no excuse aside from the drugs were making me crazy, and I have been working hard in rehab to get better.  Because I never want to be that kind of person again, the one that would hurt the man I love more than anything in the entire world.  I do, John, I love you so much, I don't think I could live without you.  When I thought you weren't coming to see me, I though I was going to die."

"You didn't go into details with your mom or DeRaad right?  About us?"

Lucy shook her head.  "Thankfully no, I at least refrained from saying exactly how it happened.  I mean, even with how fuzzy my brain was, I could not have told that to my mom.  That would about kill her I think to know what the first time was for us.  Maybe I had a bit of self preservation going on, I am glad I didn't put that picture in her head or my boss's."

"I figured, I am not so sure your mom would be talking to me still if she knew the whole story.  Though she has been pretty calm about it in general."

"Yeah, you charmed her from day one, and I think everyone can see that what we have is not just sex.  If it had been, we would both be under the landslide of crap that would be flowing downhill.  But, everyone can see that it is so much more.  It still is, right?  Do you still love me?"

"I'm here, aren't I?  Trust me Lucy, if I didn't love you, I would have been gone from this long ago.  You still drive me crazy sometimes."

Lucy giggled.  "Sorry, I can't help it baby.  I love you."

"I love you too.  Think we can make this work?"

"Yeah, I do."

Lucy wrapped her arms around him, kissing him deeply.  She was not ready to get out of bed yet.

They spent the next few hours making love off and on, trying to get their fill of each other, knowing that Lucy would have to go back to the center tomorrow.  Finally they ordered in some food, Carter was starving after expending so much energy.

They sat cuddled on the couch, sharing bites when Lucy tilted her head.

"You watch me when we make love.  All the time, you watch me."

"You watch me too sometimes, Luce.  But, I watch you because you're beautiful.  Truly beautiful."

"You think I'm beautiful?  Even when we are in the middle of having sex.  Really?"

"Absolutely and always.  You get this look, and knowing that I am making you feel...that good...I just like seeing it.  Is it weird?"

"No, I just...I guess I never notice anyone watching me so closely before, but then, no one has ever made me feel like you do either. It is so damn good every time, you make me feel...incredible."

"Well, good.  Sex should be enjoyable, it should feel really great, otherwise why would anyone do it?"

Lucy smiled at this, taking his hand, and pulling him up off the couch.

"Well, baby, I don't know.  Let's go find out why people do it."

"We are not even leaving this apartment, are we?"

"Nope.  I won't see you again until Christmas, so I need a lot of memories to keep me going."

Too soon their visit was over, and they were on their way back to the center.  Carter gave her a warm kiss, and she disappeared inside.  Now he needed to get some sleep and prepare for his first day back at County.  He was not looking forward to it.

He stepped into the ER and went directly to the lounge, his locker was still there with his name on it, so he got ready quickly.  When he hit admit, there were comments.

Jerry nodded.  "Nice you're finally back Dr. Carter.  Didn't think we would see you again.  You are looking very tanned."

"Thanks Jerry, spent a little time in the Caribbean, it was great."

Chuny came up and spontaneously gave him a hug.  "Welcome back.  Everything okay?"

"It's all fine.  Thanks Chuny."

Everyone was welcoming and the ER was busy.  He was running for a few hours before he had a chance to slow down and grab a coffee.  Malucci followed him into the break room.

"Hey, how's it going hoss?  You look pretty relaxed for someone who was suspended for a month and broke up with his girlfriend."

"Who says I broke up with my girlfriend?  And I had a nice vacation, thanks."  Carter sipped his coffee, knowing that everyone had been afraid to ask about Lucy.

"Uh, you and Lucy are still together?"

"Uh huh.  Don't let the ER rumors fool you Malucci.  Not everything that is said is correct. I have to get back to work."  With that Carter strode out of the lounge.

Carter had a few moments to talk with DeRaad and he updated him quickly on Lucy's progress, and that she should be back sometime in January.

The month was running by quickly, and Carter and Lucy talked every night for a few minutes.  They decided to invite her mom out for Christmas, he had to work Christmas Eve, but he could be home during the day and had a few days off after Christmas.  It was decided that Lucy would come to his place, the center was allowing her to come home for a few days this time.

On the 23rd Carter worked a very long shift then was about to head home when he got a page from OB. 

"Dr. Carter, I am glad I caught you.  Dr. Chen is asking for you."

Carter and Deb were friends, and they helped each other out at times.  She was due to give birth anytime, and she was feeling quite alone.

"I'll be right there."

Carter spent the rest of the night coaching Deb through labor and being the go between for her and the intended adoptive parents.  He didn't get a whole lot of sleep, and was back on the next day before he even had a chance to go home.  He was glad that Barbara had access to Lucy's apartment, he could pick her up later to take her to his place. 

Barbara and Lucy however had been plotting, and Barbara had her set of keys, so she went over early, and started to prepare things for a nice Christmas breakfast.  They were going out to his grandparents for dinner, he had told them he was bringing his girlfriend and her mother.

Carter finally got home just after midnight on Christmas Day, finding that both Lucy and Barbara were already there.  Barbara was asleep, but Lucy was waiting up for him.

"Hey baby, you look tired."

"Yeah, it was a very long day."

"How is Dr. Chen and the baby?"

"Good, the adoptive parents took him, Deb is all right, she is feeling a bit down, but then she just had a baby.  It is so good to see you."

"You too.  I love you."  Lucy wrapped her arms around him, kissing him passionately.  "You have enough energy left to give me a little loving?"

"Always.  But your mom is here."

"We can be very quiet."


	17. Chapter 17

Carter woke up Christmas morning with a start.  The bed beside him was empty, Lucy having gotten up an hour earlier, choosing to let him sleep. She knew he was exhausted and let him sleep in.  Carter squinted at the clock, seeing it was only 8am, but he could hear voices, and smell food, so he decided to get up, letting his stomach win the battle.

He dressed quickly, going out to join Lucy and her mom in the kitchen.

"Hey sleepyhead, you're up."  Lucy gave him a long warm kiss.

"Yup, I could smell something delicious, and I am starving.  Barbara, I hope you had a good flight."

"John, it is so good to see you."  Barbara came over giving him a warm hug and a kiss.

"You too."  Carter returned the hug.  He just loved Lucy's mom, she was everything he wished his mom had been, kind and warm and always there when needed.  He had received a package from them, they were still in Tokyo, but they were not coming home for Christmas, yet again.  He had let them know he was seeing someone seriously, but they were still making no effort to come and meet her.  Oh well, he was used to it now.

They had a great breakfast, followed by opening gifts.  Carter had a short sleep in the afternoon, still being tired from work, then they all dressed up for dinner at the house.  His grandparents were sending a limo for them, as the Carter functions could get a bit heavy on the Martinis.

Carter was a bit nervous, he was not sure how Lucy was going to react when she finally saw his grandparents place.  Sure, she knew his family had money, but he was not sure how the reality was going to play for her. 

"You look beautiful."  Carter had bought Lucy a new dress for Christmas as one of her gifts.  She had been worried that didn't have anything to wear out to dinner.

"Thank you.  You did an amazing job choosing this, it is just perfect, I love it."  She gave him a deep kiss.  She touched the pendant around her neck.  "And this is gorgeous."

Carter had bought her a new one, after the whole incident at work, he decided it was a good idea to make the other one scarce for a while.  It still might raise suspicion as she had been wearing it for a long time.  He had also given her some matching earrings which she had on as well.

“Ready? The car is here, so we should go.”

He helped her put on her coat, did the same for Barbara, and they went downstairs. The driver was out and curbside in moments, John handed both of the ladies in, then slid in behind them. Barbara had a bit of smile on her face as the pulled smoothly from the curb. Lucy reached over and took John’s hand.

“I have never ridden in a limo before. This is kind of neat. How many times have you been in a limo mom?”

“Never. To be honest, I have never been in one either, so a first for both of us tonight.”

“So John, how many times?”

Carter shrugged. “I honestly have no idea. A lot? Since I was really young.”

He sat back and entwined his fingers with Lucy, giving her a smile. If they were excited about the limo, just wait until they saw the house. They were going to freak out. Lucy and her mom were both looking out the window as they glided along, the houses getting progressively bigger and bigger. When they finally turned into the large circular driveway, Lucy looked over at him.

“Wow. Oh, John, just…wow.”

Lucy felt her stomach churning, John kept referring to his grandparents house, which really was more like…a small castle. Certainly it was a mansion, or an estate, but a house? Was he kidding? She took a few deep breaths as the driver came to open the door, and John assisted them out. As they approached the front door it opened as if by magic.

“Good evening Dr. Carter.”

“Good evening Henry.”

He helped Lucy and Barbara with their coats, Henry taking all the outerwear to hang it up. Both Lucy and Barbara were a bit speechless, neither of them had ever been in such a massive home, it was all tile and hardwood and it was perfectly decorated, just incredible.

Carter took Lucy’s hand, leading her into the main room, introducing them right away to his grandparents. There were quite a few people there, a few of the cousins and John’s uncle and his wife. Most of them were already well into the Martinis and other drinks, but it was not long before dinner was called.

The meal was decadent in Lucy’s eyes, 5 courses of truly amazing cuisine, the traditional turkey elevated to a whole new level. Dessert was a choice between several kinds of pie, or a chocolate cake.

“Get the cake and I’ll get pie, then we can have some of both.” Carter said to her softly.

Lucy giggled, he was a thinker, and he knew how much she loved chocolate. He fed her some of his dessert and she did the same for him.

All in all it was a success, and after dinner, Barbara got caught up talking to some of the family and John took Lucy for a bit of a tour. He took her upstairs.

“John.” She whispered. “Should we be up here?”

“Um, why not? This is my grandparents’ house, I was here a lot when I was a kid. In fact, I have a bedroom that I use sometimes.”

He pulled her down the hall and opened one of the doors, flicking on the light.

“This is your room?” Lucy gasped.

It was almost nicer than the hotel suite they’d stayed at last Valentines day. It was truly amazing.

“There are clothes in the closet.”

“Yeah, my clothes. I stay out here sometimes when I come out for dinner, if I don’t have to work the next day.”

Lucy jumped on the bed.

“Wow, this is nice. Kind of like the one you have at home.”

“Yup.” Carter dropped onto the bed with her. “Come here.” He pulled Lucy into his arms, giving her kiss.

“Mm, this is so nice to be with you John. I can’t wait until I get to come home permanently.”

She turned and kissed him again. She stared to work his tie loose.

“What are you doing Luce?”

“Undressing my man in his bedroom, what does it look like?”

Carter put his hand against her lips.

“Hold that thought.” He slid off the bed and locked the door. “Don’t want anyone walking in.”

He slid off his suit jacket and hung it neatly and took off his tie. His pants were next, then his shirt. He didn’t want to go back downstairs all disheveled, someone in his family was sure to notice. They were sticklers for appearance, if he had a hair out of place it would cause comments. Lucy stood and took off her dress, laying it over the chair, then stepped into his arms. Carter pushed her gently down on the bed.

“You have to be quiet, just like last night at home.” He whispered in her ear as he lost his boxers and pulled down her thong panties, dropping them unceremoniously onto the floor.  He crawled onto the bed with her, their lips meeting.

The kiss deepens further and she molded herself up against his body, his arms wrapped around her back, pulling her on top of him. He was fully aroused,  Lucy could feel the evidence between their bodies, his throbbing hardness against her belly.

His hands ran up her back as she rubbed herself against his erection, barely able to think straight. Lucy moaned softly as he caressed the pillowy softness of her breasts, rolling them so she is now under him.  He kisses each breast, teasing them with his tongue, his mouth creating a fiery trail down her body, over her navel and then onto her sensitive thighs.  Lucy reached down, her hands wandering through his silky hair as he kisses her intimately, parting her pink folds slightly with his ever talented tongue.

" _John, oh baby."_ Lucy gasped as his mouth covered her, engulfing her with a sensual warmth, pushing up towards him as her hand balled up the sheet.  John could feel her hand clenched in his hair, the pressure of thighs locking against his ears as she tried to get them closer.  He lifted his eyes, watching her writhe under his ministrations her little sobs telling him how close she was to the edge.

Lucy turned her head and bit the pillowcase, cramming the back of her hand against her mouth, knowing that if she didn't she was going to be very loud.  John could feel her back arch up, heard the strangled sound in her throat as her muscles gave a massive contraction.

Lucy pulls him gently upwards and they were back to the hot and heavy kissing, his hands now occupied with her breasts, she pushed him onto his back and moved on top of him.  Feeling his tip against her hot center she impaled herself on him, making him groan a bit as she took him in fully. Lucy started to move her hips, running her hands up and down hi chest, scraping lightly with her nails as they moved against each other.  She moved quicker, hearing the low noises coming from him, knowing he was fighting his release as she finally felt her body start to pulse, collapsing down on his chest.

John could only hold off for a moment before he rolled them and took control, starting to strokes in and out of her.  Lucy was having trouble staying quiet with how great it felt to have him on top of her, especially as he adjusted slightly, picking up the pace to a frantic tempo, no longer able to deny himself.  Lucy was starting to feel lost in their own little world, trying to be quiet as the sensations built, her entire focus on the man moving above her, inside of her.

She buried her head against his shoulder digging her teeth in as her muscles involuntarily clenched, feeling his release as the warmth of his fluid filled her belly, hearing the soft moan he smothered against her neck.

"Oh wow.” She whispered softly into his ear.

He turned them slightly and held her close as their breathing returned to normal, giving her a very long kiss.

“Wow is right.” He murmured quietly against her neck. “That was crazy.”

Less than an hour later, they were both fully dressed again. Carter checked the hallway before they both exited his room, and he continued on with the tour. Lucy had a bit of a smile on her face, feeling slightly flushed, damn that was great. She had missed being with him all the time, and she actually had a couple more days before she had to go back to the center.

With any luck, she would be back home before the end of January, she was doing well on her program. She would continue some group sessions as an outpatient, but that was only a couple times a week, unless things got too much, then she could increase how often she attended. Then she could go back to work.

She and John were still talking about what the story was. So far he had just avoided the conversation with everyone at work. Mark and DeRaad knew where she was, but she had to appreciate how discreet they had been, if only she had been a little more sensitive to John, he would never have been suspended. Lucy felt very lucky, he had not suffered any permanent career difficulties because of her scene in the ER.

Sure it would be embarrassing the first time she had to go down for a consult, but John said no one was making a deal out of it with him. And he was eternally grateful for that. Malucci had been spreading the rumor that he and Lucy had not in fact broken up, which was a clever calculation by John. He knew Dr. Dave would not be able to keep his mouth shut, so he just hinted that he and Lucy were still dating. Everyone had been curious by not willing to ask, feeling like it was going to be big issue with Carter.

They finally went back downstairs, things were starting to quiet down, and Carter figured the could make their exit.  He had been spared the usual 'join the Carter Empire' speech, as he had guests with him, but he wanted to disappear before it got too quiet in case his grandfather decided to pull him into the study.

They said their good byes, then were back in the limo, heading home.

"John, that was a nice evening, thank you."  Barbara had enjoyed herself, she didn't get a chance to get out too much lately, and it was good to meet his family.  She had hopes that he was going to be her son in law at some point.  She had talked to Lucy a lot lately and she was impressed how John had handled everything.  They'd had a real heart to heart talk while John was at work and Barbara had told Lucy how lucky she was that she had someone who was so willing to be there for her. 

Despite the judgement errors her daughter had made, he was willing to forgive her and it seemed they were very much back on track.  Barbara didn't even mind that her daughter had kissed her good night and disappeared into John's room for the night.  Her daughter after all was 25 years old, and John was 30, they'd been sleeping together for almost a year and Barbara knew it.

"You're welcome.  I am glad you had a good time, my family can be a bit overwhelming at times."

"I had a nice talk with them, while you two disappeared."

"John gave me a bit of a tour of the house.  It took a while, it is a pretty big place."

Barbara looked at her daughter.  "I see.  Well, the house certainly was lovely.  Did you grow up near hear too John?"

"Not far away at all actually, though I probably spent more time at my grandparents house than my parents house when I was a teenager."

"I wish I had met your parents."

"Me too, but they don't get back to Chicago all that often, they are usually overseas somewhere.  Hopefully one day you will get to meet them."  Carter didn't count on it though, he didn't feel like he mattered too much to his parents.

They all said goodnight once back at the apartment, Lucy joined John in his room, Barbara retired to the guest room.

The next day they took Barbara to the airport and she was on her way home.  John and Lucy enjoyed one more day together, then he had to take her back to the center.

"Are you going to be able to come home soon?"

"I think so.  It is going well, and I think sometime in January."

"I hope so, I am tired of saying good bye.  Luce?"

"What?"

"Do you think...that when you get out of here, you might want to move in with me?"

"Yes, I would love to move in with you."  Lucy kissed him deeply before she went back into the center.  She felt she was floating on air.

Carter worked New Year's, trying to make up some of the hours he had missed the month he was off, and handed in his application for the Chief Position.  He was up against Deb, but he felt like he had a pretty good shot.

He was kept busy with work, and January was creeping by.

Lucy was doing really well in rehab, though she was cursing being stuck in the center with everyone else.  It seemed like someone was constantly sick, and she had her bout of flu about the third week of January.  Fortunately, she was finally proclaimed in control enough to go home, so she packed up her bag and John picked her up.

"You okay Luce?"  Carter was a bit concerned, she seemed a little tired and pale this morning.

"You better stay far away from me John, I think I have the flu.  Cooped up with all those people in the middle of winter?  Not a good scene.  I am so happy I have a few days off before I have to go back to work.  I get my own room again...well, what I mean is that I get our room again, I don't have to share with a virtual stranger."

Celine had been discharged just after Christmas, so Lucy had ended up with a new roommate.  She missed her privacy, and she missed sleeping in John's arms.  She was so glad she was home.

Carter tucked her into bed and made her soup.  She loved how he took care of her, and she was feeling much better later in the afternoon, though by then Carter had gone to work.  Lucy enjoyed the silence and space of the apartment, relaxing and watching a movie.  She started thinking about Christmas and how great it had been.

Christmas.  Lucy frowned.  She pulled out her calendar. 

“Oh no, oh, no no no. This cannot be happening.” Lucy stared at the calendar for a long moment, then she picked up her keys and slid on shoes and a coat. She had to find out for sure.

Carter was on shift until about 10 pm tonight, so she could do the test and then throw everything out. She was pretty sure though, she was very likely pregnant. How could she tell him? it was too soon! 

She sat and stared at the box for the longest time, then finally she went into the bathroom, and peed on the test stick. She went out into the kitchen and put the timer on for 5 minutes and paced up and down. The timer finally rang and she went back into the bathroom, afraid to look. There it was, a little blue plus sign.

No, it had to be wrong. Had to be. John was going to freak out on her. A baby, they were not ready. She had talked him out of using condoms, sex was so much better without them. John had worried about her getting pregnant, how was she going to tell him?  This is exactly what John was trying to avoid, and she had brushed off his concerns.  Which time had it happened?  They had made love many times when she was home at Christmas time.

She pulled out another test and repeated the procedure. Another blue plus sign. Her mom was going to kill her. ‘Be careful Lucy, don’t end up like me’. The words echoed in her head.

She pulled out the third and last test and repeated again, with the faint, ridiculous hope that the first two tests were defective. Still positive. Lucy was almost in tears. She was in her first year of residency, and how in the world was she going to tell John. She felt like running and hiding. She put them on the coffee table and stared at them. wishing them to change, but she knew she was going to have to deal with this.  How she did not know, they had just gotten back together, she had just finished rehab.  Pregnant.  One word, how was she going to ever tell John.

Then she heard keys in the door. Was it that late? She snatched the tests off the table and put them behind her back.

“Hey Luce, I got done a bit early for a change, they let me leave since I’ve been there so late so many times this week.” Carter shrugged out of his coat and pulled off his hat. “Luce? Are you okay?  Still not feeling good?”

“Oh, ummm yeah, I’m fine.  Just kind of tired."  She tucked the tests behind her and rested her hands on her knees

Carter gave her a funny look. “You don’t seem fine, Lucy.”

“I'm fine, really.” She gave him a smile.

Carter was not really convinced but, he was tired from a long shift.  He would talk to her when he got rid of the hospital smell clinging to him.

"I'm going to go shower.  Did you eat?"

"Um, yeah, I did."

He wandered into the bathroom and she heard the toilet flush then silence. She was still sitting on the couch when John sat on the coffee table in front of her.

“Want to tell me about this?”  Carter was surprised how calm he felt.  He had walked in to the bathroom, intending to take a shower, idly glancing at the counter.  He had picked up the box, staring at it for a good couple minutes before he could make himself walk out and talk to her.  She was acting weird.  He was home early. 

He had a feeling he already knew the answer.  After all, this was a box that had contained three tests, and every single one of them had been used.  Used recently, there were wrappers in the garbage can - three wrappers.

Lucy started as he spoke.  Oh damn. The box. John was holding the empty box clearly marked Early Pregnancy Test. She couldn’t look at him. “Looks like there were three tests in here, and it’s totally empty. Lucy. Did you take all three?”

Lucy nodded. He tipped her chin up gently with the tip of his index finger. She was swimming in the pools of his dark eyes.

“And?” He prodded. She reached behind the pillow and pulled them out. She held one up for him. “Wow, you’re pregnant?  Is that why you were acting so weird?”

Lucy nodded miserably “Yeah, I’m pregnant. Are you mad?”

“No, Lucy, I’m not mad. Just disappointed that you were trying to hide it. You didn’t clean up very well, but then I guess I came home early. When were you going to tell me?”

 


	18. Chapter 18

Lucy inhaled deeply, she had some explaining to do. “I’m sorry, I panicked, but I just found out. You know we rarely use a condom now, and that was all me. I wanted to stop using them, and now I’m pregnant and you must think I'm really stupid. I was so insistent that the pill was good enough, but it wasn’t.”

“Lucy. I’m not angry, and I don’t think you’re stupid. I went along with it, we made a choice to rely on the birth control pill. When did you suspect?”

“I’ve been nauseous the past few mornings, and then I realized I’m late. So I went and got the tests, and well, here we are. So, I must be about 6 weeks, it had to have happened at Christmas, I know I had my period in December soon after we had our night together.”  
Lucy felt his hands on her arms and then his arms went around her and she sank into his chest.

“I’m so stupid. Getting pregnant, this is so not the time. You’re up for Chief Resident, I’m in my first year as a resident, no way can we have a baby.”

“We can if you want to, Luce. We can manage, money isn’t an issue.”

“Huh, right. I’m buried in student loans, we’re both on residents’ salaries. We’ve only been together a few months, we can’t have a baby. This is all wrong.”

“Why is it all wrong? Is it the money? Or something else? You know money's not an issue, Luce, we have the money.”

“It’s everything. I can’t do this right now. I can’t. My mom is going to be so disappointed. No, she can never know.” Lucy pulled away and bounced to her feet, full of nervous energy.

“So, that’s it? You don’t want to have the baby?” Carter rubbed his hand over his face. This was not the discussion he thought they would be having.

“We can’t John, we can’t do this. We haven’t been together long enough, my mom is going to flip out.”

Lucy heard Carter sigh. “We've been together for a year Lucy, and your mom will be okay. Take some deep breaths. Take the money out of the equation, you know my family is wealthy.”

“I can’t just take it out of the equation. My mom struggled to put me through university, so I could be a doctor, and I took out huge loans and worked my ass off for scholarships and I’m not going to throw it all away.”

“Throw it away? This is a child, Lucy. Our child. You think you can’t finish your residency and have a baby? You can you know. You don’t have to do this alone, I’m here.”

“For how long, Carter. Men leave. They always leave. Then I’m stuck.”

“No, Lucy, they don’t always leave. I won’t do that. Even if you don’t want to be with me, I'll still support my child. I'm not going to leave you to raise a baby by yourself. Is that what this is about, you don’t love me enough to have a family? After everything we went through it’s not enough? If that’s what this is, then tell me.” This was gut wrenching, after what they had gotten through recently, to have her even say that he might leave her. It cut deeply, his heart was aching.

Lucy wanted to believe it in her heart, but she hadn’t had much of a role model. Her dad had vamoosed the minute he knew her mom was pregnant. Carter… it had been going so well, but she couldn’t tie him to her like that and expect him to stay. This was just more trouble in their lives, an unplanned baby, how would they manage to keep it together.

She shook her head. “No, John, I love you, you know I do. But I’ve worked too hard to get where I am, John. And so have you, I won’t let you throw it all away now. I can’t have this baby. I’m sorry.” She pushed up off the couch and grabbed her coat, sliding on her boots.

“So that’s it. End of discussion. I get no say at all.” Carter was furious. She never listened. And now the stakes were really high. She was talking about terminating her pregnancy, this was his baby too.

“You’ll thank me one day, for not forcing you into this.”

“Forcing me? You’re not forcing me, Lucy. You don’t think I care enough about you to be there when you need me? That I would not want a child? Our child? You’re wrong.”

“No I’m not. This isn’t about you, it’s about me having to carry a baby for nine months, give birth and give up my career to care for that child.”

“You don’t have to give up your career, Lucy, that’s what I’m saying. And it is about me, just a little bit, this is my baby too. I can’t force you to have a baby if you don’t want to, but at least think about it before you do anything. Call and talk to your mom, Luce, don’t just……” Carter didn’t get to finish as she slammed the door on her way out.

Carter put his head in his hands and felt the tears threaten. That she thought so little of him, thought that he would abandon her, and his child? That she was so adamant that she didn’t want this baby, she wouldn’t even listen to him. Typical Lucy, nothing mattered but the sound of her own voice. She wanted to terminate the pregnancy, abort their baby.

Carter paced and picked up the phone numerous times, thinking about dialing, then putting the phone back down. Finally he dialed her number and got her voice mail. “Luce, it’s me, pick up. Please pick up the phone and talk to me Lucy. You don’t have to do this, please don’t…..please just talk to me.” He rubbed his hands through his hair. “Lucy, come home and talk to me. Please just talk to me, I love you.”

He tried to eat, but ended up with a bag of chips and watching tv, checking his phone every 5 minutes to make sure he didn’t miss her call. He dozed off, and finally heard her key in the door. She crept in quietly, not aware he was awake on the couch.

“Lucy.”

She let out a little shriek. “John, you scared me. I thought you’d be sleeping.”

“How can I sleep, Luce, we find out you’re pregnant and you just walk out with any discussion. Yeah, I’m going to get a lot of sleep worrying about where you are. Wondering if you are okay out there wandering around Chicago at 3 am.”

She sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m freaking out here.” She plopped herself down on the couch beside him. “What are we going to do?”

“Well, we are not going to freak out or panic. I’m not going anywhere, Lucy, I know your dad left, but I’m not him. You need to have a little faith in me, and our relationship, if you don’t or can’t do that, then we have real problems Luce. We might as well give up now if you don’t love me enough to trust in me, give me a chance to be there for you.”

Lucy looked at him sadly. “I know, I’m sorry. I just don’t know how we are going to manage if we have a baby. John, Weaver really wants you to be Chief Resident, which means long hours and little pay. And you have been working towards that for years, I know how much you have always wanted it. I have years left before I finish. I would love to have your baby, but this is not the time. Everything would change John. I mean, even where we live. This is a nice apartment, but with a baby?”

“What if we had a nanny to help? Get a place with more room if we needed? Something with another couple of bedrooms so your mom could come out to visit.”

“We can’t afford it John.”

He puts his head in his hands. “Yes, we can.”

“You mean you can? I can’t afford rent on a bigger place, John. You might have money for more rent, but I have to repay student loans, and my salary is tiny, and it won’t be a lot for another few years.”

“Yeah, so what? And I’m not talking about renting, I'm talking about us buying a house. I can buy us a place, I have the money. We can both still work, we can both finish our residency, it’s not like we have to sacrifice that much Lucy. Think about it, we can do this Luce, if you want the baby, then have the baby. Finances are not going to be an issue.”

“Yeah right. My mom is going to flip out, finding out I’m pregnant, do you know how many lectures she has given me over the years? Don’t end up like me Lucy…it is hard to be a single mom.”

Carter gave her a look. “Well, we're not talking about you being a single mom, now are we? You honestly think that I could just take off like that? My family is very well known in Chicago, and it is not something I would do to you anyway. I think there's a pretty big difference. Like, how old was your mom when she had you.”

“19.”

“And you are 25 years old, you will be 26 by the time the baby is born. I’m 30 Lucy, we’re not teenagers, neither of us are 19 years old, we have financial security. We're adults, and I bet once your mom knows you are not going to have to give up your career then she will be fine with it.”

“John, I'm going to get behind on my residency, it is going to be a tough slog.”

“It won’t always be easy, but so what, you get a bit behind, 3 months or so to give birth to our child. I’m an R4, I’ll be an Attending in just over a year if I get Chief Resident. We can pay off your student loans quickly. I love you Lucy, having a family with you, it’s something I want. So we do it now instead of waiting until you are done your residency. I can carry us while you do that. It’s fine.”

“How, John. Say we have this baby. How are you going to manage? I am still going to have long hours, if you do the Chief Resident position, you will have super long hours too. How can we raise a child.”

“So, I make some choices. I'll take work home if I need to, we can have a nanny, the Chief job is only a year and you know what? If something has to give then…I don’t need to take the position. I can withdraw my application and apply for an Attending job. Be part time for a while if I need to, take a leave of absence, whatever. This is more important. You can continue with your Residency, I'm okay with that, I can help you out with that.”

“No, that's too big of a sacrifice John. You've wanted to be Chief Resident for as long as I’ve known you, and giving it up, no you just can’t.”

“Yeah, Lucy, I can. Sure, it’s nice on a resume to have been Chief Resident, but they're always looking for Attending Physicians at County, and I know everyone. It’s not like I won’t be able to get a good job, and the money will be better, sooner. DeRaad loves you, I'm sure he will let you have a short leave to have a baby, Lucy. You can go back to work as soon as you are cleared by your doctor.”

“John. This is so much to deal with. We just got back together, I just got home and I just moved in with you. A lot of changes.”

“And we both know that there will always be things happening in life Lucy. Look, we should both get some sleep. Just…think about, please. This is a big decision, I get that, and I know you are the one most affected, but once the decision is made, you can’t take it back. If you terminate, you can never take that back, Lucy.”

“I know, John, I get it.”

“I know you understand, but…do you really get it? Think of Deb, she is still agonizing over her decision to give her son up for adoption. She did what she felt was right, but she has regrets, Lucy. I would like you to have the baby, so…you know where I stand, I'll do whatever we need to do to make things work. Talk to your mom, hell, go talk to Deb. She went through making the decision not so long ago.”

“You would be okay if I told Dr. Chen I’m pregnant…with your child.”

“Yes, I would. Deb and I are friends, and she has perspective on this Lucy, she just made some tough decisions in her life about having a baby. Absolutely speak with her, I don’t care if she knows, we can tell her it’s still confidential and she won’t say a word, she’s not a gossip.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Carter held out his hand as he stood up. “Let’s get some sleep.” He led her into the bedroom, pulling her into his arms and kissing her, undressing her gently. He laid her out on the bed and tenderly made love to her.

Lucy could feel the tears in her eyes. She was crazy hormonal right now, but she loved this man so much.

“I love you John.”

“I love you too, Lucy.” He wrapped her up in his arms and they fell fast asleep.

They woke the next morning, Carter didn’t have to work until later in the day. Lucy was feeling pretty lousy, and made a few trips to the bathroom to throw up, but by late morning she was feeling better.

“You all right?” Carter checked on her.

“Yes, I just have morning sickness, I hate it already. I still need to talk to my mom, she is going to be upset John. Maybe I won’t tell her until we make a final decision.”

“Why don’t we go visit her in the next couple weeks and tell her in person? Unless you need to talk to her sooner, but we still have time.” Carter was hoping the longer he could get her to wait, the more she would get used to the idea of a baby.

“I kind of want to tell her in person, but I’m scared to face her too. I don’t know.”

He gave her a warm hug. “Hey, it will be all right, Luce. Give yourself a couple days to get used to it.”

Carter reluctantly got ready for work, hoping she was going to be okay today. He could tell she was fatigued, and the nausea of early pregnancy didn’t help.

Carter was distracted at work, Deb noticed and was trying to cheer him up a good part of the day. Finally she took a trip over to Doc’s and came back with two coffees.

“John, I think we need a bit of time on the roof.”

It was sunny, but cold and crisp, refreshing to be outdoors. And of course it meant complete privacy.

“Is everything okay? I get the feeling that you and Lucy have had a tough time recently, though you have been pretty quiet about what is going on.” Jing-Mei had heard all the rumours, though at Christmas when John was her labor coach he had assured her that he and Lucy were still together. In fact her mom was coming out to join them for Christmas. John had been evasive as to exactly where Lucy was at the moment, though. And She had heard about the dramatic ER breakup, though she didn’t know how much was being sensationalized by Malucci.

“Well, you know we had some difficulties, everyone does of course. I was kind of hoping to keep it private, but when she lost it on me at work…well, that was just fodder for the rumour mill. We're together though, she’s actually moved in with me.”

“So it’s going pretty well. But you seem really off today, so what's going on?”

“Ah, Deb. It just keeps getting more fun.” He took a deep breath. “Can I tell you something? You cannot say anything to anyone though, it's really private.”

“John, you know you can trust me. I have never shared anything we talk about in confidence.”

“Lucy's pregnant.”

“What! Oh wow! That is really big news. Planned?”

“Not particularly.” He gave her a little smile, giving her the same response she gave him when he found out Deb was pregnant.

“How far along?”

“6 weeks or so…maybe closer to 7 actually.”

“So, what are you going to do? You going to be a daddy?” Jing-Mei did not assume anything, there was something troubling John.

“I don’t know. I mean, I’d like her to have the baby, but Lucy, she’s not so sure. She’s an intern this year, and she has quite a ways to go still. So, I don’t know if she is going to have the baby.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Honestly? I can’t stand it. I mean, I get she is the one that has to give birth, but…Deb…this is our baby, and I know we can make it work. I have the money, she can take off time to have the baby, and then get back into her residency. You did it. I know your situation is different but…I don’t know what to do.”

“You told her that you want her to have the baby?”

“Of course. I told her to take a few days and think about it. Not to rush into a decision because if she goes ahead and terminates, she can’t take it back.”

“If she does, what will it do to your relationship?”

“I don’t know Deb. I love her, and I’d like to say that it wouldn’t affect us. But we both know that's bullshit, how can you go through something like that and not have it affect how you feel. You can’t. I'm open minded, I support a woman in her right to choose, and all that. I just feel like I would have a really hard time dealing with it. I’m already having a really hard time dealing with it, and she hasn’t even made a firm decision.”

Jing-Mei sighed. “You’re right, you know, you'll have to deal with the fallout if she decides not to go through with it. It’s a tough decision, John, I avoided making it, then suddenly it was too late and I had to go through with it. In the end, I'm really glad I had him, he’s a beautiful little boy.”

“And you made sure he was going to be loved and well taken care of. The adoptive parents, they wanted him so badly, Deb, you really did create family. I know it was hard for you, I saw how much you struggled with it, but you did the right thing for you.” He put his arm around her and gave her a hug, seeing the tears threaten. “Thanks for listening Deb, this is going to be a rough spot for us, it might make or break us. I don’t want to lose her, but…I can’t promise if she does this that I can get us back to where we were. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person, and I can’t say it to her either. I don’t want to make her feel like I am threatening her or something. It is all so damn complicated.”

“And you haven’t been dating all that long either. What about 6 months?” Jing- Mei suspected it had been much longer that they had been involved, but…she knew why he would keep it to himself.

Carter rolled his eyes at her. “Don’t ever pretend you bought into it, Deb. I bet you know how long it’s been, but, I appreciate your discretion.”

“But I heard nothing. So long enough. Well, if you need to talk more let me know.”

A few tense days later, Lucy was back at work. She had been thinking about things nonstop. How could she think about anything else? This baby was growing inside her, she was feeling the effects, the nausea, the fatigue, sore breasts, you name and she was having the symptoms. And it was difficult to face John every day as well. He was trying to give her space, but she was struggling with the implications of the decisions facing her.

If she had the baby…honestly, as much as she loved John, she felt the walls closing in whenever she thought about the responsibility for a child. If she could transport herself another couple years down the road, she might feel differently, but the long hours and the thought that she would be taking away some of his opportunities as well as her own made her choke up.

Then the thought of not having the baby. It would open things back up, but what would it do to them? She was not at all sure that their love would survive this. He wanted her to have the baby, she knew that, he had openly told her how he felt. If she didn’t, it would create some very real issues for them. As much as he was open minded, she knew it would be hard for him to get over what would be essentially the loss of a child.

She didn’t know what to do, and decided that she might talk to Dr. Chen. John had told her that he had talked to ‘Deb’, as he called her. How he got to call her Deb and everyone else got ripped to shreds if they even thought of calling Jing-Mei Chen by that name, Lucy did not know. They were close, John had been her labor coach even.

“Dr. Chen, would you…have time for a coffee?” She approached the lovely dark haired woman hesitantly.

“Sure, Lucy. Did you want to go now? It’s quiet.” John had warned Jing-Mei that Lucy might decide to talk to her, she knew what this was going to be about.

They sat in a back booth at Doc’s, the wind whipping down the streets today made the thought of standing on the roof unpalatable.

“You know what is going on with us, John told you right?”

“He did. I noticed he was a little distracted the other day, and we had a chat.”

“Do you mind talking to me about this?”

“Not at all. You know I went through the same sort of decisions not so long ago. I can understand how difficult it can be. I am still a resident too, though much closer to being done.”

“Right. So, John thinks we can make this work. You know he has money, we can get a bigger place, he has offered to withdraw his application for Chief Resident even, he really thinks that he can carry us for a while. He says I wouldn’t have to give up my Residency.”

“Well, that is probably true. Your situation is slightly different, the father of your baby is willing to be involved and carry some of the load. The father of mine didn’t want that. I have money too, I could have done it, but I knew it would come at a price. Being a single mom, and a resident, I wasn’t sure I wanted that for my son. You know, initially I thought about terminating, but for some reason I just could not make the appointment. So then I was 12 weeks, then 16, then 20, and of course it was far too late.”

“I didn’t know that. Does John know you thought about it?”

“Sure he does. He knows a lot that no one else does, I have been private about my son, but he has been a very good friend. I confide in him, he knows how to keep his mouth shut.”

“I know, I wish I was as good at it as he is. Do you regret carrying through with the pregnancy?”

“No, he is a beautiful baby, and he made the adoptive parents really happy. I still struggle with the decision to give him up, but I made the choice I thought was best at the time. It is all you can do. What are your concerns?”

“I know logically, we could probably do it. John is right, we have the money. But the responsibility of it all is overwhelming, I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I love him, so much, but I am just not ready for this, I am not ready to be a mom, Dr. Chen.”

“Jing-Mei, please Lucy. I understand, I do, I went through the same thoughts. Am I ready to be a mother? In the end, I knew the adoptive parents could give my child a better life than I could. My family is very traditional, and my son – his father is not Chinese and my parents would not accept him. So I would have cut off my family and been raising him totally alone. I have the money, but I just couldn’t face it.”

“My mom will be unhappy at first, but she loves John, so I don’t think that will be an issue. But I don’t think I can give a child the attention they need, I have years to go before I finish. John is so close, he is almost 5 years older than me, and he is ready for this. I’m not. You know, I don’t listen sometimes. When we were first together, I would be a bit cavalier sometimes…about the whole birth control thing. He was totally the responsible one, you know? He told me that unless I was ready to face the consequences that we needed to be careful. And here I am, and I am struggling with the consequences of being not careful enough.”

“I hate it when he’s right, don’t you? But Lucy, he is not blaming you, you know. He is ready to face the consequences of his actions. You didn't get pregnant by yourself, it takes two.”

“I know. I’m not quite there though. I know in my heart that I am not quite ready to commit to a child, yet I also know if I don’t have this baby, it could be the end of us.”

“Did he say that?”

“No, he is trying to give me space, I can see it, but…if I don’t have this baby, there are going to be feelings about it. On both our sides, and as much as he might want to support me in whatever decision I make, I am not sure he will be able to deal with it. I feel like this will rip us apart. We just got through some tough issues before Christmas and we were apart for about a month. I don’t think anyone really knows that, but we almost broke up. So we get that resolved, and now we are facing this, and I have no easy answer.”

“Because there isn’t one. You are talking about whether or not to bring a life into the world, whether or not you are ready and able to raise a child. It is obviously a huge commitment for both of you to have the baby, and a life altering decision. But so is not having the baby, and I cannot say how it will affect your relationship with John. You are right, you are in such different spots in your life, he might be much more ready for the responsibility than you. I have no doubt he will be a really excellent father when he has children.”

“I know Jing-Mei, and I can't help but think it will ruin our relationship if I take the chance for him to have this child away. I feel stuck, no matter what I do, I lose something.”

“Or gain something. You might find that once you get used to the idea, that being a mom would be okay. It’s not a lose-lose proposition Lucy. If you have the baby, you might find real happiness as a result. I look at my son, and I am so glad I brought him into this world, even if I am not a part of his life. You could have it all, you know? A family. If I had a guy like John in my life, then I likely would have kept him, because I would not have been doing it alone.”

Lucy nodded. “I’ve thought of that too, but right now all I can see is that I am not ready for a baby. I am just not ready, but I will devastate John if I don’t have the baby. And I only have so much time to make this decision, I’m 8 weeks already and my doctor says I need to make the appointment if I am going to not have the baby. What do I do?”

Jing-Mei shrugged. “I can’t tell you that Lucy, no one can make this decision but you. For John's sake, I wish I could just say have the baby, but it isn’t just about him. It’s about you too. No easy answer. You could think about what I did though…I had the baby, then put them up for adoption. Though that would not work, John wouldn’t probably go for that.”

“No, I’m sure he wouldn’t. He wants us to have the baby and be a family. I even thought maybe I should have the baby and just let him take them, but then I have to give up John, and...I just love him so much, it would be so hard to walk away.  Well, thank you, this did help, it confirmed a lot of what I was thinking.”

“Anytime Lucy. If you need to talk again, let me know.”

Jing-Mei watched her go, sad, because she was worried about John. This was all out of his control, and if Lucy didn’t have this child he would be devastated, and it might end everything as far as Lucy was concerned.  As much as he loved her, he may never get over it.


	19. Chapter 19

The next week flew by, and Lucy knew what Jing-Mei had said was true.  It was like she knew she wanted to make the appointment, but she just couldn't do it, she put it off and put it off some more.  She loved John and felt this would destroy him, she was feeling like she didn't have a choice. 

If she was going to keep the man she loved, she was going to be having this baby.  It was still tense at home, and Lucy almost regretted giving up her apartment.  John tried, he did, but Lucy was feeling a bit resentful towards him, though she knew it wasn't fair of her to feel that way.  He was giving her space, but he was also trying to be loving, and kind and generally supportive.

By the time she was 11 weeks along, she knew that John was getting the idea that she was going to have the baby.  And at this point, she knew she was committed, it was getting too late to do anything else.  Her inaction made the decision for her.  She was starting to find her clothes all too tight now, and knew she was going to have to start telling people soon.

"John?"

"Yeah Lucy?"  He was sitting on the couch reading a medical journal.  She could tell he wasn't entirely happy these days, he had been quiet, and a bit withdrawn.

"I need to go get some clothes.  My belly is getting too big for my current wardrobe and it's only going to get bigger."

He nodded.  "So, we are having a baby?"  He felt relief surge through his body, yet he could tell she was not entirely happy about the decision.  But it was getting too later for her to do anything else, she was over 11 weeks pregnant now, and it would be dangerous for her to terminate.

"Yeah, we're having a baby."  Lucy put on a smile and came to sit beside him on the couch.  "Are you happy?"

"Of course I am.  I haven't made any secret of the fact that I want us to have this baby, Lucy.  I love you, and it is all going to be okay.  You'll see."  He pulled her into his arms, and she nestled against him. 

She missed this, their love life had not been great over the past few weeks.  Between work and morning sickness, and the gulf that was dividing them emotionally over this whole decision they had stopped making love.  It was almost like he was afraid to touch her.

She was not wrong in this assessment, Carter _had_ been hesitant with Lucy over the past few weeks.  She had been so withdrawn, he felt like they were losing some of that special connection they'd had for so long.  He also was afraid of getting attached to the baby.  She had not done anything yet, but he was afraid that she still might decide she didn't want this baby, and the whole thing was crushing him.  It felt like a huge weight, he almost couldn't breath some days.  He saw how her body was changing, and he wanted to be more involved, but he just couldn't bring himself to touch her growing belly - not when there was still doubt.

He felt the tension lift now with her announcement, and he pulled her in close.  She was having the baby?  Now he could let himself get excited, get involved in the process.  He let his hand rest on her belly, cupping the gentle swelling, something he had been longing to do.

Lucy could see how happy he was with her decision, and she knew she really had no choice if she wanted to keep him in her life.  He was a wonderfully sweet and loving man, she knew he wanted children desperately, and it would be the end of their relationship if she terminated the pregnancy.  Not that he would admit it to her, he was trying so hard to be supportive and let her make her own decision, but she had the sense that her rejection of his child would feel like the end of the world to him.

She could feel his hands warm on her belly, and she recognized how much he had been holding back, like he was forcing himself not to touch her.  She understood, knowing she had a life growing inside her, it was hard not to form an emotional attachment, knowing this baby was also a little part of the man she loved so much.  Until now she had been trying not think of it that way, trying to think of the baby as just cells, now she let herself think that this was a child, a little person that she had created by making love with the man she wanted to be with forever.

They went in for their first ultrasound at 12 weeks, and everything was pronounced as normal.  The baby was developing properly and Lucy was in good health.  At that point, she decided to tell DeRaad, and of course Jing-Mei knew, but they were still keeping it quiet for now.

She also decided it was time to tell her mom.  But she was too scared to do it in person, so she made a phone call.

"Mom."

"Lucy!  How are you doing honey!"

"I'm...okay."  Lucy knew her voice was trembling.

"Is everything okay?  Things good with John?"

"Um, yeah, we are doing all right.  Mom, I have to tell you something, and please don't be angry."

"What?  You are scaring me honey."  Barbara was getting more concerned by the second, Lucy was very nervous, she could tell.

"Mom...I'm...mom I'm pregnant."

"What!"  Barbara felt the rush of emotion go through her.  Slight shock, anxiety, but with a touch of what?  Barbara realized it was happiness.  She knew that despite her daughter still being in residency, she was with a very good man, who certainly was not going anywhere.  "Lucy!  I almost don't know what to say.  How far along?"

"12 weeks.  John is really happy about it."  Lucy wanted to set her mother's mind at ease.

"I am not surprised, I have the feeling he will be a great father.  How do you feel about it?"  Barbara knew her daughter, she was not sure how Lucy was really feeling right now.

"To be honest?  A little freaked out.  It is a big deal, mom, having a baby will change everything."

"Yes, of course it will honey.  But you have the support and love of John, right?  Maybe not the best of timing, but you are not doing this alone, and you are 25 years old.  It's a lot different than when I had you, I was 19 and doing it alone.  You are 25 and you have John."

"I know, that is what he keeps telling me too.  I was a bit scared to tell him, but he was really great.  I don't think he will be like dad."

"No, I'm sure he won't.  John is 30 years old, honey, your dad was 19.  That is a huge maturity difference."

"I'm still scared though, what if I'm not ready to be a mom?"

"Sweetie, I felt the same, you know?  But once I got used to it, it was fine.  Enjoy this time, I know your life will change, but children can bring a lot of joy into your life.  Despite how hard it was at times, you brought me a lot of joy, Lucy.  You are very lucky, you have someone to share that with, someone who loves you so much.  It will all work out."

Lucy shook her head, knowing her mom couldn't see her.  She was not so sure.

Lucy could tell John was really excited about the baby, and things were improving between them again.  She let herself get caught up in how he was feeling, and she started to let some of her misgivings go.  She still had moments where it overwhelmed her, but she carefully kept this to herself.  She didn't want to tarnish the happiness this was bringing for John.

They were making love again on a regular basis, and he was doing everything to take care of her.  He spoiled her like crazy, making sure she ate properly, and the love she felt for him shone through.  He was so good to her, all the time, and she really did love him like crazy.

By 15 weeks, it was getting harder to hide.  She knew it was time to start telling everyone the news.  She and John discussed it and Lucy figured letting Chuny figure it out would be the quickest way.  John wanted to just tell people outright, but they were still discussing how this was going to go.

Chuny watched as Lucy breezed into the ER for a consult.

The girl was practically glowing, you could tell Lucy was really in love, and so was Carter. Chuny watched as he pulled Lucy into one of the exam rooms, and she worked her way down towards Exam 6. This was their room, always would be in Chuny’s mind. She knew their relationship had been going on long before Carter admitted to it, the whole Ariel and Eric thing made Chuny giggle.

Well, Carter was kind of a prince, rich, good looking and really a sweet guy. Their love was forbidden, at least until she became a resident and moved to Psych.  Now the mermaid and the prince were openly in love, and despite the bumps they seemed to be doing well.  There was a point in time last fall that Chuny thought they had broken up, and Lucy had disappeared for a while, but end of January she was back and they seemed very much together.

It had never been clear exactly what went on, or where Lucy went, or how long they were apart, but since they were a couple now?  Chuny was leaving it alone. 

Chuny opened the door pretending that she was looking for something. Carter kind of jumped a bit, and Chuny’s eyes widened slightly, as she caught Lucy’s profile, and Carters hands resting on the slightly rounded belly outlined under the flowing shirt. How did she miss that? Unless she was very much mistaken, she would swear that Lucy had a bit of a baby bump growing. She gave the couple a saucy grin.

“So, what’s new with Eric and Ariel?”

Carter rolled his eyes. “Shhh Chuny.  Someone is going to hear you, and I just got done with all of that.”

“Sorry...your secret is safe with me. Speaking of secrets, Lucy, you look like you’ve gained a bit of weight lately?”

Lucy smiled. “Only a few pounds, but it will be a lot more.”

Chuny grinned. “You’re pregnant.”

“I’m due in late August.”

She rested a hand on her belly and Chuny could clearly see that Lucy had a nicely rounded belly hiding under the shirt.

“I’ve grown so much in the past couple weeks, I’m surprised no one noticed.”

Carter rested his hands over hers.

“You look beautiful, and everyone will be noticing in another week or two. Or sooner if someone lets the secret out.” He looks over at Chuny.

Chuny smiled. “Oh, boy, you are not asking me to keep this to myself, are you? A baby, Carter? This is such great news, you two are having a baby?”

“Yeah we are. We are excited, and we are ready to share, so….no, I’m not asking you to keep it a secret. If you could delay talking about it for a couple hours though?”

Chuny nodded and giggled. “Okay, two hours and then I am letting loose. Our own Carter is going to be a daddy, this will be a very cute baby.”

“Okay, now go away. I need to talk to Lucy.”

Chuny gave a little wave and left them alone.  She was beside herself with excitement.  Carter and Lucy were going to be parents?  That was so great.

"Well, I guess you get your wish.  Chuny will have everyone informed within a few hours.  Anyone you want to tell personally before then?"

"Not really.  DeRaad already knows, so...whatever I guess.  So you had a couple places we needed to see?"

"Yes, the realtor has three nice ones to show us, so if you are done early enough, we could go tonight?  Not sure how long they will last on the open market.  All have 4 bedrooms, are in great locations, I think you will like them."

"Okay, tonight.  I love you, baby."  Lucy reached up and kissed him deeply.  She could feel her heart pounding, the love she felt for him overflowing her heart.  She suddenly knew, she had made a decision she would never regret.  Giving this wonderful man a child, as ill prepared as she felt to be a mother, he was going to be at her side.  And that was a very good thing.

She took his hand and led him out of the exam room.  Damned if she was going to let Chuny do the announcement, she was going to do this in her own way.  She made sure just enough people were around before pulling him in for another kiss.  She felt his hand rest on her belly and she put her own over it.  They both knew that her pregnancy was pronounced enough that anyone watching would see it, especially the sharp ER nurses.

Lucy turned and headed for the elevators, knowing that she had eyes watching her go.

Carter watched for a minute, knowing for sure he was being observed, then went up to admit.  Haleh came by right away.

"Carter.  When is she due?"  Haleh had a huge grin on her face.

"End of August."

"Congratulations!"  She threw her arms around him in a big hug.  She was very fond of Carter, he really had grown up in the ER, coming in as a med student and now on his way to Chief Resident.

"Thanks Haleh."

Malucci was watching this, standing by Jing-Mei and Chuny. 

"What?  Carter and Lucy are having a baby?  Did you know?"  He looked at Jing-Mei who smiled and nodded.  He looked over at Chuny next who just grinned and shrugged.  "Why am I always the last to know?"

The next few weeks were eventful for Carter and Lucy.  They bought a house, which they both really loved.  It was in a great area, with a small backyard, but 4 decent sized bedrooms, a ton of bathrooms and a main floor office.  It was also not too far from the lake shore and also walking distance to the L. 

Lucy was getting used to the idea more every day, and when she first felt their baby move inside her, it was magical.  She stopped, feeling the kick with a little gasp.

"Are you all right Lucy?"  Carl was watching her intently.

"Yes, I just...felt the baby move.  I need to tell John."  She felt excited, and was off the the ER before anyone could even say a word.  She found him finishing with a patient and dragged him into an empty room.  She could still feel the baby moving.

"What's wrong?"  John was immediately concerned, she had a strange look on her face.

"You have to feel this, John."  She took his hand and placed in on her belly.  "Can you feel it?"

She looked up into his eyes, seeing the smile and wonderment, the total joy.

"Wow, that's our baby."  He whispered, placing both hands on her, trying to catch every movement.  His warm hands slid up under her shirt, resting directly on her bare skin, sending a tingle through her.  "Amazing."

"I know.  John, I love you so much, and I love this baby.  I know you were right, we can do this."

"Of course we can, Luce, it was meant to be.  I love you too."  He leaned down and captured her lips, kissing her deeply, then he bent down and kissed her belly.  "Right baby?  We can do this."

Lucy rested her hand on his hair and smiled. 

The 20 week ultrasound showed a perfect little baby nestled inside her, though they opted not to find out if it was a boy or a girl.  They decided to be surprised.  Of course this made for interesting discussions in deciding how to decorate the baby room, as they had taken possession of the new house.

And of course, the name game.  Lucy jokingly suggested John Truman IV for a boy and John cringed.

"No way, Luce.  I am not doing that to my child."

"Our child."

"Yeah, well, no."

Carter also got the news that he had earned the Chief Resident position, which Lucy insisted he accept.

"We are going to do it all, baby.  I am finishing my residency, you are getting Chief like you always wanted, and we are going to have a family.  I think maybe we should have a couple more after this one."  Lucy was feeling great and glowing with happiness now.  Their child was moving all the time, and she was in love with this baby's daddy, and she was falling in love with the baby too.  They both were.

"Well, we'll talk after you push the first one out. I would love to have more, but let's wait a couple years, okay?"  Carter gave her a big kiss.

Chuny was incredibly excited about the baby, so she took on the task of a baby shower.  She had Carter give her a house key so they could surprise Lucy.  He decided to arrange a date night, having them stay over in a hotel, giving Chuny a chance to decorate and get everybody over to the house.  Carter had called Barbara as well, inviting her to the shower, and sending her a ticket to Chicago.

Millicent Carter was also invited to come, and she accepted gladly.  She was happy to see her grandson so happy, and she had a very nice gift for them as well.

"So how do I get the honor of another stay at the Langham?"  Lucy was quite excited about their night away from home.

"We missed celebrating Valentines Day, so I thought we would do it a bit late this year."  Carter smiled and rubbed her belly as they rode up in the elevator. 

"This is our room!  The same on from the last Valentines."  Lucy recognized the room number as they arrived.

"Well, so it is."  Carter gave her a little grin.  He had purposely asked for the same room.  It was where they first told each other that they loved one another, fully admitted to their feelings, and he wanted the night to be special.  The bell boy opened the door and took the suitcases to the bedroom, then disappeared quickly once Carter tipped him.

Lucy felt her breath catch in her throat.  There was a huge bouquet of red roses,  and a table all set for a special dinner.  She could hear the soft music washing over them.  The bed has a heart of rose petals adorning it, the room was softly lit with candles, flickering and glowing softly.

"John, this is beautiful."

"And so are you."  He leaned down and kissed her deeply.  "Hungry?"

Lucy enjoyed every moment of the evening, it was like he had recreated that very special Valentines Day from almost two years ago. 

The butler disappeared again after he had served dessert and John took Lucy into his arms for a dance.

"I love you, Luce."

"I love you too John.  This has been a really great night, it's like every detail is almost exactly like the last Valentines."

"Well, I tried.  A lot of things have changed since our last celebration here though."

"They sure have.  All for the better too.  I have never been happier."

"Mm.  I can think of one thing that could make me happier."

"What?"  Lucy smiled up at him.

He leaned down and caught her lips with his, then whispered against her ear.

"I would be even happier if you would marry me."

Lucy froze for a moment, then looked up into his deep brown eyes.

"Did you just...say...you want to marry me?"

"Yes.  Lucy Knight, will you marry me?  Do me the honor of being my wife?"  Carter pulled out a small velvet box and opened it. 

Lucy gasped and put her hands to her face, feeling the tears rising in her eyes.

"John, oh wow, that is so amazing!"  She couldn't take her eyes off the stunning and rather large diamond nestled in the box.  She was near speechless.

Carter could feel his heart pounding, he was really nervous, and she seemed to have lost the power of speech.  He waited for a few moments then.  "Luce?"

She snapped back to reality and looked up at John, not quite knowing what to do or say.

Carter was starting to get a little concerned now, she still had not said a word.

Finally Lucy's brain clicked back into gear.  The word she was looking for finally managed to find its way out of her mouth.

 _"Yes!"_ She almost squealed, throwing herself into his arms.  "Of course the answer is yes!"

Carter held her tight for a moment, then they shared a very passionate kiss.

"You had me worried there for a minute."

"Sorry, sorry, baby.  It's just...I had no idea you were going to ask me to marry you."

"Well, then the surprise worked."  He took her left hand and slid the ring onto her finger.  "Do you like it?  If not, we can buy you one you like better."

"Oh no way.  This is absolutely stunning, John.  And totally amazing, this is quite the ring, I cannot believe you just put this massive rock on my finger."

"I am really happy you like it." 

"I love it."  Lucy held up her hand, enjoying how the ring sparkled and caught fire as the candlelight hit it.

The rest of the night was just as special as the first time they were there.  They made love and cuddled in the luxurious bed.

"I have to be careful though, when people ask about the story on how you proposed.  I won't be able to say you recreated Valentines."

"No, but that can be our special secret.  You can just tell people that I recreated one of our dates, where we stayed overnight here.  Or you can just omit that part."

"Its the most romantic part of it though, how you recreated it.  I remember, it was the first time we said I love you.  You are a pretty romantic guy, aren't you."

"Yeah, but don't let that get around, I'll never live it down."

"No, I think it's pretty special, John, all the ladies will be super jealous.  Almost every woman wants a guy that does stuff like this, even if they never admit it.  And the guys will be thinking, damn, I wish I had thought of that.  My friend Casey, her now fiance didn't do anything half as special as this and she was a little sad because he didn't make the proposal all that special.  I won't ever forget this John."

"Well, good.  Cause I love you baby, and I wanted it to be special.  Now we just have to think about when and where we want to do this."

"I'll have to talk to my mom, see what we can afford."

"Luce, your mom doesn't have to pay for our wedding, we have the money ourselves.  She has sacrificed to get you through school, we will pay for our own wedding.  I was thinking something small and intimate anyways, close friends and immediate family.  I don't want a circus or ridiculous extravaganza."

"Me either.  Oh, I cannot wait to show this off at work, and my mom is going to flip out.  I will have to call her."

"Tomorrow, when we get home."  Carter held her close, knowing that her mom was going to be at the house tomorrow and the announcement would be made then.  His grandmother knew he was asking the big question tonight, so she would be expecting it, but Barbara would be surprised.

Carter purposely made sure they took their time getting home the next day, Chuny had told him when to show up with Lucy.  The arrived at the house and it was quiet but seconds after they came in the door everyone yelled.

"Surprise!"

Lucy gave a little shriek as she realized everyone was there, then she saw her mom.  "Mom!  What are you doing here!"

"John invited me, he flew me out for your shower.  I haven't seen you for a while, wow, look at you!"  Barbara hugged her daughter tightly, then held her at arms length to take her in.  The rounded belly and her soft glow.  She pulled her daughter in for another hug.  "You look really happy honey."

"Mom.  He asked me to marry him."  She whispered in her mom's ear.

"What!" 

Lucy held up her left hand, which got quite the reaction from the ladies gathered around. Barbara took a good look at the ring, then went searching for the man who was going to be her son in law.  She found him in the den.

Barbara grabbed John for a very tight embrace and a kiss on the cheek. 

"John.  You have made her so happy, I am so glad you are going to be part of our family."

"Thanks Barbara, she makes me happy too."


	20. Chapter 20

To say Lucy was happy was an understatement.  She had everything she'd ever wanted, all starting from the fateful day she had got the match letter from Chicago.

She had hoped for San Francisco, but she was glad that the fates had intervened. 

She looked over from her hospital bed into the sparkling brown eyes of her husband as he cuddled their newborn son in his arms, while her mom wrangled their 3 year old daughter off to the cafeteria for a snack.

It had been challenging, no doubt, but every moment had been unique and special.  She never regretted her choice either.  She gave birth to their first child at the end of August, and then the next spring she had married John in a small and intimate ceremony with their closest of family and friends.

John had completed his year as Chief, then worked part time so he could spend more time with their precious and slightly precocious baby girl.  When Lucy had announced they were expecting another child, he had been very excited, and now their son had joined the family.

Lucy had a bit of time to go to reach her final goal of being a psychiatrist, but she loved her work and she loved her family.  She loved John more every single day.

Carter for his part was the happiest he had ever been.  His parents were still distant, and he had lost both of his grandparents now, but he had his own family.  Barbara had become very close to him and he was grateful his children had such a wonderful grandmother.  She flew out often to visit, and they went to see her as much as the could.

He loved his wife more than he ever thought possible and treasured the two precious children she had given him.  He knew that he would love her always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love to hear how people liked the story, and any constructive criticism is welcome. I wrote this a while back, but had never posted it online, so I did a bit of editing, and this is the resulting work.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed~


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